The Strange, Bizarre, Peculiar, Abnormal, Odd & Funny

                As I sit here listening to a coworker directly in front of my desk whispering seductively “Hey sweetie, looking good today” to his ivy while caressing its leaves, I begin to think that everyone I work with has some sort of personality disorder.  So what is mine?  For this to become ordinary, for me to just shrug it off as just another typical part of my day.  And there is SO much that I don’t even notice anymore.  Or rather, try not to notice.  I used to be creeped by this behavior.  Now I just ignore it.  It’s got me wondering what other lunacies blindly pass me by & how my mind has shut them out. 

                Let us call this character Jimmy.  When I first started working here, Jimmy flat out annoyed the ever living s*** out of me.  I questioned finding another job, but I needed the insurance for my condition. He was lazy, liked to hear himself talk, and worst of all he smelt terrible.  He had me doing the most mundane task for him all the time because he didn’t want to get off his rump.  It did not take me long to figure this guy out.  I stopped doing anything for him when he asked.  He was not my boss.  He soon learned to stop wasting his time trying.  As if to protest, he started playing awful music in the mornings.  Brittney Spears, salsa music George Michaels, the Beauty & the Beast soundtrack…  Bad enough I was getting it at home, I didn’t need it to follow me to the work place.  Luckily, my other coworkers had put up with him for much longer and they filed a complaint.  That took care of the music at least. 

                I’ve become convinced that Jimmy is a sadist and our poor cleaning lady, his victim.  Every morning when she is over here right before she is ready to clean the bathroom, Jimmy suddenly needs to “take care of business” as he likes to say.  He apologizes to her and ask if it’s okay that he use the restroom before she cleans it.  Then he is in there for a bit.  This is bad etiquette, to say the least.  This poor woman.  What’s she going to say?  No?  Of course not.  So she patiently waits, god bless her.

                Jimmy knows everything about anything.  I’ve heard him blow so much hot air up a salesman’s a** it’s amazing that they didn’t float away.  He has also worked so many different jobs over the years I don’t understand how he has managed to find the time for this one.  Think of anything and he has done it.  Astonishing, isn’t it?   Recreational activities?  The guy is F***ing superman.  There isn’t a thing he hasn’t or cannot do.  Black belt taekwondo, rodeo competitor, rock climber, bicyclist, power lifting.  It’s crazy.

                Over the years Jimmy’s oddities do not bother me as much as they used to.  Not to say that he still doesn’t have his moments.  I mentioned he likes to talk.  He has stood in front of my desk and told me about his gosh darn bowel movements for goodness sake.  I kid you not.  And worse things I don’t want to trouble you with.  I have a system worked out with a friend from another department where I type 911 in our chat program.  She calls and I pretend like she needs help with something.  This way Jimmy thinks I’m working and moves on to doing whatever it was he was doing before he cornered me at my desk.  Thank god for friends.

                Jimmy had the titles “worst person to work with” until the Llama came around.  Need I say more about the Llama?  I think not.  You have heard enough.  If you need a refresher, refer to my second entry “Ode to the Llama”.

                So the question is, should I really be thankful that my brain has become numb and blind to these men’s conduct?  I mean, my subconscious is still taking it all in.  They might be a reason I suffer from insomnia?  My brain is trying to process what it has witnessed.  I suppose it’s a good thing our minds can compartmentalize what is disturbing and what is not.  Maybe I just don’t give a f*** anymore.  They are not on my budget anyway.

                Bekah cooked most of last week so I’ll be rating 1-5 again.  She used Chrissy Teigens cookbook for 2 or the recipes.  Abandoned that idea after one disastrous effort and went back to what she cooks best.  We got some serious rain over the weekend.  4.8 inches.  Saw a few trash cans float down my street.  Dogs had a great time playing in it. 

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I also ate the HOTTEST thing I’ve ever experienced over the weekend.  I cried.  My glands were overactive.  I thought I was going to drown on my own spit.  Leaned over the sink and it was like a waterfall coming out of my mouth.  Bekah and I both had never seen anything like it.  I had sharp stomach pains.  Felt like vomiting.  Was terrified how that would feel coming back up.  Face went numb.  Paced the house in excruciating pain.  Sweating like I was in the summer sun.  Eyes blood shot.  Wanted to die for about an hour.  Bekah thought it was hilarious.  Than my adrenaline kicked in and I was wide awake till 1AM.  Felt like a million bucks. Thank you Jamie!

                Monday for Memorial Day I slow cooked a brisket.  It was okay.  A little on the fatty side.  I ended up with far too many leftovers.  I don’t want brisket again for a long time.  Sorry BBQ lovers, I’m just not hooked on it.

Parmesan crusted chicken breast w/ sautéed spinach. It desperately needed something else. Bland as it gets. Maybe let it marinade. Next time serve me an old leather shoe. I should have joined Hazel at the dog bowl. No offence to Teigen. Spinach was the best part of this meal. I give this a 2.

                Teriyaki bunless chicken burgers.  Yeah this one was a hit.  I mean look at those ingredients.  How could there be anything wrong with this plate.  Makes up for the lack of flavor the night before.  I was genuinely nervous I was going to be fed garbage all week.  What a nice surprise.  On a high note, Bekah gave up the cook book.   I give this a 5.

                Chicken & veggies.  This is one of her go-to meals.  It was actually one of the first things she cooked for me when we started dating many moons ago.  I only know the veggies that go into this meal, not the seasoning.  Diced tomatoes, yellow squash, jalapeño, asparagus, spinach & mushrooms.  I think it’s fantastic.  I give it a 5.

                Prosciutto sage wrapped chicken with a white wine reduction.  Fantastic flavor, though a little salty.  I give this a 4.

                I tried something new on Sunday.  Sweet soy glazed chicken stuffed jalapeño w/ sriracha corn on the cob.  It was delightful.

Cocktail of the Week: Sweet Lemon tea