Friday the divorce was finalized. Birthday divorce weekend. I took some time off. Bekah and I had lunch after the hearing. I got drunk. It was a heavy weekend. Monday I was cripple on the couch. People buy lots of drinks for the birthday divorce boy, sadly. I’m not 21. That was 20 years ago. It was fun and I’m glad people care. Wore me out.
Tuesday I hung out all afternoon with my nephew. Went to see a movie. Good times. He likes Doctor Pepper. Very behaved. We had an awesome time. I needed him. I won’t deny I tested up once just watching him so into the movie. Love him. He also came around and not like My Monster. 37year old toy at least. He was afraid until this weekend. Haha
I realize I’ve got a lot of other peoples drama in my life. Toxic people. I tend to look for the best in people and shrug off the blatantly obvious. Sometimes you need to listen to those trying to pry open your eyes. I generally am forgiving. It’s a new era in my life. I don’t want to close doors. I want to keep people in my life. Unless caused total damage, why not? People are generally in your life for a reason, you cared for one another. I know people think it’s weird I’m remaining friends with Bekah but I’m different and weird. Yeah. Oh well. It’s been a f***ing year.
This is a two week blog. I didn’t have enough to really write about. It was hot. The weekend of the 14-15 I went out on my third date with mystery woman #4. We laugh a lot and have good fun. We satisfied our nacho craving. Sunday was date with mom. That was my weekend.
Like I said, the week was hot. 110 degree hot. Zap the life out of you. Nothing fun by about that. We did have a nice full moon.
The following weekend I went out with the Slovak for some fun. It was entertaining. As usual, lunch with mom.
Rain and finally cool temps!! It was so nice. Too bad I drank way too much coffee. Monday I got home from work and vomited. I wasn’t about to eat that night. I was sick and restless. I took Tuesday off. I slept. Around 1 I finally nausea went away. I was still to afraid to eat. Comfort food later.
The rest of the week was very busy. I was all over the place. I had a bucket list tour that I almost didn’t make on time. Bad because I was the guide. When I signed up for it I assumed we would be taking the elevator. No, we walked up 10 flights of stairs. Someone is afraid of elevators. Ridiculous. Either way, the girls were all smiles and it touched my heart. It was a bigger tour than expected. What was supposed to be 3 people turned into 6. Friday rolled around and because it’s Memorial Day weekend they gave us a half day. Thought maybe I’d have a lunch date but nooooooooo. I was left to my own devices. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I might do a weekend blog. It’s been a while.
Oh yeah, the title of this blog. I must be watching too many horror films again and my dreams have become B-level horror. I’ve been known for bizarre dreams.
First dream. I was having a party. BBQ cooking outside. All of us drinking. I go inside to grab another beer and start visiting with the people in the kitchen. Lots of laughter. Suddenly we hear some commotion coming from the back. I go to look and these lingerie wearing demons are crawling out of the earth. Straight up Evil Dead if you know what I mean. They begin to butcher my friends. It’s too late so I try and slam the door before they come inside. Dream logic failure, they are in the house. The remaining of us flee. They are everywhere outside. We run for our lives with the demon women wearing very little bouncing down the street behind us . Why not get in our cars? Dream logic. Well, the demon women must have been track stars(or we were drunk) because they gain on us. One by one my friends are picked off. Finally they catch me and go for the neck. I awake. The first words from my mouth that morning were “demonic whores”.
Second dream. I was being stalked by this guy I always see walking on campus. Yes, he is a real dude in a fedora. I wake up in the morning and go to make some eggs. This fedora f*** is standing at the street motionless staring at my house. I duck away from the window, startled. Look back. He is gone. Get ready for work and off I go. Dream logic, time bounce. I’m still at work but it’s later in the day. I’m in a building that actually doesn’t exist on campus visiting with a friend. I feel eyes on me. I turn around and the guy is looking through the window. I ask my friend if they see that guy. They don’t see anything. Again with the time bounce. I have less detail but he is at HEB at the opposite side of the store staring. I get home and cook/watch the weather & go to bed. I don’t seem to have dogs. In the middle of the night I wake in a panic and fedora f*** is at the end of the bed staring me down. I than woke in a real panic. I’ve seen that guy walking since and he wigs me out. I try to go another route on the golf cart. I actually saw him on Thursday.
Jalapeño
Cielo quesadilla. Date with mom. Glad she was back. Win.
Broccoli beef with ground beef. Dud.
Bacon mushroom Swiss. Too salty. Dud.
Seared tuna, seaweed and leftover sushi. Win.
Asian chicken salad. Win.
Twin Peaks nachos.
BLT w/ egg.
Lily’s pizza.
Shrimp tacos.
I couldn’t even eat that on Monday. 😦
Comfort food. Chicken Divan.
Korean diced pork with Spivey fried rice.
Enchilada chicken. It was nuclear. I literally had to take a break and blow my nose. Finally I made something good this week.
PB&J burger again. I had to see if it was a fluke. It wasn’t. People need to try this. Seriously.
It’s taken some time but I’ve adjusted to the life as a single man. No one thinks they will get a divorce. Well, maybe some do. I just know that I didn’t marry with the intention of things not working out. I meant my vows.
When the process began I felt alone in many ways. The weekends which was our time to have fun turned into days by myself. Eating by myself. Having a drink by myself. One day The Slovak and I decided to say screw is and go have lunch. Call it a date, call it what you will. It was fun and it helped me realize that I didn’t have to be alone. There were people I could call upon. So I’ve had about 20 “dates” with various people whom have helped me in so many regards. Did I want to be single at 40? No. Am I happy being single at 40? Absolutely.
Just know life is a rollercoaster and the mind can be a merry-go-round. We eventually climb off. It’s just a ride. We all stepped on and we all step off. We jump onto another scary ride. Hold on.
“One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be that at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.” – Frederick Buechner.
Saturday was a second date with a female friend. I think 3 hours means it went well, right? Lunch and a walk around downtown. She is pretty cool.
On that note, went to lunch Tuesday with Slovak. Tuesdays are great days off. You beat Monday and you come back on Wednesday. Had some good lunch. I’m not playing the field, just free and most my friends happen to be female.
Capped off the week with a surprise. Went to happy hour to find a little joy. Have not seen her in a long time considering we live in the same town. She wasn’t happy, sadly. But life will come around. Crazy woman.
The bad thing about taking a Monday off is that Tuesday becomes your Monday. The real stinker is that it’s only your Monday. Everyone else had their Monday so you are the only one dragging your ass. Everyone else was dragging ass together the prior day. Now it’s just you alone dragging ass and everyone else has already conquered the hardest day of the week. You are alone in your struggles. Sad and alone.
Deep thoughts with Jordan Swiderski. Thank you!
Boring week. I took Monday off and got a little tipsy. Wednesday I ran into Bekah. She bought my drinks. I saw Kat Thursday. My crush. Friday Kami & I had drinks. It was fun. I love my friends. Nothing really happened this week.
The week wouldn’t end. Some people. I wanted to shove my shoe up someone’s ass. I blew up twice at work. But the main reason for my anger wasn’t even work. Life. People.
I’m happy again. Do you ever hear something that just gives you goosebumps. A song. A bird song. A breeze. You feel a flicker. A flicker. I don’t have much tonight or this week. I played driver. That’s about it.
I keep running into a total idiot from my past. I mean, we were friends but it was 10 years ago. He is still an idiot. Maybe more so than before. I am nice, but how much of a fool can one take. A fool is a fool.
Sunday funday. Went to brunch w/ The Slovak & 2 of her friends. Had some drinks and some great food. Enjoyed the company. Afterwards her and I decided to go out and have a few more drinks. I do look forward to my weekends with her We always have fun. 17 years. I think we know each other pretty well. Probably one of the longest consecutive friendships I’ve had.
I also have a new nephew, Jackson. He looks to be an adorable boy and I’m so happy for my little family.
Birthday girl Yvette got some presents &I made my first ever cheese cake. Probably my first ever cake come to think about it. I know her daughter loved it. I cut up some fresh strawberries and delivered 3 to her on campus. I remember why I don’t bake. I can, but I don’t. But it was worth it. Made the young lady happy. Everyone should be happy on their birthdays, I’ve learned.
Just a note to you all. No one ever wants to be replaced but sometimes being replaced is a gift to you. I sure know I’m in a better place. Cheers!
The croc found his 3rd home one campus.
New gallery. Eh.
Lisa needs to make a pedestal for my art.
Jalapeño
I’ve been meaning to try this. Alfredo burger. It was f***ing good.
Egg roll stir fry.
Sesame chicken.
Steak, mashed potato & asparagus.
Chicken pasta salad?
Peanut butter jelly burger. I was going to add bacon but didn’t think it needed. This was a curious venture. It was F***ING AMAZING!
On on hand I had a great Saturday. Cashed in my rain check from a canceled “date” weeks before. I hope I’m not over doing the flirtation. I don’t know WTF I’m doing but it is fun. Adult company. First it was for 1 but we really didn’t want brunch. Than it was 3 but oh no, they close at 3 and open again at 4:30. None of this was explained to me by any of the people that I talked to…. Planning these things.. out of touch. We decided 4 and somewhere else. It was a 2 hour affair and the next day my abs hurt so bad from all the laughs I wondered if I did sit ups sleepwalking. Fun first “date”. Pretty sure she had fun. Went to the museum downtown. Had forgotten Ice Cube, Cypress Hill & other rap groups were playing. It was hilarious people watching. The art was the 2nd best part.
On the other hand, my ex sent me a WTF text message Sunday evening. Unprovoked bull****. I had so many questions. Told me to grow up. Said I was talking s*** on social media. (Never happened. Is this social media? It’s not open to everyone. Most don’t even know who she is. I also don’t talk shit about her to people in person. No idea what that was about and I likely never will.). She asked me to send dog pictures so I did. “Don’t do that anymore! Don’t text me.” I sure as f*** will not. I replied, more or less, sure. I don’t care. I don’t think about her, thanks to her actions. Might have been a little harsh but she didn’t have to go there. Why send a long insulting text to me. That’s grown up. Who has been the “grown up” through all off this? Not her. It was kind of funny. It was also deeply sad. I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. I did wake up thinking to myself why the heck did she do that and what the heck was she even talking about. Who f***ing knows. The drink…. I don’t wish ill will. I just don’t like being treated like shit. I’ve had a lot of fuel to be an a**hole and I’ve done well with restraint. There was not reason for that text. Maybe the boyfriend or sister thought that would be cool? Again, who cares. Children. Move on.
Summary: It was a far better weekend than a bad one. Another women brought me up & my ex can’t kill my joy ever again.
The work week was okay. Someone walked away with our office pet. Nothing is safe on this campus. I watched “Nightmare Alley. Deeply disturbing and dark. I LOVED it!! National puppy day. Friday rolled around. The weekend I might meet up with The Slovak. Time will tell. Just having fun.
Jalapeño
Pizza that I made. Heavy on the jalapeño. Leftovers found a home.
Grilled chicken, onion, jalapeño, cheese and a spicy green sauce.
Salmon & broccoli cheese jalapeño.
Creamy Alfredo bow tie pasta. (Thank you Jamie, for saving the day!). I added chicken, sun dried tomatoes, spinach, broccoli & a little ghost pepper. Yeah, the ghost.
Monday and the time change. Why oh why!! It was also one windy SOB. My key gripe in life is the f***ing wind. Hate it. So when I was out & about on campus and beheld a small clutter of kids flying kites, I paused and watched them for a bit. They put to good use what I despised. The wind essential to their fun. I miss the simplicity of fun.
I listen to classical music every night. Or opera. It’s a new thing since the divorce. It’s beautiful. The movements. The grace. The warmth. I don’t think enough of us humans listen to the greats. It’s true beauty. What they say with their instruments. Art. It’s become my new sleep aid.
It was Spring Break on campus. So very quiet. It was 2 years ago that the world shutdown from the pandemic. It’s hard to think how much has happened in that time. What isolation does. It definitely had an negative affect on my wedding. I was stuck at home while Bekah was still trucking. Our shared weekends with friends basically ceased. Oh well, life moved on and so did we.
It gave me a friend in Yvette. One that I hardly knew before the shutdown. Before Jamie made a group text. Jamie and I grew closer, bonding over whatever BS was presented to us. Lots of needed phone talks. Isolation was lonely at times. I exercised, walking miles a day. Boy I miss that. What a crazy week it was. The talk going around. What was to happen. The toilet paper wars. I’m fairly certain I’ll relive that week every spring break. No way around it. What a ride.
Saint Patrick’s Day. What a day. I didn’t do anything. The last Patty’s Day I did was right before shit down with Bekah at the Penny. It was weird. No one wanted to really be close to each other. That’s was the last bar experience in over a year. I’m glad we went. I did make my own green beer.
Happy Friday.
A gift. A joy.
Jalapeño
Coconut curry chicken. It’s been a long while.
The rest of the week will be seafood. (Lies) To kick things off I made some fish tacos with cod.
Seared tuna, seaweed salad (someone complained every time we had seaweed) & of course, some jalapeño.
They f***ed up my seafood week. 2 days…. It was worth it. Time with mom & Teddy.
Discordance finally found peace. A cacophony at ease. Beauty at the end of disease. Prison gates opened. Almost ran to ground. Broken blades. Shards, splinters. Opened. Revival. Present. Here I am. True & happy. Dreams have broken. New dreams are always around.
Monday was a hell of a Monday The most excitement that I had was driving Yvette & Jamie around campus. I was soooo sleepy and do drank too much coffee to counter the yawns and I gave myself a sour stomach. Thought I might blow chunks at one point.
Tuesday was amazing. I actually woke up from a very restful night. Much needed. That was the beginning of the day. Later that morning it was divorce news. Everything was finally aligned. The endgame was in sight. It’s weird to admit this, but my mood was elevated. Goofed off with coworkers. Saw friends. Bounced around.
I took off work at 4:30 to get ready for The Deans birthday party. Neighborhood bar. The Parrots. I should have warned the bartender whom I’ve known for over 20 years. I wasn’t expecting nearly 30 people to arrive. I was a social butterfly for a man that hates being social. I have no problem doing it I just don’t like it. After it was over Jamie gave me the leftover cake which I shared with my mom and some coworkers. Sorry, Jamie. Sorry Mel. I finished with some Asian food and another drink. It was a f***ing great day.
Wednesday i woke up tired. I didn’t sleep for s***! That Sandman is a slacker. Yvette was also yawning so we got coffee. I took off early to go get some affairs in order. Dropped of the divorce work and decided to treat myself to a nice meal. It’s not everyday you have a day like this. I pretended my meal was half my savings. Most expensive salmon on earth. I ate everything. Licked the plate. I saw a 6th grade teacher at the bar that I thought must have been dead. 28 years since I’d seen the man. The music that played was aligned with my positive disposition. Again, a great f***ing day.
Thursday wasn’t bad. Saw my lady friends, of course. Played. Most uneventful day. What the hell. They can’t all be winners. It was warm. Mid-70. Friday would be much different.
Student art:
Friday I bailed early.
Jalapeño
I made a bunless burger using my Italian meatball recipe. Covered in melted swizz cheese over a bed of marinara sauce, it was a real delight.
En Fuego 