Goodbye, Gato.

Sunday was the day Samson was to be relocated. He would find a new home with Bekah. Cats adapt, but I will miss him. Bekah needs him. We decided to go have some lunch. Outback French onion soup and tuna for me. Beers as well. After lunch we went to have drinks and visit with a bartender friend of ours. We got drunk. We also talked. After drinks our dumb asses thought Taco Bell was a good idea. It wasn’t. Mistakes were made. Overall I think it was a good day. It was good to see Bekah and have some fun like we used to. A grain of salt. I do miss the cat trying to kill me in the mornings. I also miss Bekah.

The house is weird without Samson. The little f*** tries to kill me every morning and I’m not used to walking freely. It’s weird. I miss having to be alert. He loved Bekah. Was up her butt. I’m sure he will be fine. I won’t forget finding that little dude. 10 years with the s*** head. He is a fun guy. He will be puuuurfect with Bekah.

Ah, life. The time change hurts. It always does. Everyone is thrown. I wish they would ask the public if we still wanted it. It would be an overwhelming NO!! It is dark so soon after work.

My f***ing garage door decided to be a b****. I didn’t want me to go to work so I listened and didn’t go. Call it a mental health day. Tuna for lunch. I’m going to turn into a tuna. I went out and had a drink. I tied one on. Made a call I wish I hadn’t. It happens, I guess. I regret nonetheless. I’m not a hateful person but my emotions ran wild.

Friday I felt abandoned. All my campus friends were MIA. I felt lost. Displaced. Utterless. It as a lonely day. It was a LONG day. I left an hour early. The beer sure did taste good. I guess the highlight of my day was delivering the BIG D. Dropping the BIG D on a desk was great.

Jalapeño

Seared tuna.

Just a simple brunch. Hash browns with habanero sausage and a sunny side up.

Stuffed salmon and broccoli cheese.

Mushroom Swiss bacon burger.

Chicken legs. Buffalo sauce. Slaw.

Habanero Chicken Alfredo over broccoli. it hurt.

A burger.

Day Of The Dead & The Chilly Weather

Día de los Muertos. My alter is meager but is serves its purpose. What a cool tradition to have. I miss them all so much but they are together in a happier place. I spoke to each of them the night of.

The weather finally dipped. 40’s as a high, overcast & damp. Wednesday AM storm rolled in with a roar. Not the rain I wanted but I still got the gloomy days. It was refreshing.

Bekah & I went to dinner. Dinner was good. Had discussions. She cried. We need to file. It’s been far to long. Breaks my heart but it’s the truth. 4 months. I’ll always love her. 13 years.

I played driver for both Yvette & Jamie this week. Multiple mail runs. It was a bit brisk but also fun. Yvette gets a cart ride just about everyday. Jamie, not so much. She has a rude coworker that’s off work allowing her to fill the mail role. Enjoy the open air.

The week is finally over. Go as a ram.

Oh yeah! I finally had my backyard sprinkler system put in and the zeroscape. It looks good. Now I wait for grass.

Jalapeño

Spicy chicken with onion and jalapeño.

Cincinnati chili!

Seasame chicken.

Habanero burger!!!

Halloween: A Weekend Blog

A thief was amongst us!!

Saturday was the most productive that I’ve been in a couple months. I stopped living out of a laundry basket. I took care of the acorns in the driveway ( I’m sure I’ll being doing that again…). I went and hit the shopping centers. I have not been doing much at all on weekends but going out to eat and maybe grab a drink mostly I’m just at home. It was nice.

Grabbed some great sushi. I had not been to this place since pre-Covid. It hit the spot. I just sat and contemplated the bulls*** in my life. It was rather introspective.

I decided not to break tradition so I went back to the store and got another pumpkin to carve. It’s a great joy. This isn’t the first year I’ve done it alone. Last year I was alone. It still sucks. It’s fun together. But I had fun. I believe this was my best yet. I had been going fun and goofy the last few years. Had to go scary.

You know this is the first time in 13 years I’ve done this holiday alone? I’m sure the trick or treaters we built will miss us. And the parties at the house with all the kids. It’s a bummer, really. But we move on. I was looking forward. I am keeping tradition.

I got on the phone with Yvette & talked for about 2 hours somehow. That’s forever for me on the phone. Talk about Halloween weekend. How it was always an important day for Bekah & I. We had BS to discuss. I watched The Lords of Salem. It’s a good one. The only Rob Zombie movie that I care for. Witches freak me out. I recommend it. I fell asleep and awoke around 2. Decided to light the pumpkin up and enjoy it with a beer. That lulled me back to sleep.

HALLOWEEN!!!!! The dogs let me sleep in until 10 and I got up and made an early brunch of sausage egg habanero tacos. I had my moms plants to water (eek) and a movie to attended at 12:30. Dune!!

What an epic movie. I was so happy I went to see it in the theatre. It’s only the second movie I’ve seen since 2019 in a theatre. Wow. Jaw dropping. Only bummer was the 30 min preview. The amount of time I was there I could have flown to Florida.

After the movie I rushed home and got dressed. I was Lucifer. Short notice. I’ve been distracted. It worked. There was no way in hell I could bring myself to do Halloween at my house. It was too much a Bekah & I thing. A few good fold from ASU went to Jamie’s. I was the only fool to dress up. Had a little girl come up to me and stand still. She finally pointed and said “you are the villain!” Hahaha. It was fun. I needed my friends. I spend to much time alone. There is a limit to being alone.

After the fun it was Sonic cheeseburger & per tradition, Trick ‘r Treat. I must say I missed Bekah tonight. It’s hard to chunk 13 years of fun. I still had fun thanks to friends. And what a great movie. Happy Halloween!!!

Halloween Week!!!

It was a good week. My favorite month of the year. Yeah, it’s not the same as usual but I’m making due. The house has been Halloween festive. I have not watched many horror movies out of a distracted mind. I have watched the season 3 of “What We Do In The Shadows”. Great season. Good horror comedy and needed entertainment.

Thursday was the best day I’ve had in a while. Found out my sprinklers were finally getting installed. I’ve been on the waiting list since May. It was a beautiful fall day and I just sucked it all in. The campus is starting to look festive. Jamie & I went on a little adventure. She needed assistance in delivering a package and the golf cart is the perfect vessel. Afterwards it was the mail room because her coworker seems to have checked out. Next it was finding card stock from Lisa to replace hers that was needed for Halloween. Finally it was off to some fun to explore a abandoned part of the campus we never knew existed. It was also full of junk. She walks away with a prize. Ballet girl. After work I had a drink with a friend. The night was nice. Too nice. How will Friday be?🤔

The week capped off with another beautiful day. I had fun at work. Had my burrito. I laughed a lot. Good company and cart rides. This time of year the cart is a great feeling. Saw some pretty fun costumes. Went and saw a friend I have missed. My yard is finally in progress. I’m actually looking forward to the weekend. It’s looking to be a good one. My favorite time of year.

Jalapeño

A bologna burger. Gross idea.

Lemon asparagus chick stir fry. A delight.

I don’t know what the hell this was. I was going to make a burger but I’m bored of them. Basically a chopped up burger with grilled squash, peppers and onion cheese and green enchilada sauce.

The same as above but with chicken.

Breakfast for dinner. Sausage habanero jalapeño cheese omelet with some hash browns.

Watch A Shadow Cross The Floor

I watch a man die. Life has no meaning. Mine doesn’t. What is the meaning of my life? Do tell? Sun in an empty room. Watch a shadow cross the floor. Parallelograms of light. I awake at about 2AM every night. Deflate me.

Monday was my 7 year wedding anniversary. I also found out the night before that a very close friend from 15-16 year passed away. It was a bitch dragging my fucking ass into work. I did it. What else would I do. Also, I didn’t want to receive grief from Jamie because I would have missed another staff senate meeting. Might I add that that was utter hog wash. I’ve been assured they are not all so dramatic and long winded. I pray not. Either way, it’s a nice change of pace for me which I need right now. I think my mind was also just not feeling it. Lots of thoughts.

My mother and I had dinner and a good time. We ordered out. Italian. She also made me a special cheese cake. Comfort foot for the day. 7 fucking years. I wouldn’t trade a day. The wedding weekend was pretty amazing. I wish my wife had partaken more in the festivities. She really missed out. My mother and I reminisced. I’m glade she came over. The food was also pretty amazing. It had been a while since I’ve had dinner with another person.

I had no intention of going into work Tuesday. I needed to attend to matters and my mental health was in jeopardy. I took the day and I had one. I went to lunch. I went to my moms. I went to a couple bars. I did me. I needed it. Fuck it.

Wednesday was just a day. The rest of the week. I notice people don’t like to touch anymore. They both utter apologize when they do.

I went to work for 2 hours Thursday & a my friends funeral with my soon to be ex wife. It was a good service. We both agreed. Sad as hell. Great guy passed. After we went for lunch and I talked a lot. I’m not sure she liked it. I took the rest of the day off. And I repeat friday. My poor brother has Covid & the flu. What does death feel like?

Another day another funeral. We had to duck out early on this one, sadly. I had my blood sugar plummet and I almost fainted when I stood up. The girl will understand. She saw me. We embraced. Poor Caryn. Found out my mother-in-law has had another seizure. She is in the hospital. Bless her big heart. It’s been a fucking week. I only worked 23 hours. Good riddance.

Jalapeño

Egg bacon sandwich.

Basic burger.

Date night with my mother. Lasagna.

Salmon & broccoli cheese.

Meaty elbow pasta.

I made a fucking burger again.

Kneading My Hand Too Tight Against The Wheel. The End Of An Era.

Oh my what a week. It started out rocky with lack of sleep. There was a funeral I couldn’t bring myself to attend. Friends wife passed away from COVID. It’s a sad f***ing story that I won’t get into. I came into work for an hour to finish a report than I went home and took some meds and crashed for 4 hours. I needed it. It was the day my brother from another mother passed. I had a couple drinks in his memory that evening. It ended with a father of a friend leaving this world from COViD.

Homecoming week on campus is always so fun. This year makes up for last year of no events. I missed the mall March when I was in slumber, but the blue and gold I wouldn’t miss for anything. The bonfire and fire works were also very fun. Some poor bastards lost their dog.

Promised rain and we’re fulfilled. It rained & rained and rained. Finally we got our hurricane. Thank you, Pamala! You did us well. It was a great relaxing day. If only the rain had continued after work. It basically stopped as soon as I got off. Bummer.

My wife moved most her stuff out of the house. Big day. It’s weird to see the closets empty. The room bare. Sun on an empty room. On one hand, it breaks my heart. On the other, is a catharsis. I hate either way. It’s not what I wanted. When I would see old couples holding hands I saw myself & Bekah. Ah, life. Isn’t it a joy. I wrote a long blog about relationships falling apart way back in June that I never posted. That feels like a life time ago. I still have it saved & just gave it a read. I had hope. Hope is much like a dream. They don’t come true. I miss holding hands, who knew.

Jalapeño

Sesame chicken.

This was going to be on a bun but the remaining bun grew mold in the 2 days since I last viewed it. Tasty nonetheless.

Grilled fajita chicken w/ red onion and banana peppers over rice. Green sauce for the win.

Pulled pork tacos.

Pulled pork sandwich.

Chicken yakatori with noodles.

Steak mushrooms & porators.

Mushroom Swiss burger. Of course I added ghost peppers.

I Need A Chance To Be Reborn

Not much of a week to write about. I had good times with friends. Brisk mornings make me smile. Had my doctors visit. I let myself go over the summer. Shocking. Nothing to write about.

Jalapeño

Some hash brown sausage egg tacos.

Salmon patty with peas.

Cilantro lime chicken over line cilantro rice.

Soft chicken tacos.

Spaghetti

Double Decker Tacos

Green chili burger.

Mud

I made it halfway through Monday & threw in the towel at lunch. I was just in an incredible funk and decided to self medicate myself. It just felt right so I went with it. Not a habit I plan on making but in the last few months I have not done that yet which is a little amazing. I just spent the day with the dogs and watched silly movies. Tuesday I was better. I got my internet back after a week without.

We had rain and clouds in the forecast the rest of the week and it actually kept its promise. Not as much as I would have liked but a little is better than nothing.

After getting home on Wednesday and grilling I realized I needed to go to the bar for a farewell party I put back on all my BS and I went. Told myself a beer and a shot. She was happy to see me and I was a late. I’m glade I went. Only had an extra shot.

Retirement party for a fellow campus friend. I’ve known the man most of my life so it was kind of heavy hearted to be there on his last day. Good guy. The party was nice and I’m happy he had a pretty good attendance. Best wishes. I’m sure i will see him around.

Fuck it Friday.

Jalapeño

Sausage potato breakfast bowl.

Chicken fajita bowl.

BBQ steak and grilled okra. Canned corn.

Another basic burger.

I’ve got a burger problem. The Ghost is in this. with onion rings.

Another f***ing burger.

Autumn/Burger Week

I took the Monday off because it was going to be f***ing hot and d*** if I wasn’t right. It was 100+. Hopefully that’s if for the summer temps. A cold from came though and the lows reached 50, the highs reached lower 80. I rejoiced. My favorite time of year had arrived. Is it cool enough to buy pumpkins?

My house is too quiet. The dogs are great conversationalist but sometimes you want an adult to speak to. I’ve been holding evening phone conversations but that really doesn’t help with the quiet. It doesn’t help that my cable/internet/SiriusXM was all shut down. I have a radio I turned on to have background noice. It worked it’s magic. Yet not the same. My dogs seem extra moody. I’m assuming it’s because they have had the Weather Channel on all day everyday and now it’s just quiet. We all have to make adjustments. Ah, life.

Gripe. 3.5 serving? Really? Why not just 3? People are already bad a math and you divide it like this? About 21 pieces? You joke! I suppose I need to google how they calculate. As a person that has to watch carbs these labels annoy me to no end. Not that what I’m eating is healthy by any means but when your sugar drops at 2AM.

Friday was my burrito day. I switched it up on her. The day was long and boring. Because of sleep problems I was in a little funk. Day finally closed and I saw my mother and stopped by a bar for a quick drink before home called me. Movie night.

Jalapeño

Cheeseburger Day!!!

Double decker breakfast tacos.

A mess of a pizza.

Basic burger.

Basic burger #2

Basic burger # 3

Grilled chicken w/ onion and peppers and broccoli w/ rice.

Seared tuna w/ reduced soy & sriracha broccoli.

With A Bag Of Beer Held Like The Last Girl On Earth

Life is what it is. It’s beautiful. Its magic. It’s tragic. It’s not in your control. We can’t pump the brakes. It rolls on with or without us. We are a passenger. It’s a ride we take. Forward momentum. The thing is, we always reach our destination. Through the s*** & shine. We find ourselves where we were meant to be. It’s not easy. It’s not painless. Pain is life. I sometimes wonder if the human condition is too much. A simpler base life would do the planet and us better. Our emotions. They get the better of us. Love is a great feeling. Should it just be left for offspring. Should we live like the rest of the animal kingdom and procreate with whomever and only love our children? No settlement? Is this the human condition? But love is beautiful. It’s… powerful. I don’t know what the f*** it is. I love many people. I’m happy with that. I’m happy to love people. Too much thought? Adaptable things that we are. We are flexible beings. I will never give up on love.

It’s starting to feel like fall. A sign of progression. Like life, the seasons took off. We occupy only a glimpse of this world in our lifetime. What a glimpse it is. Everything. So much of it we end up taking for granted. Again, back to human nature. It’s almost like we need to be taught a course in how to live this life. We make mistakes. That’s normal. That’s the way of the world. Perfection isn’t key. We learn. We try and move on. Trying is important. When fall begins I feel hopeful. The mornings and evenings bring me peace. I feel comfortable. A sign of progression. It’s starting to feel like fall.

Speaking of time, Owen turned 3. He is still such a puppy. I had to get doggy cake for him and the party. Much appreciated. It’s difficult to believe he has been with us for this long a time. Time. The clock. Oh how it races. It’s already Mid-September.

Negligence. A word I keep saying to myself lately. Falling apart with time. That’s what happens if things are not up kept. But by the time Friday arrived I felt differently. I don’t know how I felt. Time time time. Perspective.