Real pumpkins!!!!! I probably looked like such a dork but I was so excited. At least people couldn’t see the ear-to-ear grin on my face due to the mask. I think the temperatures might finally be nice enough for some on my porch. Oh, and how about as a centerpiece on the dining room table. Sure.

My favorite time of year. I know officially it begins next week but it came early this year. Screw the official date, I’m calling it fall!! My house looks and smells like to. The weather feels like it. It’s fall. Funny how one weather event can turn it all around, right?

Tuesday our boy Owen had his 2 year birthday. Hard to believe we’ve had the goofy b****** for so long. He is a real goof. He got to chew on some pig ears as a present and was pampered with love. I’m so glad he grew out of his destructive stage. Sweet boy.

My biannual date with the vampires was extra special on Thursday. I think the lab tech was having some sort of existential crisis. I’m the one getting the blood drawn and she is the one that seemed down right done. I always try small talk at the lab. Not only does it help me cope with the fact I’m being drained of my life source, but I hope it makes the vampire more comfortable doing her job. I joke with them. This day it didn’t go so well. I mentioned how different things were from my last appointment. That was about 2 weeks pre-COVID. The lab tech just stares of into space and says in a flat tone: “No one talks about the virus anymore. It’s as if it doesn’t exist…”. Than BAM!!! She stabs my vein. Actually, she scratched my arm with the needle and then stabbed my vein. It was the most unpleasant lab experience yet. (At the time of writing this portion, some 7 hours later, my vein is still throbbing.). I didn’t say another word. I left in a state of bizarre confusion. I wanted to sic my friends on her. The psychopathic b****!

Friday was interesting. I upset the HR department with my honesty, got on a VPs radar for the second time this week, and learned some fascinating campus news. Lucky thing I was checking out early for my doctors appointment. Which went well, I must add. I’ve lost 15 pounds since my last visit in February. He was proud of my lab results and the weight loss. I enjoy my doctor visits. The nurse and I joke around and my doctor and I do the same. We have some interesting banter. I’m often chastised for my exercise regime. He often says “what are you, 90?” It’s because I walk and take the stairs. Well I’ve been waking miles, sir. 5-6 a day.

After the visit I went sight seeing and eventually. Mowed the yard. It was a beautiful afternoon after an irritating day at work. I was so f***ing annoyed by the morning. I know I brought it upon myself. When HR says I’m not taking the virus seriously I want to tell them to f*** themselves. I bet I’m taking it more seriously than they are. I live with the virus everyday. They want me to lie. I get punished for my honesty. Why have the system if you don’t want people to be honest? Begs the question, doesn’t it? Ah, life.

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Horror season begins. Yes, it’s only September. But in our house that’s when we begin watching horror films. I think until after Halloween I’m going to begin to recap the horror films that I especially enjoyed during the week. It won’t be entire blogs worth of material, but a sub section or an end cap. I’m just already in the mood to celebrate Halloween. By far my favorite holiday.

Horror Film

Porno. Not “porno”. Heck of a title to name your film. Well, not really a safe title to google from work. Searching for it on Amazon was also a treat. My God, I almost was pulled down that rabbit hole. The thing that pop up when you search the word porno. Take a dive, if you wish. Do it!! Supply and demand, I suppose. Before I digress, back to the movie at hand. I’d heard of this horror film back in February. It kind of was put on the back burner due to COVID. It resurfaced on a film site I read daily so my interest was peaked. Porno was a great throwback to the 80’s gore. Not for the weak of heart. Naturally with a title like that you are going to get some full on nudity. No sex, mind you, but full frontals. Definitely not family friendly. One thing that was great about the film was the humor. It was delightfully funny. Bekah and I died. It’s about movie theatre employees after hours. The stumble upon a hidden room and find a secret film. This is in 1992 so film reel is still a thing. Hell, some of the films playing at the fictional movie theatre were “A League of their Own” & “Encino Man”. The film the find is naturally cursed. It released a evil. succubus. A female demon know to use sex to her advantage. Terror, and nudity, ensue. Believe it or not, the ending is very “feel good”. Watch it. I recommend. It was art.

Jalapeño

Bunless green chili burger with some smashed avocado and pickled red onions.

Breakfast on a bun. Or “BOB”. Hot breakfast sausage, scrambled eggs on a hamburger bun. We dipped in maple syrup. It was very tasty. Bekah loved it. A win!

Spicy buffalo grilled chicken thighs. The heat was something great. The high, nice and tender. To accompany the heat, we had a cool ranch garden salad. Pretty simple well rounded meal.

Some sort of street taco? We were going to make queso burgers but I decided to get creative. Use the ground beef and mix with jalapeño and onion. When not throw the rotel and some of the velveta in. Oh, I had a quick pickle red onion. They really complemented the meal. And some cilantro. And queso fresco. Whatever you want to call it, we loved it.

Lemony chicken asparagus stir-fry. The sauce is a mixture of chicken stock, lemon juice & zest, soy, ginger, garlic and brown sugar. It’s been a while since I’ve had this meal and it didn’t disappoint. Also, it’s freaking simple.

Salmon croquettes. I use to make this almost weekly but it’s been a really really long time. They are kind of messy but rather worth it. Since I have the pickled onion I tried that with them. Pretty dang good. I think Bekah was totally thrilled I made them.

Italian chicken with spaghetti squash.

Chicken fajita pasta. No complaints. Simple no brain concept. A hybrid Italian/Mexican meal. Why not. The flavors worked.

Cocktail of the Week: 12 year Scotch.

West Texas. One day it will reach 100 and the next it’s in the 50s. That’s pretty much what we got this week. It had been so blistering hot and suddenly it was winter. 50s feel pretty chilly when you’ve been baking in an oven everyday for over a month.

The most important thing about the week was the amount of rain that we received. Wednesday – Friday I measured over 5 inches of rain. 5.3 to be exact. I was such a happy camper. 3 days of rain and gloom on top of it being a short week. I felt like my wishes had been granted. I didn’t want it to stop. I was greedy for more. Stay behind the clouds forever, sun. GO AWAY!!!

My mood is so much better when we have days like this. I feel like my batteries have been recharged. I’m often hyper. Things that would normally irritate me have less likely a chance to. My attitude, f*** it! I don’t care. I think I’d thrive in places like Seattle. Where as the rain depresses people, the sun depresses me. I wonder if that’s some built in genetic s***. I mean, look at me? I’m not one designed for the sun and my ancestors before me.

Bekah started splitting her job. She is doing what she normally did, but now also adding CNA duties because they are short state wide. It remains to be seen if this will be something she plans on doing long term. It’s voluntary. My mornings without her have been different. I know realize just how much energy she brings to the mornings. It’s soooooo quiet without her.

911 was 19 years ago this Friday. I’m not going to do the whole “I remember where I was, what I was doing, blah blah blah.” I’m going to say that this day is and like will forever be emotional to me. For all those lost and for the world that changed overnight. This country has never been the same. For that matter, the world. Fear became more prevalent. I which people thought about that. Know what your really afraid of. It might be something from within, not the outside.

Jalapeño

Coconut curry chicken. I was a little rusty making this meal. It had been a while but it turned out great.

For the cold night we wanted something warm. Now that I had the Best seasoning required to properly make Jamie’s gumbo I figured this was a good night to try it. I subbed chicken for turkey(which is a no-no) and added a little jalapeño(which is also a no-no) but otherwise followed the directions to the T. My god was it not amazing. The seasoning makes all the difference. Also had enough to freeze for another day. It might not have been as good as hers, but she has had time to perfect it.

On Wednesday I asked Ella, a friend on campus, what was her cool weather meal. It was Taco Soup. The following day when the weather was very much the same I couldn’t get it out of my head. We were to order carry out Pho, but the idea of making a new soup consumed me. Soup is my favorite thing to make. You can do so much. You mingle so many different things. It’s an art. Some times it’s complex. Other times it’s as simple as throwing can golds together. This turned out to be simple. It was delicious. Thanks to Ella, I have a new soup that I’ll make every year during soup season.

Chicken tikka masala. It’s a comfort food and Bekah was in need after new hours and extra job duties. Simple. Do you like how we started the week with Indian food and capped it off with more Indian. That was not intentional.

Cocktail of the week: Samuel Adams Octoberfest. My favorite seasonal beer and I feel like I can finally drink it.

AND…12 Year Dewars. A scotch.

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. We have ourselves a long weekend. With very little to do. Because, well, the COVID. Usually I think I’d be in Alpine but we sold that property and here I am languishing at my casa like I tend to do every weekend since f***ing March. What a dream come true.

I awoke with a mission to find more pumpkins, specifically, blue. My mission was a success. Bekah wondered why more pumpkins were needed. Well, can you ever have enough? They will be in place until the end of November.

For lunch I made some southwest burgers. Tried to mimic one of my favorite in town. A Serrano Mayo, avocado, hatch chili’s, jalapeño, spring mix and tomatoes. It was a delightful beast.

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I had the pleasure of giving the dogs a bath. I lost at rock, paper, scissors. While in the midst of my chore, it decided it wanted to rain. Well, really just sprinkles. I got a little wet and I loved it. It’s been teasing all week. I don’t feel what I got was the answer to my prayers. Give me something epic for the love of god!!!

So we FaceTimed the Slovak. I did for a little while. The conversation was insane. I heard things that are better left unsaid. Someone was seriously in the drinking mood. This went on and on for a couple hours.

For dinner I made a chipotle chicken with a chipotle pasta with corn. It was delicious.

Sunday morning my house was like a tomb. So quiet, except for the occasional moan coming from down the hall. You see, Bekah was in a bad place. The drink put a beating on her. She isn’t sure she is going to make it out of bed.

She requested hangover food. Well, I obliged. I made chorizo potato and huevos a la mexican with bacon tacos. Oh, and refried beans. A special request. I must admit the meal was delicious. I think it worked, because she didn’t go back to bed but managed the couch.

After brunch she vegged on the couch and I completed some chores. HEB was a total mad house. The shoppers seemed lost, as they were meandering up and down the aisles like complete dumb dumbs. I decided to only grab what I needed for the day and save the rest of my shopping for tomorrow when I’m off from work. I couldn’t handle so much stupid. People bumped into me. Stopped right in front of me. Blocked aisles with perplexed moronic looks on their faces. Had these idiots ever shopped this store before? I hadn’t the patience for a bunch of block heads.

Bekah’s condition was only abated by the munchies. Only a couple hours after brunch she became painfully aware no “hangover” food was in our house. That means chips, microwave Mac or potatoes. Whatever. I feared a trip tot he store again. Instead I went to Rosas. I got a variety of s***. She munched to take her mind off her pain. We still had dinner right around the corner. Sunday’s, my friends.

Wagyu beef Hamburger Helper MAC style for the beautiful princess. This has become the go-to comfort meal in our house. I will say it’s pretty freaking good.

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What to do on my day off? Well how about watching Hotel Transylvania 2. I was able to watch the first one a couple weekends ago and found it quit enjoyable. I’d been told that they are a treat. Have not been let down. I miss watching animated films.

Next up, my weekly grocery trip. It’s amazing that I can fit a weeks worth of food into a little basket. I’m excited about this weeks menu. It’s cooling down so I’m cooking more appropriate foods for the cooler weather.

Once back at the house I start Hotel Transylvania 3 and begin throwing together lunch, fish tacos. And some grilled corn salad. Having just watched all 3 movies in such a rapid time I’m hard pressed to say which on I liked the best. Possible the 3rd one. I don’t know. The first was also very good.

So what did I do with my day off? I watched animated films. Good times. I was going to watch more but SuddenLink decided to give up on me so I was forced to find something else to occupy my time. How about pickle some red onions. While I’m at it, let’s prep for tonight’s dinner. Might as well with the knife out.

5 o’clock rolled around and I decided it was time for an adult beverage. Are you surprised that I waited so long? I honestly am! Unsweet tea w/ lemon Deep Eddy vodka. Never a more refreshing summer drink. Yes, it’s still summer. This week, though, it will feel like fall. Hell, it might feel more like winter after the 100+ temps we have had. I can’t wait!!

Bekah wanted sriracha chicken thigh and hoisin onions. I prefer breast. 🤷‍♂️. Whatever. I turned out really good. Married couples make sacrifices. She had to work and I didn’t. She deserves what she wishes. Love her.

That concludes a weekend blog. So exciting, I know. You wish you had my life. Hahaha. Hope you had fun. Hope you had more excitement. Cheers to all you happy f***’s. Happy happy joy joy!!

                The week was long.  Too long.  It was dragging its heels.  By the time Friday arrived I was done.  Let us talk about the days of the week, shall we.

What is the best day of the week?  Let’s start by establishing the worst days.  Clearly we can all agree that Monday is the worst.  You have to get back to work or school (or maybe not, you could be well-off our unemployed, in which case every day is either perfect or really f***ing miserable).  Only time Monday isn’t bad is when you have it off, which turns it into Sunday and Tuesday into Monday.  Confusing?  That’s a different conversation.  Let’s just keep it basic.  Most Mondays are the start of the week and a pain in the a**.  People that like Mondays are psychopaths.  Watch out of those scary f***ers. 

So what day follows?  Sunday or Tuesday?  Tuesday is Monday lite, am I right?  It’s like the difference between cottage cheese and sour cream.  They are both terrible but one is clearly worse.  Tuesday is the sour cream.   It’s a little better than Monday, but really only a little.  At least Monday is behind you but the weekend is far off on the horizon.  But let’s talk about Sunday, the cottage cheese.  Yes, you still have a day away from work.  But do you really have a day where you can do whatever you would like?  Sunday is often the day of chores.  In fact, by its very nature that is work.  Maybe just as annoying because you have so many fun things you could be doing but no, you are doing laundry, cleaning house, doing the yard, etc.   Also, the fact that the next day is Monday is forever on your mind.  Work is ever looming over your shoulder.  As the hours tick on by, the shadow grows ever larger and darker.  By the time you hit the hay, Sunday has become nothing but another work evening.  You have to set your alarm and hope for some shut eye so that you can somewhat function the next morning.  I vote that Sunday is the second worst day of the week.  In my head I can’t kick the thought that I have to get up and go to work the next day.  What if I wake up and suddenly feel the urge for day drinking?  Well, I probably shouldn’t do that because I will only be making Monday all the worse. (I have done this and it is much worse.) 

Wednesday and Thursday and very equal in my book.  They are the transitional days of the week.  You feel like you’ve got this.  You’ve grabbed the week by its balls and have total control.  Walking out of the office Wednesday a smile settles over your face knowing only 2 days remain and you are home free.  My god, you have almost made it.  It’s a rather special feeling.  The pains are likely behind you.  It’s time to put on cruise control and coast joyously into the weekend.  Freedom from the constraints that bind us are just around the corner. We like to call Thursday “Friday Eve” on campus. It just makes the day feel better referring to it as that.

So it’s between Friday & Saturday.  I think 6 months ago I would have said Saturday was my favorite day of the week, but amidst all this COVID bulls*** I can’t really do anything.  I spend my day at the house.  Maybe go to one of the parks around town for the 100^th time since March.  Oh boy, let’s order carry-out again and pretend we are dinning out.  Maybe pop open a beer with my lunch?  What else do I have on the agenda for the day that’s stopping me?  A big NOTHING!!!  My Saturdays have become monotonous.  Well, there is the one constant: FaceTime with Slovak.  That can get dangerous.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy Saturdays.  But they are no longer the best day.  If things ever get back to normal it will likely regain its title.  As of right now that belongs to Friday!

After the hustle and bustle of the week when Friday arrives everything just feels better in life. You can’t not be in better spirits on a Friday. You have made it. You conquered. You are the winner. The jubilation one feels when 5 o’clock rolls around on a Friday. You are finally free from the oppression that is work until the dreaded Monday rolls back around and veers it’s ugly head. I think the fact that I can finally relax is what puts Friday at the top. Why I consider it the best day of the week.

Now that that’s been established I just want to talk about how we were teased with rain all week long. We got a vicious lightning and thunderstorm Monday but no f***ing rain to accompany it. I was not a happy camper. I need rain. We need rain. Putting a percentage in the forecast and not getting any is depressing. Especially when you can visually see the thunderstorms in the distance ever afternoon. Really, it’s just outright rude. So on top of a long f***ing week, I had rain dangled in front of my nose like a steak in front of a dogs. What a bummer, man. If you couldn’t tell, I’m still bitter over it. Maybe this evening I will surprised.

We went fall, btw.

Jalapeño

Waffle sandwich.

Sweet and sour pork tenderloin.

Bloody teriyaki steak.

Amazing shrimp

Beer battered cod.

Ordered out. Long week, clearly.

Cocktail of the week: what choice should I make?

What a week. I don’t have much to write about and this will be short. Drinks with a friend at the house for the first time. 30 min turned into 3 hours. I’d say we had a good time. It’s been a long time coming. I get anxiety and have a problem getting together with people after hours. It was great though. Bekah had fun as well. Some times break the shell that contains you.

I guess I should also mention hurricane Laura. Although it had no direct impact on me it was an exciting event from a weather geeks perspective. My heart goes out to all those that were impacted by the storm. The damage I’m seeing is devastating to behold. The video, lord. What a night I had watching it roll in at 150 mph winds. It brought me back to Harvey which was 3 years ago this week.

National Dog Day!!!

Jalapeño

Brunch. Alone. I made steak and tater tot hash. The steak couldn’t have been better. The has was great.

Bekah burger. I know, it’s not the most presentable looking but damn if it’s not good. She added Ghost Pepper to mine.

Meatball marinara w/ spaghetti squash.

Bibigo. Korean BBQ.

BBQ chicken thigh.

Derek made hot legs. We ate them cold after 3 hours of drinking. What a treat.

Cocktail of the Week: whatever the concoction Bekah made.

The fall semester is upon us. The students have things a little different this year. Social distancing and mask required on campus. If you’ve been trying to stay safe the past 5 months this shouldn’t be a new concept to you, but these are college kids and they have hormones and want to party and enjoy the whole college experience. That throws social distancing out the window. I’m very worried that our number will begin to sky rocket now that class has began both on campus and around town. My thoughts? Labor Day weekend is going to be a LONG weekend. Time will tell.

One thing about the week, at least on my end, was that it drastically calmed down. The s***show that had been the prior weeks was gone. My position has very little to do with the students so it might have been absolute hell across campus as far as the faculty and staff west of us were concerned. I wondered to myself if we had set the bar high towards disaster and maybe in reality it was mid rung. I’ll admit to being a little apprehensive due to how calm it was. Usually the first week of school on a normal year is something interesting.

It seems the mask police are out in full force. It’s not frowned upon me being alone on a golf cart without a mask. I can keep a distance from a student, trust me. But I keep hearing I’ll be made an example of. Basically, if you are on campus alone outside, anywhere; you must have a mask. I’m sorry, that thing is off my face as soon as I walk out a building. If a cluster of students are around it remains on. But I don’t need to wear a mask from the building all the way to my car if I’m the only person within 100 f***ing feet. Am I wrong?

Anyway, Friday arrived and I found myself alone. Bekah and Connie went on a much needed road trip. I’m also in need of one of those one of these days. I have no idea what I will do. Probably nothing. Argue with myself over what’s for dinner. Hope you all have a nice weekend!!! Cheers!!!

Jalapeño

For brunch I made a chorizo bacon burger. This was both delicious and disgusting at the same time. So decadent was the meal. Sinful. I cooked chorizo and added it to the ground beef. I threw some bacon on the griddle and once it was done I used the bacon grease to cook the patties in. Then I fried and egg. This thing is a heart attack. Heart healthy.

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Taco salad Monday. Something a little on the light side after that burger. It was refreshing.

Another salad. Cilantro lime chicken salad. Again, refreshing.

Chicken Alfredo over steamed broccoli. I spiced up the sauce which is why in appearance it looks more like queso. It was tasty.

I made a stir fry with what I had. It was good, nothing special.

Friday we had planned on some meatballs and spaghetti squash. Bekah and the sister-in-law decided on a road trip. Can’t say I’m not jealous. I have not left this town since 2019. Anyway, I decided to try a pizza place I keep wanting good things about. It was busy, and a mess to get the pizza , but it was the best in town that I’ve had. Amazing. No joke. Amazing.

Cocktail of the Week: Premixed margarita. I got what I could get.

Something I saw in the store today left me flabbergasted. It also left me mildly annoyed and a little nauseous. Can you take a guess what that might have been? It was f***ing pumpkin flavored beer, that’s what. Those of you have that have been keeping up and reading my blog for a year now know that I absolutely loath all things pumpkin spice. If you need a refresher click here: https://enfuego.blog/2019/09/30/pumpkin-spice-lets-have-a-discussion/

So it’s already in the stores. It snuck in early. Soon it will spread and there will be nothing for us to do but bide our time. The world will be consumed with this foul beast. The first day of fall is September 22^nd. Why in the name of f*** is this unholy abomination already starting to show up in stores!! It’s 109 outside right now!!! I was offended by what my eyes saw. Am I to soon see that Starbucks is selling this vomitus rubbish? It’s all their fault anyway. That damn pumpkin spiced latte I feel is the reason we are in this overwhelming mess. They befouled the world. If I was a better man I would have boycotted Starbucks long ago. It’s an almost unforgivable act.

I wonder what new items will be offered in pumpkin spice this year. Is it possible that something more atrocious than pumpkin spice SPAM will find itself on the shelf? I f***ing pray not! Humanity has sinned enough! This experiment we call life might just be wiped clear by the powers that be. It might be deemed an unforgivable offense & a time for a do-over. The sad fact that there is clearly a market for this loathsome detestable filth gives me questions about the state of humanity.

I guess I should also mention that it’s move-in week on campus. I’m apprehensive. I can’t help it. I’ve been on this campus everyday in some capacity since March when the students were sent home. It’s an experience seeing them back. I’m. It use to it. Where have they all been!!! Monday, they pretty much all had mask. By Friday, hahahahahaha. What mask? Who f***ing needs a mask. Fake news, am I right?

Where have the past 5 months gone? Time is fluid. Am I the only one that had trouble recounting the days which have basically been SSDD? Same s***, different day? Anyway, we had all this time to prepare for the students return and I’m not sure what we have done will matter much. And boy howdy, some people waited till the last min. First day of class is Monday and I feel like some people still don’t know what’s going on. That’s because no one is communicating and because it changes by the house. Yikes… Oof… Good times for sure.

Our summer break is over, friends. Let the s*** show begin.

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Jalapeño

Brunch. Eggs Benedict w/ prosciutto wrapped asparagus.

Bekah made her enchilada chicken. I couldn’t have asked for a better Monday meal. Very comfort food. Just what you need on a Monday night.

HEB stuffed salmon. The highlight of the meal was the broccoli cheese. I should have just had that.

Teriyaki steak. I mean, we all know what this taste like.

Well it was delivery. Had mom, nephew, sister-in-law with us. We ordered out. I wound up with a pizza.

Friday I finally got what I’ve been wanting, Spicy chicken and egg roll from Ban Moon. Soooooo damn good. I was in hog heaven.

Cocktail of the week: Black Crown & Coke.

The last 5 months have seen the un-becoming of the world which we knew. We try to navigate the new normal. What a world. But people want things back to how they once were. They wanted that too soon. And because of that, things are worse than they were before. Our country has become the idiots of the world. The world looks at us like we look at Florida. (Sorry uncle & aunt, if you are reading this blog. You are exceptions to the rule!).

The push to get the schools open. I get it. I work at one and I know in order to survive we have to do something. I just feel that it isn’t going to work. We have had 5 months to figure this out and all I think we have done is figure out how to cover our butts if it all turns south.

Move in week is next week. Classes begin on the 17th. Am I looking forward to this like I normally am? F*** NO!!!! I’m about as close to terrified as I can get. Not only about the chance of infection but by what extra f***ing duties that are expected of my crew. I understand that we are all in this together, but some people have pushed some serious work onto others. The logistics don’t work. It’s a mess.

Friday arrived and I had had enough. Total burnout. I was taking a half day. By 10 this morning I could have given a f*** about the job. I wasn’t having it. I was done. I could have cared less. This attitude is very unlike me. I do my part. I like to think I go beyond what is expected. I just couldn’t do it Friday. I had checked out. The combination of overwhelming anxiety and widespread stupidity broke me down & knocked me out. I was defeated.

So I gave the campus the bird & said see you Monday. I had a pow-wow w/ friends for lunch and then I went for a drive to relax. Hiked some. Became one with Mother Nature. Basically, got away from people for a few hours. It worked like magic. First real bit of vacation since we got this s*** rolling again. I wonder if it would be frowned upon to take the entire first week of classes off? The though excites me.

The only thing positive I can say about the university moving forward with reopening is that I enjoy having my friends back on campus to visit with in person. Apparently I’ve missed that. I also became friends with someone through text messages during the shutdown, Yvette. Before we had had only a handful of visits, but during the “toilet paper crisis” a group text was formed and for the past 5 months we have chatted. It has been nice to have in person conversation since becoming friends. It also gets me the heck out of my office. To sum up, although still in contact these past 5 months I’ve really missed seeing my campus friends. I really have. Maybe that’s a little of the old normal I can enjoy. At least, until we all get told to go home again. Until that happens we will all soldier on together. That’s all we can do.

Picture from my time in the wild.

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Jalapeño

Brunch was all Bekah. Sausage biscuits w/ gravy with scrambled eggs. I added jalapeño. It was more like a traditional breakfast than brunch.

Chicken fried chicken. Again, all Bekah. side mashed potato and asparagus.

Teriyaki salmon with broccoli cheese. The broccoli might have been my favorite part. I wasn’t feeling the salmon. I was supposed to have made a crockpot meal but I lost time and forgot.

Crock pot roast, ranch style beans & rotel. I threw onion and jalapeño. We made enough that we munched on it off and on until Friday. It was also good with eggs, Bekah discovered.

Seared tuna with seaweed salad, again.

Shrimp cocktail. Uh… can dinner be easier? Probably not. Perfect summer meal.

What was going to be Bekah burgers became whatever this is. Grilled jalapeño and onion. Pepper jack cheese and green sauce. Hit the spot.

Cocktail of the Week: Marla’s Drink.

Nothing to write about. Food.

Jalapeño

Sunday brunch. I felt inspired to make a green sauce to go along with the chorizo, bean egg tacos I was to make. Out of nowhere I made what might be the best green sauce yet. I added some lime juice. I don’t know if that was key. I wish I’d made more. The beans were key.

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Monday, queso burgers. Bunless. I was supposed to have the whole day off but was asked if I could possible come it. After that I wanted something easy to make. I added ghost peppers to mind since I could only find mild rotel at the grocery store. Weird what’s on the shelf and what’s not….

White wine garlic and herb chicken w/ sweet back potato and a salad. It was a hit. Bekah has a hard day and this seemed to have helped.

HEB armadillo eggs w/ street corn.

Grilled Italian chicken, mac & cheese, green beans w/ cheesecake for dessert. It was National Cheesecake Day and my dear mother made us one. Such a treat.

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Buffalo chicken with a cool ranch garden salad. Fall off the bone good.

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Cocktail of the Week: Johnnie Walker Black. It was Scotch Whiskey Day Monday so I needed to get my dads go-to brand. Delicious!!!

Well it seems my anxiety has returned. Happy happy f***ing joy joy. Had it ever really left? No. But it’s amped up. The uncertainty at work and the fact I feel like I’m putting myself in harms way every morning I go into the office. It’s finally getting to me. It feels like every couple of days I hear from someone that “someone” that has been inside my office has been sent home for “COVID” test. So far 5 of them tested positive. People I’ve interacted with. And those are only the ones I know of. 11 guys I have been around in some fashion have been sent home. What are we f***ing doing. It makes getting up in the morning a real blast. Also, I’ve been losing sleep. 3AM is a horrible horrible hour. Unless you are willingly up at that hour, hopefully having the night of your life, what other reason would you be awake? All alone with your thoughts and anxieties. Always in the darkest regions of the mind. I take something every night because of my insomnia and I’m still waking up. Believe me, it’s tempting to pop a pill and just to fall back down but I worry at that hour the effects will linger through the morning. I’d be sleepy either way. A real bummer.

I’m no stranger to anxiety. Most of my twenties were plagued by it. Before I found my dear friend Xanax, I was a mess. On the outside I might not look it, but inside was total chaos. I remember specifically one day sitting at my desk in my Advance Poetry class having an attack. Out of the blue. I remember the time. 10:27. I had no reason for it, but that’s how mine hit. Something from my subconscious was about to surface. I don’t know. I sat there. My pulse rate increased. My heart felt as if it were to beat out of my chest. I got hot. My lips felt tingly. My fingers felt numb. I was a caged animal and everyone sitting around me were the bars entrapping me. I had to get out. I had to. This feeling wasn’t unfamiliar. I had practice on how to overcome. Like I said, on the outside I was fine. You could look at me and probably have no clue. I was that conditioned. A hurricane was happing in my head, though. I looked in my backpack for a useful tool, gum. I had found that chewing gum helps. It gives me something to focus on. (If I didn’t have gum I’d chew on my pen. Gross, yes. But it was as efficient and you do what you gotta do.) Once I had the gum I excused myself from the class to the restroom where I proceeded to splash water in my face. The jolt of cold water almost always helped subdue whatever it was that had brought on the attack. I followed this by focusing on my breathing. Once I was in control of myself I returned to class. Not that class mattered. I was past the point of paying attention.

It got so crippling that I suffered a letter grade because I couldn’t give a speech. The thought of getting in front of people terrified me. I would rather get a D. That’s when I went to my doctor and asked for help. I was already taking things for insomnia & ADHD, why not just bother him again. He started me off on samples to let me see if they worked. Oh my lord did they ever. It was like I’d had a cocktail to take the edge off. Why had I waited so long? Why did I put myself through so much? I was able to do public speaking. Still terrified, but able to endure. The thing is, Xanax is a mood altering drug and it’s really pretty addictive. I mean you take something that makes you feel better mentally, you want to keep taking it. I sure did. I wound up taking too much. After years, a tolerance developed. What had began as a prescription of 30 a month became 90 a month. I wasn’t doing anything reckless, but I did have a few memory gaps. Functioning black outs. Moments that were blank. I decided I needed to wean myself off. It wasn’t the easiest thing. I probably wasn’t that fun to be around for a little while. I’d been taking it for 7 years. When I finally accomplished my goal I realized my anxiety wasn’t where it had been when I started taking the meds. And when I did have an attack, something within me made me more capable of dealing with it. I don’t know. Experience. It’s still riding with me, but not as bad. I know it’s kept me from doing a lot of things that I’d like to have done. Social events. Gatherings. Just talking to people. You work with what’s given to you. You find a means to get around things. That’s the way it is. Ah, life.

I still have my Xanax. No longer prescribed just never used. I still chew gum often. If you see me, you probably have noticed I have a gum addiction. It became my most useful coping tool. Until this week, the only time I’d take a pill was before air travel. This week I broke down and took one. Work. I’m not making a habit of it, but I needed something. The morning without and the afternoon with were night & day. Just that one day I had to try something. That feeling in the classroom returned. The b**** had been away for a long time and I wasn’t mentally equipped for her. I needed help. When you have a tool you use it.

I didn’t really plan on such a rant. This is a weird time, to say the least. Its exhausting. I come home tired. I wake up tired. I’m sure MANY of us are anxious. Possibly depressed. Who knows what’s happening next. We live day to day. I just want you all to know that whatever you might be going through, wherever you are, you are not alone. Never alone. If you feel that you are know that myself and others are out there with you. We got this! It’s not called “living in fear”. It’s called having a brain. Having Instincts. Being concerned about your family, friends & fellow neighbors. Your fellow Homo sapiens. It’s called having a heart.

Picture of things to make you smile.

Jalapeño

Brisket tater tot hash w/ beans and the works. Such a good experiment.

Teriyaki chicken fried rice done on the grill again.

Skillet king ranch chicken. This is about as easy as it get. Rotel, cream of chicken. Nothing to it.

Bekah made dinner. Stacked chicken cheese enchiladas. I said keep stacking. I think we reached 6. MY GOD this was a good meal. The egg. Why doesn’t she cook more often. I was in heaven. I thought I had a baby in my belly I was so full. Happy camper.

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Zucchini Pizza Bites. I have loads of zucchini. I got this from a friend on Facebook. It was a very simple delightful meal. Finger food.

Teriyaki chicken w/ ginger soy sugar snap peas.

Cocktail of the Week: I’ve had many cocktails….. but this beer stands out.