Pumpkin Spice… Let’s have a Discussion

WHY does everything need to have pumpkin spice in it these days?  It’s an abomination!!!  GROSS!  The only thing I dislike about fall.  When I saw that they were going to release pumpkin spice SPAM I’m pretty sure I threw up in my mouth a little.  That it completely sold out in under 7 hours makes me wonder about the current state of the world in much the same way that the tide pod challenge did.  What the hell people!   Listen, I love pumpkins.  I like pumpkin pie.  I like pumpkin bread.  Heck, I like pumpkin spice candles.  But some things just DO NOT need to taste like pumpkin spice.  It’s gone overkill. 

                Here I present a few pumpkin spice options out there:

1. Chips.  Pringles.  What the actual f***.  Who was the dumbs*** that thought this was a good idea?  I cannot even fathom.  I love Pringles.  They are an excellent chip.  I deem this sacrilege!  Burn it with fire!!!
2. Cookies.  So many different types of cookies have jumped on the bandwagon with this.  Oreos do not need to come with a pumpkin spice option.  They already come in so much variety.  Please, stop.
3. Coffee.  Starbucks Latte.  The drink that started it all.  The domino effect.  I’ll get stoned to death by the hipsters for this one.  This drink is a disgrace to a good latte.  I want to slap the person that thought to ruin a good source of caffeine by adding this foul flavor.  You Sir/Madame, should be ashamed of yourself.
4. Beer.  Someone needs a good kick in the a** for this one.  My brother likes this garbage.  I had some that lingered in my fridge for months before I was able to trick some poor friend of Bekah’s to actually drink it.  I felt like a total jerk even offering it to the poor girl.  She looked sickened and I told her to just pour it out.  That “I know, it’s awful.”  This stuff is so gag inducingly bad I am often left in wonder why the grocery stores stock much of it.  Then I remember that people actually drink this rubbish and I silently weep a little for mankind.  I cry for my broheim, for his taste I know are better than this.
5. Dog treats.  You have got to be f***ing kidding me?  It’s bad enough that you subject yourself to this s***.  You feed this to your unsuspecting fur baby?  Do you have a soul?  You monster…  Your sweet dog just wants to be loved and this is how you repay them?  Animal abuse!!!  Someone call the ASPCA. 
6. Cereal.  Ummm.  This is how you start your day?  What in the name of God is wrong with you?  You must like bad things?  Leave my Frosted Flakes alone you jerks!
7. Meats.  After seeing that SPAM now came in pumpkin spice flavor I decided to dig around and see what other meats did.  I was sickened by my discovery.  Humanity has reached new lows.  Pumpkin spiced sausage links.  Please tell me I didn’t see that.  Wait, you want something worse?  Pumpkin spiced fresh Atlantic salmon.  Barf!  The degenerate that came up with that.  Remove them from the gene pool please.  For f***’s sake, Buffalo Wild Wings is now serving pumpkin spiced chicken wings!!!  Lord help us!!!!
8. Tobacco and other nicotine products.  I said I like the smell of pumpkin spice, but not delivered in this way.  I’m glad my coworker, “Jimmy”, has not developed a taste for this filth.  He would be the type of person that would like it.  The SOB smokes grape flavored cigars. 
9.  Sauces.  I saw that they make pumpkin spiced pasta sauce.  Why not just plop spaghetti noodles on top of your pumpkin pie you sick f***’s.  They also have pumpkin spiced salsa.  Please, for the love of god, stop it already.  Is nothing sacred?  You are going to taint delicious salsa now?  How dare you waste perfectly good jalapeños!  Shame on you!! This is just wrong on so many levels.  Don’t even get me started on pumpkin spice pizza sauce.  I am getting angry just thinking about it.
10. Gum.  Who in the h*** wants to use pumpkin spice as means to freshen their breath.  Let’s say your “honey” ate some really strong red onions and garlic bread for lunch.  They pop the gum into their mouth.  They want a kiss from you.  You, unknowingly, go in for the kiss.  What you receive is a mouth full of onion, garlic, and disgusting pumpkin spice.  Your stomach churns.  You feel betrayed.  Why would the love of my life do this to me?  You might as well have eaten out of the litter box.  Who is this person that you thought you knew?  You can’t ever look at them the same again.  This creature you once adored.  Love forever blemished. 

So there you go.  Enjoy your pumpkin spice.  Before long everything edible will have a pumpkin spice option.  Irregular is normal.   I hope you are happy when that day comes.  For me, it’s a sign that the end of days is upon us.  For we surely do not deserve this life we were gifted.

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No Jalapeño……..

                Tuesday was a real treat.  It was basically my Monday.  I was to have my mother over for dinner and I was going to cook.  I really didn’t want to cook.  I was tired, cranky, and put off by the Llama.  I just wanted to chill out and maybe have a glass of wine to calm my nerves.  Facebook came to the rescue.  My memories show that 3 years ago I was eating a delicious plate of sesame chicken from Mathis Field Café.  I immediately called all parties involved to see if dinner could be scraped for take-out.  They both thought the place was closed.  Not at all, I said!  Everyone agreed that that sounded like a good idea.  I took down their orders, placed a call, and my mom picked it up since she was right in that area.  It was DELICIOUS!  Not on the diet, I know.  I’m trying hard to get back on that. 

                We had the chicken Alfredo w/ broccoli tonight.  This I had done fairly recently and it was intended to be the meal I cooked for my mom since she thought it sounded pretty awesome.  It’s good as always.

                Again, a meal I’ve done recently.  Orange Soda Chinese Chicken.  Almost forgot the soda, which is clearly a major part of the meal.  I marinated the chicken for 2 days in soy, ginger & garlic.  A little too much sodium.  If I’m going to marinate it in soy, I need to not add soy to the sauce.  I have only myself to blame on this one.  I still finished it off.  Bekah, not so much.

                As per tradition with Bekah not at the house, I make pizza.  Tonight it’s pineapple, pepperoni, Canadian bacon and jalapeño.  The crust was perfect, the toppings fantastic.  Pineapple on pizza is so divisive.  You either love it or hate it.  I love it.