I use to work with a crabby old hag.  Let’s call her “Morticia”.  Intolerable in most cases.  Remarkable in her ability to complain.  That is all she did, 8 hours out of the day.  Probably all waking hours.  As soon as someone was out of earshot, she would all too eagerly have something bad to say about them.  And talk badly about people was certainly her “thing”.  I don’t know how many times I had to tell her to “dial it back” because she was talking about a friend of mine.  Seriously, if you had a single dealing with her in person or over the phone, she was going to bad mouth you about something.  Everyone on campus was “eaten up with the dumbass”.  I never understood how one person could be so miserable.  Bekah loved it when I came home with a new Morticia story. 

                Oh how many times I would come back from lunch to find sneaker prints on my desk.  Morticia thought she was clever.  When we left for lunch she would climb onto my desk and set the clock forward.  Old lady going to break a hip doing that!  For reason beyond my imagination, it drove her batty that we would leave for lunch ten till twelve.  I suppose the crone believed that by doing so she would trick us into actually leaving for lunch right at noon.  Like none of us have phones or the time right in front of us on a computer screen.  She could have at least covered her tracks and wiped my desk clean.  Laughable!!!!

                When my boss was on leave recovering from surgery, Morticia believed she was in charge.  Old lady on a power trip.  She was on everyone’s back like some mean grandmother.  You need to do this!  You need to do that!  I just wanted to scream:   “No.  No I don’t.  I will continue to do what I am doing because that is how the job rolls.  You don’t know my job.  Don’t pretend like you suddenly know my job.  You just go back into your office and get behind your desk with your book and hush because you ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!”  Suddenly someone wants to micromanage me?  I think not!  !  I jokingly said that I was going to take the rest of the day off.  No one else was at work that day.  SHE THREW A FIT!!!  I just laughed in her face.  Seeing an old woman have a temper tantrum like a toddler that doesn’t get the cookie is a funny thing to behold.  Funny, but also kind of sad.  She “tattled” on us when my boss returned.  About what?  Who cares?  My boss didn’t care.  And I sure did love telling my boss how hilarious and aggravating Morticia was when he wasn’t there.  How she was sneaking around in order to eavesdrop on conversation.  I even found her hiding behind a shelf one day.  We had a good laugh out of it.  Funny that she was always 30 min late in the mornings, after lunch, and leaving the job when he was gone.  That was all A-OKAY. 

                A humorous thing: she didn’t seem to think anyone was ever doing their jobs.  That was one of her biggest complaints.  “Well, if they were doing their jobs this wouldn’t happen.”  How many times did I hear her say this, you ask?  Countless.  If I had a dollar… the saying goes.  And this wasn’t just a complaint in our office.  It was people in purchasing.  Accounts payable.  Facilities.  THE PRESIDENTS OFFICE!!!  According to her, basically no one on campus was doing a f***ing thing.  The irony is that she was in her office reading, watching Netflix, gossiping & complaining on the phone and REALLY working hard.  Yet… no one else works around here?  What a joke!! 

                And she must have been the neighbor from hell.  Talk about a busybody.  When she got new neighbors she invented theories on what they must do to be able to afford the mortgage.  He delivered pizza and she was a nurse.  No way could they afford the house, so he must be dealing drugs on the side.  Or maybe he was in witness protection?  I can’t make this s*** up.   The poor neighbor’s happened to have dogs that occasionally barked.  Every time they did she would call the police.  She would also spray them with a watering hose.  I have a friend that temporarily shared close proximity with Morticia.  She would hear the same complaints about the dogs all day because Morticia would call everyone she knew and have a repeat conversation.  It was borderline obsessive how she complained about those dogs.  When they finally moved, no question because of the harassment, I had to wonder how Morticia filled the void in her life left by the missing dog.  I’m sure it didn’t take her long to find something else to complain about.

                Speaking of that friend.  She had the cutest little girl that she would bring to the office with her occasionally.  While this little girl brought a great joy to the rest of us in the office, it did nothing but infuriate Morticia.  She would complain, complain, complain, and complain.  She eventually took it up with Human Resources.  She was, I quote “Looking out for the best interest of the university”.   Her worry was that something might happen to the little girl on campus property and if something did happen, who’s to say that the parents would not sue the university for damages done.  Clever.  Nothing gets to HR like a possible lawsuit. 

                For the 7 years in which I worked with her she had nothing but hateful things to say about the university.  No one ever gave her any appreciation so she would be damned if anyone threw a retirement party for her.  Absolutely adamant that that would not happen.  So guess what?  We aimed to grant her wishes.  Just have a little thing for her with our group.  Goodness me, that is what you said for how many years.  It’s got to be true that you don’t want a party!!!  Well guess what?  HELL NO!  She wanted a dang party!  She cried to her daughter about no one throwing her a retirement party.  All that she did for this place over the years.  Boohoo!!!  Waaaaaaaaaaah!!  Daughter being who she is decided to take action into her own hand.  Likely under the influence, she sent an e-mail to the president.  Oh the outrage!  You guys are not throwing a retirement party for my mother who has worked for you over 30 years.  She never gets any appreciation for how hard she has worked for you!  Yep.  That worked!  Phone calls later she was getting that retirement party.  And it made all of us look like real jerks.  It just so happened that I was on PTO and didn’t get to the party.  I heard it was a real blast.

                All in all, Morticia was actually a rather entertaining person to work with.  There was never a dull moment in the office.  We only ever had problems a few times.  Although she didn’t have much kind things to say about people on campus, it was funny witnessing someone so bent out of shape over every little thing.  She would lose her s*** over the most mundane things.  The problem came down to this: Morticia was institutionalized.  She had been here for far too long.  I suppose for some, longevity produces negativity.  Instead of seeing the positive of being in the same place for so long, she only saw the slights that she apparently received.  This entry is harsh, but it’s also very honest.  To accurately describe Morticia, honesty is key.  She is a character that I will not forget.  Her defining traits might sound crabby.  My description of her might make her sound like a b****.  But she still had heart.  Break through all that hard tempered exterior and you find someone not tainted by whatever in life transformed her into such a Negative Nelly.  That person hidden within I called friend.

                Red Jalapeño!!!!!

                Bunless BBQ burger.  Pretty much wanted to try and fix the wrong I did with the BBQ meatballs form last week.  This turned out much better. 

Grilled some chicken with red jalapeño, green bell peppers & onion.  Threw some sharp cheddar over them while still on the grill.   I used the salsa I made with the red jalapenos.   Good meal

Lemony asparagus chicken stir-fry.  Yum!!!

Seared Ahi tuna salad.    Kind of looks gross, doesn’t it? 

Lazy nachos.   Had plans, got lazy. 

Pizza!!!  The red jalapeño really tied this one altogether.  I usually only make my pizza when Bekah is gone.  Not sure why.  I suppose I’m the pizza addict in the house.  Well, she thought it was a real treat and I think my Slavic friend is going to press me to make her one for her birthday next month.

Caribbean jerk pork tenderloin.  This was the meal I was supposed to make Friday that somehow go pushed back to Sunday.

Cocktail of the Week: Deep Eddy Sweet Tea Vodka

                Stuck in the office.  Oh you know it’s my favorite kind of week.  So many pleasantries it’s absurd.  I just wish I could skip that week.  I find it revolting.  I do not comprehend how my coworkers look forward to this week.  Wait a second!  Yes I do!  It’s because they don’t like to get up off their a**.  I suppose if I was a sedentary lazy person, that week I would have it made.  But I am not.  I can’t even sit still when I am at the house.  I like to be doing something.  Moving around.  So office week is a personal hell for me.  Made ever more so by the enlightening conversations that go on around me most the day.  At least my cussing coworker is fairly humorous.  When he took the afternoon off because he didn’t want to “look at the Llama pick his nose for the rest of the afternoon” I seriously laughed out loud.  And who can blame him.  The guy digs deep.

                Found some ripe red jalapeños at HEB.  Is it sad that I got excited by the sight of peppers?  That I was so excited I immediately had to tell people via text message?  Actually, don’t answer that.  Seldom do you find red jalapeños, so it was a much unexpected delight.   Because they matured on the vine longer they get their red color.  IMO, they are significantly different from their green counter parts.  They have more heat and they are sweet.  If you see these in the store do not pass them up.

                Bekah has started working out in the afternoons again.  That means I’m in solitude till about 7pm.  While that might seem appealing to some of you (and it is on days that I have had TOO much at work!!), I mostly am just bored.  I get home and promptly jump out of my work clothes for shorts, sandals & t-shirt.  I have 2 hours before I get any conversation.  Sure, I could call someone.  I could talk to my dogs.  And I do at times.  Hazel at least looks interested unlike Owen who’s perpetual head tilt tells me he is lost in the clouds.  But who really wants a one sided conversation.  Not me!!  So I turn on music.  Hopefully I have dinner to prep.  That keeps me occupied.  I might (probably) have myself an adult beverage.  Possibly get out a book to read.  I should probably find something more to do with this time.  Honestly though, after work I just want to go home and get comfortable.  Not to mention that it’s HOT this time of year.  I don’t want back out in it.  I guess I’ll take the afternoon workouts over the morning.  Waking up consecutively every morning at 4am wasn’t ideal.  I’m not really sure what I’m ranting about here.  Anyone else bored after work?  Should I go back to watching the Weather Channel from 5-7 to pass the time?  Or I could start recording music again.

                My friend Jamie gave me some really good seasoning.  Best Stop Cajun Seasoning.  I’ve been wanting some of my own for a while now but it can only be obtained in Louisiana.  Lucky for me she got a BIG shipment from some friends passing through.  Generous of her considering how long she has been trying to replenish her supply.  Hopefully I can now make my Gumbo like she made it.   What a blunder mine turned out to be.

                On a comical note: my corporate card was once again hacked.  So were 3 of my coworkers.  It’s only been 2 months since this happened last.  To add to the hilarity, it was charged to a place called Crooks.  $.98…  Now I get to have fun updating everything again.  I think I’d just finished doing that from the last time.  Can’t wait to be told by the higher ups that I’ve done something wrong.  To save my friend in purchasing some trouble, I took care of matter myself.  She has enough on her plate.  Had to expedite the card since I’m purchasing next.  My purchasing friend got an “eye rolling laugh” out of it Crooks.  I think I’ll still give her some mints though.  This is a busy time of year for her and she will have to report this.  Like she doesn’t have enough to do.  I’ll being seeing my 4^th card soon….  On the plus side, my card arrived before anyone else’s which means I was the only runner and I was able to get the hell out of the office.

                Wednesday – Friday mornings we got a taste of fall in the month of July.  I’m not sure what the actual low was but both mornings that I left the house it was 61.  Was this guy happy?  You bet he was!!!  I felt a childhood excitement rush over me.  A brief tease of fall that is still far far away.  When that brisk air hit my face the color orange flashed in my mind.  The color of pumpkins!  My favorite time of year.  I just can’t get here soon enough.  Not to mention the unexpected showers on Monday.  This weather geek was a happy camper.

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                Weekend was rather unproductive and went too quickly even though I took an extra day.  I somehow managed to sleep in till 11 on Saturday.  I don’t sleep in so I must have needed it.  But over sleeping left me groggy all day.  I could not snap out of it.  I just felt worthless.  Sunday morning Bekah made me breakfast and I made some hot sauce with some of the red jalapeño.  I think it turned out okay.  Just left it basic.  Didn’t want to over salt it.  Monday I had to move a 100 plus pound dog.  Poor guy is getting old.  What do you do when your 100 pound dog can get up and move around on his own.  Sad thoughts.  Today, Tuesday, feels like Monday.  I only thought I could hide from it.  Hope the week moves on fast.  August is almost here, and it looks to be a hot one.  No rain in the future.

Red Jalapeño !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BBQ grilled meat balls.  This was kind of a letdown to me.  I had high hopes and after eating this meal I don’t think I will be making them again.  At least it was a fun experiment.  Maybe it would have been better had I used ground chicken?  Who knows…?

Teriyaki chicken Asian salad w/ a sesame ginger dressing.  Just a simple grab from HEB.  Chicken marinated for 24 hours.

Sweet chili chicken.  I’ve eyeballed this at HEB for a long time but for some reason I have an aversion pre-marinated chicken.  I guess the idea was that I could always do it better?  I don’t know.  I eat the marinated pork tenderloin so what’s the difference.  Pretty snobby attitude to have towards food I realized so I finally grabbed this off the shelf.  Let me tell you I was pleasantly surprised and will purchase again.  If you are interested in what I’m talking about here is a link to the dish: 

https://www.heb.com/product-detail/h-e-b-seasoned-boneless-skinless-sweet-chili-chicken-breast/313301#product-description

                Taco Salad w/ queso.  Why in the world I never poured queso on a taco salad before is beyond me.  I told myself it’s because the lettuce would wilt, but that makes no sense because the warm taco meat would do the same.  I guess I was just being willfully dense.  Anyway, what a dish this became.

White wine Worcestershire sauce.  Anyone remember this stuff?  How fantastic it complements chicken.  Good luck finding it.  I still have a bottle that is remarkable still good.  Anyway, this was one of our go to meals.  Chicken with that sauce, sweet potato w/Greek yogurt, and a sweet kale salad.

Shrimp seasoned with Best Stop.  Really really good.  I’m pretty anxious to try the seasoning on some fish next.  Nice heat & great flavors. 

                Cocktail of the week:  Margarita!

                What an unexpected weekend.  I didn’t just go home and cook in the kitchen and watch TV.  It wasn’t uninteresting.  It was unfamiliar in a good way.  After a mundane week it was just what I needed.

We went dancing Friday.  Two-stepping to end Alzheimer’s thrown by Bekah’s work.  We were amongst the elderly.  Maybe the sole group under 60.  I was waiting for someone to break a hip.  The music wasn’t my cup of tea.  Lots of fiddle.  But you know what?  I had a lot of fun!!!   The amount of happiness inside the dance hall was palpable.  All the love in the air.  Old couples staring into each other’s eyes moving to the music like young lovers.  It was a cute sight to see.  My fear that I’d go insane by the nights end was baseless.  Bekah was somehow shocked when I first asked her to dance.  Like we were going to go to a dance but not dance?  Maybe she figured she would have to coax me into two-stepping and the shock came from me asking her only 5-10 min into the band playing.    Speaking of the band, Jody Nix & the Texas Cowboys.  Again, not my music, but I was entertained by his showmanship.  SO much fiddle!  He was treated like a dadgum celebrity!  All these grandmothers were blushing in his presence.   I also found it rather humorous that so many of these old men completely blew off the “do not bring alcohol into the premises” ordinance.   Bottles of whiskey galore.  I stuck with beers.  Not many, they were 4 bucks a pop.  Just enough to loosen up my dance moves.  I put my cowboy boots to good use.  Great time dancing the night away.  Also, it was for a good cause.  All proceeds went to the American Alzheimer’s Association, and it brought in just over 10 thousand.  

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After the dance it was decided that pizza was in store.  Couldn’t pick one topping so we ordered two.  Pepperoni, pineapple, and jalapeño.  Chicken, alfredo, and jalapeño.  Gave way too much money for the tip because I was feeling high from the night’s excitement.  Pizza guy: “Are you serious?” Me:  “Yes sir!  I’ve had a good night.”  Made the pizza dude really happy.  Unfortunately, they forgot the jalapeños on one of the pizzas.  Fortunately, I have a lot of jalapeños in the house to save the day.  Overall a great night.

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Saturday I got up to check out the lily park and get my oil changed.  Saw a familiar face at the park.  A face I use to see in the paper all the time.  One whose words were always a joy to read.  Although it was nice to see that face, it was also bittersweet.  From the lily park I went to my usual place to have my oil changed.  After waiting 30 min I was told that they do not have the means to change my oil at the time.  Perturbed but hell bent on finally changing my oil, this being the 2^nd failed attempt which I don’t care to get into, I went somewhere else and waited 40 min.  At least I had a burrito, terrible as it was.  Oh, and the news to keep me company.  I forgot how terrible network news is and remembered why I have nothing to do with it.  Such doom & gloom.  I’d rather not.  Ignorance is bliss.

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Next it was off to the art museum.  My sister-in-law went with us.  It was her first visit.  They had a new exhibit that really didn’t wow me like I was hoping.  Nevertheless, we had a good time looking at some of the sculptures and pictures.  Someone proposed on the roof in the summer sun!  Bekah had tears.   After the art we needed a late lunch.  Went to a location that is a coin toss.  You either have a good or bad experience.  There is no in-between.  We took the chance and were all pleasantly surprised.   When we finished lunch it was decided that another slumber party was to be had.  It was a good thing that I had some steaks in the fridge already marinating.  The girls wanted to play Skip-Bo.  I’m usually pretty good at this game, but my sister-in-law beat me every time.  I’m going to blame it on the bad music playing.  How many times in a row can you listen to George Michaels sing Careless Whisper?  4-5 times isn’t excessive?  Nah…  I about wanted to shoot myself.  And don’t even get me started on the Eagles.  Unpopular opinion but… garbage!!!  So while they continued to play games and listen to bad music, I heated up the grill and began working on dinner.  Everything turned out really good and with food in the belly’s we got together to watch IT: Chapter One.  It wasn’t long before the couch claimed them both and I was the last man standing.

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It was a nice fun weekend.  Sunday came and went so fast and now I am sitting at work stuck in my office listening to one man’s heavy breathing and another man cussing.  C’est la vie!!!  At least it rained!

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Jalapeño!

Chinese spare ribs. These turned out really great. Making them was interesting. The marinade asked for red food coloring. I vacuum sealed the ribs and they looked like something straight out of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Looked like a bag of blood and guts in my fridge for 2 days. Unnecessary step, but I wanted them to look like the real deal. I guess I never really paid much attention of authentic Chinese spare ribs being red.

Wagyu Helper.  Yes, you read that right.  I used Wagyu beef for Hamburger Helper.  Sacrilege you say?  I might not disagree.  I had to do it.  Bekah said it was the best helper that she had ever had.  The beef was tenderer than the noodles.  Fancying dining!

Chimichurri chicken.  A great Argentine sauce that just complements chicken.  Also, such an easy dish to make.

Teriyaki beef tenderloins.  I had these marinating for over a day.  Just a light sear to perfection.

No Cocktail of the week. Sorry!

Let’s talk about hot sauce.    As you have probably guessed from the amount of jalapeño that I eat, I am also a MAJOR fan of hot sauces.  It’s rare that I find one I don’t like. (Hello burrito place in Fredericksburg, barf.) And the thing about hot sauces is there are so many varieties.  You have the traditional tomato based red sauce.  The warmer chili based green sauces. (My favorite!!)  Vinegar based Louisiana sauces such as Tabasco.   Asian sauces like sriracha & gochujang, that have a more paste like texture and sweetness to them.  I could go one and on.  I love them all and they each have their place in the kitchen.  You should see how many different styles and varieties I have at the house.  Hey, if Bekah has her tubs of cottage cheese, I can have my hot sauce rack.  It’s only fair.  In this blog I am going to discuss some of my favorite and even talk about how to make your own.

                Let’s begin with my favorite: the green sauce.  I’m not talking about tomatillos based salsa verde.  While that does have its place, I plan on discussing the chili based green sauce.  With some exceptions, store bought green sauce is a total dud.  If that is your only experience with green sauce go bang your head against a wall.  We probably can’t be friends.  This is one that you really need to have fresh.  And you better like it HOT because that’s what you get with a really good green sauce.  It’s a true marvel of culinary simplicity.  Cook hatch or jalapeño chilies, tomato, and salt to taste.  It’s as simple as that.  Green sauce pretty much goes with anything.  I put it on everything: steak, chicken, burritos, and nachos.  It practically belongs on eggs!  Heck, even a baked potatoes benefits from it.  Very versatile.  Sadly I really only have a few options in town when it comes to green sauce so it’s always a treat to get something different from afar.  Lucky for me I have a friend with resources that doesn’t mind sharing.  Thankful.   

                Tomato based salsa is pretty much available everywhere to varying quality.  I do indeed love tomato salsa, but its second tier to the green.  Don’t get me wrong, I love this sauce.  If I’m at a Mexican restaurant this stuff is going town like water.  Salsa bars?  Forget about it!  Bekah can make a really great sauce.  For whatever reason she doesn’t make it anymore. I need to talk her into making it again.   I remember being totally impressed by it when we first started dating.  At that point in my life I’d never tired making it myself so it was a little mind blowing to have her homemade sauce taste like a good restaurants sauce.  Of course, she is from Ozona. I can’t really say that I have a favorite hot sauce.  Get it in a restaurant.  Store bought, again, not really a thing for me.  Julio’s might be the sole exception.  I wish they sold their green. 

                As far as Louisiana sauces go, my favorite has always been Red Devil.  It’s been my go to ever since my middle brother introduced it to me sometime in 2003.  It’s a little less vinegary and has a sweetness not found in many of its contemporaries.  When I was in college & meals were often frozen (pizza) I was hooked on this stuff.  I was probably only tasting Red Devil and not the meal itself, which might have been for the best actually.  Back in those days when I still had taste buds this was considered warm to me.  Now I could probably fill a shot glass and throw this back without feeling a thing. Maybe it’s nostalgia that keeps me coming back for it.  What also deserve a mention is green Cholula sauce.  That stuff is yummy.  If you are a fan of these style of hot sauce & want to hurt yourself might I suggest you try Spontaneous Combustion.  Have you ever had strep throat?  I have!  That is what this feels like.  Now you probably wonder what the heck is wrong with me & why in the world I would be recommending something that makes you feel that way.  If you have been reading my blog this should come as no surprise to you.  Masochism maybe?  I say be brave.

                Asian sauces are a totally different beast.  Sriracha is one of my go-to condiments.  It doesn’t have to be strictly Asian foods.  I’ve enjoyed it on my pizza from time to time.  It’s also essential in one of the marinades I make.  Just adds a subtle heat (at least, to me) with some sweetness.  Oddly at one time I couldn’t stand the taste of sriracha.  I cringed at it.  Belittled it.  Used cuss words to describe its flavor.  It was bile disguised as a condiment.  Than one day “Walla!!”  I was suddenly a lifelong fan.  Had I always liked it and just refused to accept it?  Was it because my hipster brother ranted and raved on about its rightful place in the kitchen?  I realized that I was willfully neglecting myself all these years.  Shame on me!  Now its ridicules how much of this stuff I go through.  Heck, I’m using it tonight!

                So have some hot sauce please!  Make your taste buds sing.  Push yourself to new levels!  Live a happy life!  You deserve it!!!!!

                Jalapeño!

Note:  Theme for the week.  Making dinner with and empty fridge.  With the exception of orange chicken, everything else was just thrown together last min.  Didn’t notice that until I typed this out.

                Gochujang chicken.  This meal was a result of pretty much nothing being left in our fridge but proteins, onion, jalapeños and bookoos of condiments.  I hadn’t gone to the store since our Alpine trip.  Partially because I was being lazy but also because I went WAY over my budget on that trip.  Some of the best meals I’ve made have been the result of an empty fridge.  No choice but to eat bland, or experiment by throwing things together.  This certainly turned out to be quite a delight.  If you haven’t yet had gochujang. 

                Steak with queso.  Another result of an empty fridge.  Just burning through our frozen meats.  Nothing at all wrong with this meal.  All natural tenderloin that I marinated for 24 hours.   Leftover velveta from the queso burger

                Orange chicken stir-fry.  Always a go-to meal for me.  I finally made it to the store.  I don’t think I had a choice at this point.  Some essentials were depleted.  While there I grabbed what I needed for this meal.  I’ve made it so many times I know the ingredients offhand.  Probably one of the best meals that I make.  If you want me to cook for you, this is probably one to pick.  If you can handle those Thai chilies.  I’m not going to dumb this one down for the sake of your uninitiated taste buds.

                Fajita chicken topped with that tasty green sauce I got from Jamie & Derek.  A very warm delight.  I thank them both for the treat. More please!!!! Another meal made because the fridge was bare. 

                Grilled tuna with a sweet soy reduction served with jalapeño and a salad I made with some leftover mung bean sprouts.  Bekah made us sticky rice!  I was having some blood sugar issues on & off all day so I was able to indulge in some carbs.  Also, empty fridge.  I finally went to the store Saturday.

                Cocktail of the Week:  Pina Colada!!  Pina Colada day was July 10^th so no brainer.

Off to Alpine, TX for the long 4^th of July weekend. The entire family and some very close friends. It was a very full house. So much laughter was had. Catching up on old times and making new memories. It’s always a good time when our two families get together. The last time we were all together in Alpine was my wedding. Lots of good drinks and good food. There were two people that were noticeably absent. My father and brother from another mother. We did toast to them many of times. They were there in spirit.

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                Our dining experiences were a true delight.  Being that it was the 4^th of course we were going to grill.  We had hamburgers, steaks, hot dogs.  All sorts of sides.  We ate out often.  Alpine has some really great restaurants.  If I had only one meal I would be hard pressed to say where I would choose.  Probably the Reata only because of the nearly 2 decades of memories I have in that place.  Speaking of the Reata, we had an interesting experience Friday night.  There was a gun fight.  No joke.  A group of traveling actors dressed in full western wear decided to shoot it out.  It wasn’t a quiet dining experience with guns blazing but it was entertaining in the fact that it was very bizarre. 

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The people of Alpine have always been the best. Such an eclectic group. You have the ranchers, the hippies, the artist, etc. All of them sharing a bar together in harmony. The owner of Harry’s Tinaja remark on how humble Anthony Bourdain was when he visited. Harry himself is a character worth mention. He is a German immigrant who opened a German brewery and restaurant in the middle of nowhere West Texas. When he got tired of the food he opened his bar. It’s basically Cheers. Everyone sits on the porch and drinks all day. Everyone knows everyone. Harry just quietly observes and occasionally chimes in. The Twin Peaks liquor store is across the street. I heard this exchange: “Is that my wife across the street? She told me she was going to her mother’s!” “ Well she is walking out with 4 bags, I’d say they are having a party.” I just about died. Little dive bars like Harry’s are a special part of this country. They have true heart. It might not be the fanciest place in town, but Bourdain chose it for a very good reason: the people.

                I love the mountains.  I suppose it’s the amateur Geologist in me.  I can spend more time than I’d like to admit looking at rocks.  I have a freaking rock collection for goodness sake.  And the Alpine region is a rock hounds dream.  The mountain are volcanic rhyolite, the remnants of the Paisano volcano which erupted some 35 million years ago.  The entire region would have been a perfect image of how hell is usually depicted.  The caldera collapse left a 240 square mile hole in the ground.  Lakes of lava.   Kilauea had nothing on Paisano.  Years of erosion and there you have it, beautiful mountains.  And sunsets.  Sunsets in this region are breath taking.  Unfortunately we didn’t get to see many, it was overcast.

The weather couldn’t have been nicer. People think that it’s the desert in July so it must be hot. The elevation is higher making the temperature lower. In July you have the monsoons. Every evening we had a 4-5 o’clock thunderstorm brew dropping the temperature down to the 70 degree mark. If you have not seen mountain storms you really are missing out. They are beautiful, and the sound of thunder bellowing off the mountains is exceptional. We actually have waterfalls when it rains enough.

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Flash floods are no joke in the dessert.  On our way back to town I feared for our lives.  We encountered a sudden deluge at the 14 mile mark west of Big Lake.  Visibility dropped to maybe 5 feet and I had very little control of the vehicle.  Came to a snail pace.  Guess what though?  That didn’t stop all the oil field trucks from hauling a** past me.  Some of those truckers drive scary on a normal day.  Add torrential downpour to the equation and you have a recipe for disaster.  The road literally had rapids and these people were driving at such an unsafe speed.  I was bracing for one of them to hydroplane into me.  It was such a sweet relief when we got through that.  I did not have the energy for that unexpected challenge.  It’s been a bit since I last feared for my life and for about 30min there I feared for both Bekah and my own.  I never so badly needed a drink.  Just to have a shot of whisky and put my head down on the bar.  I was that tense.  It took a lot out of me, and my tank was about empty in the first place.  I said I could probably drive the rest of the way home with my eyes closed compared to that. Never seen that much water on the road.  Those flash flood signs I always wondered about are there for a reason.

Got to see the USA Women’s Soccer bring home another World Cup. This will the second in a row and forth title over all. They were such an unstoppable team. Such amazing talent and a real treat to watch. The controversy over them celebrating too hard was such a joke. They had every right to celebrate. Alex Morgan might be my new celebrity crush. She was amazing on the field, and her tea sip celebration was hilarious. Really ruffled some feather with that one. I am actually having some withdrawals while I type this up. The 2020 Olympics can’t get here soon enough.

Weekends never last long enough even when you have 4 days.

Jalapeño!

Had queso burgers again. Simple delight. I think this is the 3^rd time I’ve had this in a month.

Caprese salad with grilled chicken. Love caprese salad & I love grilled chicken. Why not throw them together.

Bunless burger.  Not the most attractive of meals but it hit the spot.  My other mother added blue cheese to the meat. 

Hot dog for the 4^th of July.  Had to have one on America’s birthday.  Probably the only time I ever eat a hot dog.  Just not my thing.

Carne Asada from the Reata.  It’s doesn’t get much better than that.  You don’t need teeth to chew this steak it’s so tender.

Pizza from Guzzi Up. This place is just weird.

Asado from La Casita. Some of the best Mexican food is in Alpine. Only problem here is they take cash. We almost didn’t have enough on us. Kind of wish we had gone to Alicia’s but it’s too small for the group we had. Hell, we sat at two tables here otherwise it was a 30min wait to get us together.

The Reata again.  Green chili burger.  Mouthwatering delight.  I had a lot of burgers this week.

Chicken fried steak from The Century Bar & Grill.  I don’t do fried food often but I must say this was a treat.  I would have had more fired okra on my plate but my brother got to them.

Bekah wanted some Hamburger Helper.  I have to say it was pretty good.  It was her hangover meal.  Comforting and easy.

Drink of the week: Tejas Clara. No longer available sadly. RIP Big Bend Brewing

I’m saturated with joy that this is the last week I’ll be receiving “dumb dumb” e-mails from my dear friend.  Her departure warms my heart immensely.  I want to celebrate.  I want to dance.  14 months of e-mails.  How will I fill this hole in my life?  I don’t yet know.  I might miss the ones that were nothing more than OMG without any explanation why.  The multiple ones asking the same question, but just on another day.  The ones supposedly asking a question but seemingly not.  Will I miss the chance encounter?  Conveniently showing up somewhere I always am at a certain time of day.  The awkward invasion of personal space.  Will I miss tip-toeing into an office for fear of giving away my presence and not being able to chat with my friends because someone will know that I am around and butt their heads into the conversation?  Giggles and big smiles when I said nothing funny at all no matter how many times I flashed my wedding ring?  Only time will tell.  In truth, she was only ever kind to me.  Maybe I’m the a**hole, but she creeped me out.  Goodbye, dear friend.  Unfortunately I will not be around on your last day.  May all your future endeavors be lucrative.  May your husband seeking days prevail!!

 I’m not feeling too inspired today.  I had something I was going to write about but it kind of fizzled out.  So…

Stray observations & assorted musings:

Never once have I seen someone yell at a postal worker and have it turn out in their favor.

 Parking under that shade tree will keep your car cooler but it might also get s*** on.

Eating burritos every morning isn’t a diet.

Do Millennials even know what the pound key is?  In the future will automated services tell you to “hit the hashtag key”?

Some people are just stupid.  Once you accept this it makes them easier to deal with.

You know what I wish right now.  I wish I was under water and all the noise around me was muted.  Under water I would be free of all this jibber jabber

What kind of person enjoys the flavor of artificial grape?  Furthermore, what kind of person enjoys a cigarette that taste like artificial grape?

I have a personal policy against the band Queen.  I also have a personal policy against football games.  You know what come hand in hand?  Football & Queen!  Is this a coincidence?  NO WAY!!!  “We Will Rock You” has to be one of the worst songs ever recorded in the history of music.

Does anyone else feel sorry for the tree when it’s cut down?

People are generally unhappy until they get what they want.

If complaining is your only mode of conversation, what would you have if everything went the way you wanted it?

Is an unlawful hand gesture a worthy reason to be pulled over or is it a waste of resources better used elsewhere?

I hate wearing jeans in the summer.  I feel miserable in them.  The first thing I do when I get home is put on shorts.  I know my work attire is pretty casual, but what I would die to wear shorts to work.  And sandals.  I wear my sandals when it’s 30 degrees outside.  They are year round.  I want to wear them to work.

Metamorphosis is so f***ing cool.

Of all the summer camps, band camp has to be the best.  No competition.  Sarcasm.

Cottage cheese has the same consistency as vomit so why is it always in my fridge?

I miss Anthony Bourdain. 

Do you consider Sunday the beginning or the ending of the week?

When you lose track of time, does time lose track of you?

                Jalapeño!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                So three meals of zachos.  That is zucchini nachos.  I have a zucchini “pusher” in case you forgot and my supply isn’t dwindling.  So you thinly slice the zucchini and microwave them in batches for 15 min on 50% until they are lightly browned and crisp.  I salted mine just a bit to give them flavor.  I tried three different toppings: steak, chicken & ground beef.  I would rank the chicken first, steak gets second, while beef is third.  All three were good though.  I love nachos almost as much as I love pizza.  They have their similarities if you think about it.  Both are covered with cheese and can be topped with various ingredients to make them unique.  Because of the carbs I can’t really enjoy them all that often.  This was a nice fix for that problem.  Highly recommended for those looking for a lighter spin on a fantastic dish.

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                Sesame chicken with sriracha zucchini.  I used some red chilies on this one and it was very warm.  10 pepper hot!!!  Bekah thought I was insane, but what’s unusual about that. It’s not like I didn’t just eat ghost for a week.  This was warm, but not even comparable.  Turned out to be a very good meal.   

            

  Green chili zucchini dish.  Nothing to really say about this one.  It was good.

Cocktail of the week: Cap Cod

                I was out of my mind.  Bekah was doing a diet last week so I was left to my own devices.  I thought: “Gee Wally, what should I cook for myself?”  Eureka!!!  Let’s incorporate ghost peppers into each meal!!!  Who in their right mind does such a thing?  I do.  So next time you see me feel free to let me know I’m absolutely positively nuts.  Or just plain stupid.  I’ll let you make that decision.  Heck, maybe I’m both.

                Cooking multiple meals with ghost isn’t something I’ve tried before.  I was planning on having a week with habanero’s and then I found the ghost by accident.  My warped mind immediately lit up with joy.  After ingesting that peanut…  I mean, that changed my definition of spicy.  I basically dropped a hydrogen bomb into my freaking mouth.  Felt Death’s fingers on my shoulder urging me to give in and follow him into the afterlife.  Whispering sweet relief.  I refused to acknowledge the jerk. 

                Ironic that I just so happen to do this on the hottest week we have had this year.

                That 100 degree mark.  It hurts me.  Convenient that Friday was the first official day of summer.    You should see the lot that I have to cross in order to reach my car after work. At a casual pace it takes me 2 min.  It feels like a mile when the sun is beating down upon you from above and the heat’s radiating off the pavement from below.  By the time my coworkers and I finally reach our vehicles we all look broken.  Looks of despair upon our faces.  Relief is not yet in sight, for the temperatures within our cars far exceeds what’s outside.  Easily over 130.  Our A/C can’t cool quickly enough.  By the time I reach my house, which isn’t far mind you, I think a part of me has died.  The knowledge that I will be repeating this sadistic ritual the following day is almost a worthy enough reason to make myself a drink.  Yay summer, everyone!!!  Yay summer……….

                I took some time off work on Thursday to run important “errands”.  I was very productive and the feeling of accomplishment was on the verge of being overwhelming.  Boy oh boy.  Who knew I could get so much done in just 2 hours.  I was literally all over town.  Astonishing.  By the way, did I mention the USA vs Sweden women’s world cup game?  Yeah, USA won.  Hear it was a pretty amazing match.  Sad that I was SO busy I missed the game.  Wink wink.

                The weekend finally arrived.  The weekend of the slumber party.  I needed to mentally prepare myself for what was sure to be an exhaustive time.  What better than going to the Civic League Park.  This has always been one of my favorite places in town.  I have been exploring the park since I was a little kid.  If I ever want to be put in a good mood I need look nowhere else.  I just wondered around for a little while.  The lilies are beautiful this time of year.

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                So the slumber party.  Bekah still has those.  This time it was at our house.  Our Slovakian friend, Maja pronounced “My-a”, was sleeping over.  Before she arrived I was told to buy a bottle of cucumber vodka & the ingredients to make bun less burgers that I was supposed to cook for them.  Glad I waited till Saturday to go shopping for diner because minutes before I left for the store she changed her mind and wanted me to grill shrimp and make squash & potato salad.  Demanding!  I clearly had the squash part covered but not the shrimp.  I asked her in return to bring me some pizza from this place in Christoval, where she lives.  At first she said no, but after giving her guilt she finally said yes.  Only stipulation was that it had to have mushrooms just in case she wanted to try it.  My eyes were rolling.  Whatever.  The pizza was very tasty.

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                After briefly snacking on the pizza, I took them out for lunch.  While they had food and LOTS of drinks I got to watch some more World Cup. Roughly 4 hours later it is time I take them back to the house.   Adult slumber parties are an interesting concept.  I would say it’s really just a way to drink safely and not have to worry about going anywhere.  Being that they are both ex-bartenders, lots of cocktails were attempted.  I say attempted because about a third of each drink mixed ended up on my counter and floors.  Slavic said you never forget how to bartend while spilling her mix all over the place.  I was laughing very hard at this.  It was pretty hilarious.  They sang.  They danced.  They giggled and fell down.  And guess what they didn’t do?  EAT THE SHRIMP I BOUGHT!!  They decided to eat my dinner, which was the leftover pizza.  I come into the kitchen to see that they were generous enough to leave me a slice.  So kind.  Then it was time for Skip-bo.  Bekah’s favorite card game.  The thing is, Slavic was WAY to incapacitated to understand the rules.  After an hour of struggles, the game was abandoned for more music and dancing.  They tried in vain to make it to midnight but both fell asleep about an hour shy.  What a night.  They plan on repeating again in a few months.

                Sunday morning I had some rough looking women in our house.  Time for brunch!  Eggs, jalapeño poppers, and some sparkling wine.  The dour dispositions of my wife and friend quickly faded into an animated optimistic morning.  All was once again balanced and they could move ahead with some pep in their step.    Bekah had a little too much “hair of the dog”.  She purchased a swimming pool and slept the majority of the afternoon. Monday she said that her “Check Liver” light was on.   I needed to come back to work for rest.

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                Ghost Pepper!!

                Ghost ginger soy chicken legs.  I guess I had a look of anguish.  Bekah asked if it was hot.  Yes!  What gave it away?  The fact that my nose was running or that I was red as the pepper I ate?  Was it because I looked feverish?  Pretty great meal.  I’ll make this again without ghost.

                Ghost queso burger.  And yes I doubled down with jalapeño as well.  I don’t know why I’ve never put queso on a burger before.  The picture might look boring but the taste was great.  And it wasn’t even unbearably hot. 

                Sweet chili chicken with ghost.  So this was the meal that I was worried about.  Who makes a meal that they worry about eating advance of preparation?  Morons, that’s who.  To quote myself after finishing the meal “my god no.”  Snotty nosed and probably beat red, I had good reason to fear this one.  10 min later and I found myself in a calm state of euphoria.  Or was it that I somehow finished 4 beers trying to wash dinner down?  Who can say?

                Salmon croquettes.  Yes I did put a ghost in there.  Not the most appetizing looking meal, I know.  This is my mother’s recipe, sans ghost chili.  She would probably be appalled to hear what I’ve done here.  It was pretty damn hot.

I don’t have a name for this meal. Jamie has given us so many squash that I’m just throwing things together and making things up. Squash, onion, red bell, jalapeño, chicken, ghost, and leftover cheese from the queso burgers. What a great meal. The cheese gave it a nice creamy texture and enhanced what would otherwise still been a great mix. Making this again.

Cocktail of the week: Strawberry Margarita

I live in a quiet neighborhood and we just got new neighbors.  Watching them move in catty-corner from us has been the most exciting thing to happen in months.  Seeing the work they are putting into the house has been a great joy.  How boring does all this sound?  Exceptionally so.  Immensely.  I suppose that’s okay, but at times I miss the old neighborhood.  Never a dull moment.

                Not that we lived in a bad part of town and all our neighbors were awful.  Santa Rita is a great part of this community.  It’s an old neighborhood with eclectic housing.  Some areas are not as glamorous as others.  Let’s just say that there are pockets within neighborhoods.   We lived on the border of such a pocket.  Low cost rent houses and cheap motels with monthly rates can attract not just the broke college kids but the more criminal elements of society.  And boy did we get a bit of both.  The first time I saw someone getting arrested in front of our house I peeped through the blinds to secretly watch.  By the end of our stay, when those blue & red lights were flashing, I was on the porch with a drink taking in the show.  To quote Ricky Butler from the ‘Burbs “God, I love this street”.

                The house across from us was a rental that seemed to only attract drug dealers.  The first were straight up gangsters.  Caricatures of gangsters.  They didn’t care who saw them slinging drugs.  They were loud and partied till the early AM.  They were not clever and didn’t last long.  The second guy was straight up class.  I’m talking godfather smooth.  He knew a thing or two about appearances.  Clean cut, very polite, nothing flashy, good conversationalist.  I never suspected a thing.  That’s why it was a shock to me when the US marshals kicked down his door.  He apparently got tipped off because he was nowhere to be seen and left all his belongings behind.  What we learned was the guy moved A LOT of cocaine.

                Next door we had the college kids.  For the most part they were good respectful neighbors.  All that they wanted was to drink beer and smoke weed, so they made it a point to keep us happy.  I don’t think they were the studious types.  Aside from the occasional beer cans in the yard and late night party, they did a good job.  Sometimes you would hear yelling.  Drunk boyfriend mad at drunk girlfriend & vice versa.  One night things escalated.  Girlfriend went berserk on boyfriend’s new truck.  Boyfriend tried to pull her away from the truck and she stabbed him in the thigh.  Cops came.  Bye bye girlfriend.  They moved out after graduation and left that house in shambles.  I kind of missed them, they were hilarious kids.

                A little further down the street was where the real drama was.  Everything else was more comical until they came along.  They moved in closer to the end of our time on that street and certainly played a part in us moving on.  The neighbors on the block nicknamed them “The Crackheads”.  The true blight of the neighborhood.  Neighbors from hell.  They screamed at each other.  Stormed down the street yelling and crying.  All hours of the day this went on.  College kids said they never slept & that they were into some “weird s***”.  They were closer to them so they had more interaction.  I mentioned the motel.  Gallivanting back and forth from said motel they sure did.  Often with new companionship that looked just as strung out as they.  Cops always over.  And they had 2 pit bulls THAT THEY NEVER KEPT IN THE YARD!!!!  Jemma & Tank. They would attack other dogs on the street.  It got where we could only walk Hazel one direction.  With pepper spray.  I don’t know how many times animal control was called on those poor animal.  I called on 2 occasions when other dogs were getting attacked.  I thought Tank was going to kill this old yellow lab one day.  I came running out of the house with a f***ing flip flop in my hand.  Like that was going to do any good against a 100lb dog with a bite strength over 200lbs.  Adrenaline was pumping and I wasn’t thinking, but I did get them separated.    If the dogs were not roaming the street they were chained up in the yard.  In all weather conditions howling day & night. The Crackheads were the worst pet owners.  Again, neighbors from hell. 

                So you see settling into the new house a year ago took a little getting used to. We were accustomed to excitement on a daily basis.  Maybe this is a boring street.  But in this case, upon reflection, boring is a good thing.  I love my neighborhood. 

                Jalapeno!!

                Beef with broccoli.  Of course I added fresh peppers.  The beef cooked for nearly 2 hours so the meat was perfectly tender.  This isn’t a typical summer dish for us, but because the temperature was in the mere 70’s we went with it. 

                Loco Moco on King Kamehameha Day!  I promise this wasn’t planned.  It’s been a long time since I’ve made this dish and it really wasn’t quite as good as I remember it being.  I think it’s just that I don’t eat as much beef as I use to.  I still enjoyed it.

                Another HelloFresh from my friend!  Bibimbop.  This turned out to be AMAZING!  I wasn’t really sure what to expect.  It was a little time consuming to prepare because each veggie needed to be cooked separately.  Next time I’ll just combine them.  The flavor was excellent.   Three nights of beef.  Time to move on to chicken.

                Grilled sweet & sour chicken.  I don’t know why I’ve never done this before.  It’s always stir-fry or breaded.  This is clearly the option I’ll be going with more often in the future.  Much healthier and just as good.  Not to mention a lot easier to make.

                Grilled crab lets!  My friend was going to smoke them and I could not get crab off my mind so I decided to cook some myself.  I had planned on steaming the legs but the idea to grill them was planted in my mind.  I was not expecting them to turn out as good as they did.  I’ve been missing out all these years.  It was simply fantastic.  I don’t see myself preparing them any other way from this point forward.

                Cocktail of the week:  Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

                I had a friend suggest that I celebrate my birthday all week.  She said that’s what girls do so why don’t boys?  I took her up on that.  I’m not talking about going out to the bars and staying up all night.  I’m too old for that and I care about my bank account (And my health).  I’m talking about pampering myself.  I think I did a pretty good job of it.

                We got more rain!  Rained on my birthday!  I got my birthday wish. I couldn’t ask for anything else on my week of celebration.  Bekah also decided it was time to extend the driveway.  I know that’s what she has always wanted to do with our little side yard.  What I didn’t know was the drastic measures she was willing to take in order to ensure her goal.  Oh well.  I was celebrating.  Didn’t let a little demolition get me down.

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In all the years that I’ve worked on campus I had never once shown up on my birthday.  This year if fell on a Wednesday.  Middle of the week, so I came to work.  My birthday has never been acknowledged by my coworkers, and it wasn’t this year either.   BUT I got many wishes from across the campus.  Let’s be honest, most my friends are across campus.  They are the ones that make working here great.  And because of them, I really enjoyed coming to work on my birthday.  Who would have thought?  Not me?  I am very grateful for all of them.  Bless the lords, even the Llama was subdued.  It’s like he took a Xanax.   Might I make this a normal thing?  It falls on a Friday next year.  It’s going to be very hard to resist taking off.  The kindness of my campus family really put me in a good mood and set things in motion for a really beautiful birthday. 

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I got to spend some time with my sweet nephew all week.  Boy after my own heart.  Guy loves pizza.  His birthday was 3 days before mine so we celebrated with wind instruments.  We had a real blast.  I’m not sure how the parents will feel about this development and I really don’t care.  As an uncle it is my job to spoil him and I take that very seriously.  He also saw a ghost!  He had me help look for it.  I’m not beyond thinking that he actually saw one.  As adults we are not supposed to believe in such things, but I’ve had some experiences.  Bekah thinks that I’m haunted.  A story for another time.

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Had a little lake adventure on Thursday.  I spent a lot of time out at Twin Buttes during my youth and had many spots that I would spend considerable time.  Many of them are not accessible now or they are completely submerged.  It was great seeing so much water out there and I had a nice time hiking around.

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Weekend was spent watching Women’s World Cup.  Possibly my favorite sporting event.  It’s a shame they get less recognition than men’s.  I think that women play the sport better.  Maybe they have more to prove?  Whatever the reason I enjoy the heck out of it.  First matches held a few surprises.  I might have to take a half day so I can watch the first USA game tomorrow.

                Birthday eats:

                Burrito Baby!!!

I had a recipe for southwestern eggrolls.  I used it to make this.  It was actually very very good.  Made a chipotle ranch to drizzle over it.

                Chicken fajitas from La Chilanga.

                Cork & Pig pizza.  I liked it but should have stuck with the Mexican Chorizo.

                Harvest chicken salad from Zero One Ale House.

                Ahi Tuna Poke from Nakamura.

                Asian chicken meatballs.  I’m all in on ground chicken.  These turned out to be amazing.

                Spicy lettuce wraps from The Penny Tap House

                Green chili pizza from Trophy’s.

                Cocktail of the week:  Whatever this is.

                As I sit here listening to a coworker directly in front of my desk whispering seductively “Hey sweetie, looking good today” to his ivy while caressing its leaves, I begin to think that everyone I work with has some sort of personality disorder.  So what is mine?  For this to become ordinary, for me to just shrug it off as just another typical part of my day.  And there is SO much that I don’t even notice anymore.  Or rather, try not to notice.  I used to be creeped by this behavior.  Now I just ignore it.  It’s got me wondering what other lunacies blindly pass me by & how my mind has shut them out. 

                Let us call this character Jimmy.  When I first started working here, Jimmy flat out annoyed the ever living s*** out of me.  I questioned finding another job, but I needed the insurance for my condition. He was lazy, liked to hear himself talk, and worst of all he smelt terrible.  He had me doing the most mundane task for him all the time because he didn’t want to get off his rump.  It did not take me long to figure this guy out.  I stopped doing anything for him when he asked.  He was not my boss.  He soon learned to stop wasting his time trying.  As if to protest, he started playing awful music in the mornings.  Brittney Spears, salsa music George Michaels, the Beauty & the Beast soundtrack…  Bad enough I was getting it at home, I didn’t need it to follow me to the work place.  Luckily, my other coworkers had put up with him for much longer and they filed a complaint.  That took care of the music at least. 

                I’ve become convinced that Jimmy is a sadist and our poor cleaning lady, his victim.  Every morning when she is over here right before she is ready to clean the bathroom, Jimmy suddenly needs to “take care of business” as he likes to say.  He apologizes to her and ask if it’s okay that he use the restroom before she cleans it.  Then he is in there for a bit.  This is bad etiquette, to say the least.  This poor woman.  What’s she going to say?  No?  Of course not.  So she patiently waits, god bless her.

                Jimmy knows everything about anything.  I’ve heard him blow so much hot air up a salesman’s a** it’s amazing that they didn’t float away.  He has also worked so many different jobs over the years I don’t understand how he has managed to find the time for this one.  Think of anything and he has done it.  Astonishing, isn’t it?   Recreational activities?  The guy is F***ing superman.  There isn’t a thing he hasn’t or cannot do.  Black belt taekwondo, rodeo competitor, rock climber, bicyclist, power lifting.  It’s crazy.

                Over the years Jimmy’s oddities do not bother me as much as they used to.  Not to say that he still doesn’t have his moments.  I mentioned he likes to talk.  He has stood in front of my desk and told me about his gosh darn bowel movements for goodness sake.  I kid you not.  And worse things I don’t want to trouble you with.  I have a system worked out with a friend from another department where I type 911 in our chat program.  She calls and I pretend like she needs help with something.  This way Jimmy thinks I’m working and moves on to doing whatever it was he was doing before he cornered me at my desk.  Thank god for friends.

                Jimmy had the titles “worst person to work with” until the Llama came around.  Need I say more about the Llama?  I think not.  You have heard enough.  If you need a refresher, refer to my second entry “Ode to the Llama”.

                So the question is, should I really be thankful that my brain has become numb and blind to these men’s conduct?  I mean, my subconscious is still taking it all in.  They might be a reason I suffer from insomnia?  My brain is trying to process what it has witnessed.  I suppose it’s a good thing our minds can compartmentalize what is disturbing and what is not.  Maybe I just don’t give a f*** anymore.  They are not on my budget anyway.

                Bekah cooked most of last week so I’ll be rating 1-5 again.  She used Chrissy Teigens cookbook for 2 or the recipes.  Abandoned that idea after one disastrous effort and went back to what she cooks best.  We got some serious rain over the weekend.  4.8 inches.  Saw a few trash cans float down my street.  Dogs had a great time playing in it. 

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I also ate the HOTTEST thing I’ve ever experienced over the weekend.  I cried.  My glands were overactive.  I thought I was going to drown on my own spit.  Leaned over the sink and it was like a waterfall coming out of my mouth.  Bekah and I both had never seen anything like it.  I had sharp stomach pains.  Felt like vomiting.  Was terrified how that would feel coming back up.  Face went numb.  Paced the house in excruciating pain.  Sweating like I was in the summer sun.  Eyes blood shot.  Wanted to die for about an hour.  Bekah thought it was hilarious.  Than my adrenaline kicked in and I was wide awake till 1AM.  Felt like a million bucks. Thank you Jamie!

                Monday for Memorial Day I slow cooked a brisket.  It was okay.  A little on the fatty side.  I ended up with far too many leftovers.  I don’t want brisket again for a long time.  Sorry BBQ lovers, I’m just not hooked on it.

Parmesan crusted chicken breast w/ sautéed spinach. It desperately needed something else. Bland as it gets. Maybe let it marinade. Next time serve me an old leather shoe. I should have joined Hazel at the dog bowl. No offence to Teigen. Spinach was the best part of this meal. I give this a 2.

                Teriyaki bunless chicken burgers.  Yeah this one was a hit.  I mean look at those ingredients.  How could there be anything wrong with this plate.  Makes up for the lack of flavor the night before.  I was genuinely nervous I was going to be fed garbage all week.  What a nice surprise.  On a high note, Bekah gave up the cook book.   I give this a 5.

                Chicken & veggies.  This is one of her go-to meals.  It was actually one of the first things she cooked for me when we started dating many moons ago.  I only know the veggies that go into this meal, not the seasoning.  Diced tomatoes, yellow squash, jalapeño, asparagus, spinach & mushrooms.  I think it’s fantastic.  I give it a 5.

                Prosciutto sage wrapped chicken with a white wine reduction.  Fantastic flavor, though a little salty.  I give this a 4.

                I tried something new on Sunday.  Sweet soy glazed chicken stuffed jalapeño w/ sriracha corn on the cob.  It was delightful.

Cocktail of the Week: Sweet Lemon tea