Something I saw in the store today left me flabbergasted. It also left me mildly annoyed and a little nauseous. Can you take a guess what that might have been? It was f***ing pumpkin flavored beer, that’s what. Those of you have that have been keeping up and reading my blog for a year now know that I absolutely loath all things pumpkin spice. If you need a refresher click here: https://enfuego.blog/2019/09/30/pumpkin-spice-lets-have-a-discussion/
So it’s already in the stores. It snuck in early. Soon it will spread and there will be nothing for us to do but bide our time. The world will be consumed with this foul beast. The first day of fall is September 22nd. Why in the name of f*** is this unholy abomination already starting to show up in stores!! It’s 109 outside right now!!! I was offended by what my eyes saw. Am I to soon see that Starbucks is selling this vomitus rubbish? It’s all their fault anyway. That damn pumpkin spiced latte I feel is the reason we are in this overwhelming mess. They befouled the world. If I was a better man I would have boycotted Starbucks long ago. It’s an almost unforgivable act.
I wonder what new items will be offered in pumpkin spice this year. Is it possible that something more atrocious than pumpkin spice SPAM will find itself on the shelf? I f***ing pray not! Humanity has sinned enough! This experiment we call life might just be wiped clear by the powers that be. It might be deemed an unforgivable offense & a time for a do-over. The sad fact that there is clearly a market for this loathsome detestable filth gives me questions about the state of humanity.
I guess I should also mention that it’s move-in week on campus. I’m apprehensive. I can’t help it. I’ve been on this campus everyday in some capacity since March when the students were sent home. It’s an experience seeing them back. I’m. It use to it. Where have they all been!!! Monday, they pretty much all had mask. By Friday, hahahahahaha. What mask? Who f***ing needs a mask. Fake news, am I right?
Where have the past 5 months gone? Time is fluid. Am I the only one that had trouble recounting the days which have basically been SSDD? Same s***, different day? Anyway, we had all this time to prepare for the students return and I’m not sure what we have done will matter much. And boy howdy, some people waited till the last min. First day of class is Monday and I feel like some people still don’t know what’s going on. That’s because no one is communicating and because it changes by the house. Yikes… Oof… Good times for sure.
Our summer break is over, friends. Let the s*** show begin.
The last 5 months have seen the un-becoming of the world which we knew. We try to navigate the new normal. What a world. But people want things back to how they once were. They wanted that too soon. And because of that, things are worse than they were before. Our country has become the idiots of the world. The world looks at us like we look at Florida. (Sorry uncle & aunt, if you are reading this blog. You are exceptions to the rule!).
The push to get the schools open. I get it. I work at one and I know in order to survive we have to do something. I just feel that it isn’t going to work. We have had 5 months to figure this out and all I think we have done is figure out how to cover our butts if it all turns south.
Move in week is next week. Classes begin on the 17th. Am I looking forward to this like I normally am? F*** NO!!!! I’m about as close to terrified as I can get. Not only about the chance of infection but by what extra f***ing duties that are expected of my crew. I understand that we are all in this together, but some people have pushed some serious work onto others. The logistics don’t work. It’s a mess.
Friday arrived and I had had enough. Total burnout. I was taking a half day. By 10 this morning I could have given a f*** about the job. I wasn’t having it. I was done. I could have cared less. This attitude is very unlike me. I do my part. I like to think I go beyond what is expected. I just couldn’t do it Friday. I had checked out. The combination of overwhelming anxiety and widespread stupidity broke me down & knocked me out. I was defeated.
So I gave the campus the bird & said see you Monday. I had a pow-wow w/ friends for lunch and then I went for a drive to relax. Hiked some. Became one with Mother Nature. Basically, got away from people for a few hours. It worked like magic. First real bit of vacation since we got this s*** rolling again. I wonder if it would be frowned upon to take the entire first week of classes off? The though excites me.
The only thing positive I can say about the university moving forward with reopening is that I enjoy having my friends back on campus to visit with in person. Apparently I’ve missed that. I also became friends with someone through text messages during the shutdown, Yvette. Before we had had only a handful of visits, but during the “toilet paper crisis” a group text was formed and for the past 5 months we have chatted. It has been nice to have in person conversation since becoming friends. It also gets me the heck out of my office. To sum up, although still in contact these past 5 months I’ve really missed seeing my campus friends. I really have. Maybe that’s a little of the old normal I can enjoy. At least, until we all get told to go home again. Until that happens we will all soldier on together. That’s all we can do.
Picture from my time in the wild.
Jalapeño
Brunch was all Bekah. Sausage biscuits w/ gravy with scrambled eggs. I added jalapeño. It was more like a traditional breakfast than brunch.
Chicken fried chicken. Again, all Bekah. side mashed potato and asparagus.
Teriyaki salmon with broccoli cheese. The broccoli might have been my favorite part. I wasn’t feeling the salmon. I was supposed to have made a crockpot meal but I lost time and forgot.
Crock pot roast, ranch style beans & rotel. I threw onion and jalapeño. We made enough that we munched on it off and on until Friday. It was also good with eggs, Bekah discovered.
Seared tuna with seaweed salad, again.
Shrimp cocktail. Uh… can dinner be easier? Probably not. Perfect summer meal.
What was going to be Bekah burgers became whatever this is. Grilled jalapeño and onion. Pepper jack cheese and green sauce. Hit the spot.
Sunday brunch. I felt inspired to make a green sauce to go along with the chorizo, bean egg tacos I was to make. Out of nowhere I made what might be the best green sauce yet. I added some lime juice. I don’t know if that was key. I wish I’d made more. The beans were key.
Monday, queso burgers. Bunless. I was supposed to have the whole day off but was asked if I could possible come it. After that I wanted something easy to make. I added ghost peppers to mind since I could only find mild rotel at the grocery store. Weird what’s on the shelf and what’s not….
White wine garlic and herb chicken w/ sweet back potato and a salad. It was a hit. Bekah has a hard day and this seemed to have helped.
HEB armadillo eggs w/ street corn.
Grilled Italian chicken, mac & cheese, green beans w/ cheesecake for dessert. It was National Cheesecake Day and my dear mother made us one. Such a treat.
Buffalo chicken with a cool ranch garden salad. Fall off the bone good.
Cocktail of the Week: Johnnie Walker Black. It was Scotch Whiskey Day Monday so I needed to get my dads go-to brand. Delicious!!!
Well it seems my anxiety has returned. Happy happy f***ing joy joy. Had it ever really left? No. But it’s amped up. The uncertainty at work and the fact I feel like I’m putting myself in harms way every morning I go into the office. It’s finally getting to me. It feels like every couple of days I hear from someone that “someone” that has been inside my office has been sent home for “COVID” test. So far 5 of them tested positive. People I’ve interacted with. And those are only the ones I know of. 11 guys I have been around in some fashion have been sent home. What are we f***ing doing. It makes getting up in the morning a real blast. Also, I’ve been losing sleep. 3AM is a horrible horrible hour. Unless you are willingly up at that hour, hopefully having the night of your life, what other reason would you be awake? All alone with your thoughts and anxieties. Always in the darkest regions of the mind. I take something every night because of my insomnia and I’m still waking up. Believe me, it’s tempting to pop a pill and just to fall back down but I worry at that hour the effects will linger through the morning. I’d be sleepy either way. A real bummer.
I’m no stranger to anxiety. Most of my twenties were plagued by it. Before I found my dear friend Xanax, I was a mess. On the outside I might not look it, but inside was total chaos. I remember specifically one day sitting at my desk in my Advance Poetry class having an attack. Out of the blue. I remember the time. 10:27. I had no reason for it, but that’s how mine hit. Something from my subconscious was about to surface. I don’t know. I sat there. My pulse rate increased. My heart felt as if it were to beat out of my chest. I got hot. My lips felt tingly. My fingers felt numb. I was a caged animal and everyone sitting around me were the bars entrapping me. I had to get out. I had to. This feeling wasn’t unfamiliar. I had practice on how to overcome. Like I said, on the outside I was fine. You could look at me and probably have no clue. I was that conditioned. A hurricane was happing in my head, though. I looked in my backpack for a useful tool, gum. I had found that chewing gum helps. It gives me something to focus on. (If I didn’t have gum I’d chew on my pen. Gross, yes. But it was as efficient and you do what you gotta do.) Once I had the gum I excused myself from the class to the restroom where I proceeded to splash water in my face. The jolt of cold water almost always helped subdue whatever it was that had brought on the attack. I followed this by focusing on my breathing. Once I was in control of myself I returned to class. Not that class mattered. I was past the point of paying attention.
It got so crippling that I suffered a letter grade because I couldn’t give a speech. The thought of getting in front of people terrified me. I would rather get a D. That’s when I went to my doctor and asked for help. I was already taking things for insomnia & ADHD, why not just bother him again. He started me off on samples to let me see if they worked. Oh my lord did they ever. It was like I’d had a cocktail to take the edge off. Why had I waited so long? Why did I put myself through so much? I was able to do public speaking. Still terrified, but able to endure. The thing is, Xanax is a mood altering drug and it’s really pretty addictive. I mean you take something that makes you feel better mentally, you want to keep taking it. I sure did. I wound up taking too much. After years, a tolerance developed. What had began as a prescription of 30 a month became 90 a month. I wasn’t doing anything reckless, but I did have a few memory gaps. Functioning black outs. Moments that were blank. I decided I needed to wean myself off. It wasn’t the easiest thing. I probably wasn’t that fun to be around for a little while. I’d been taking it for 7 years. When I finally accomplished my goal I realized my anxiety wasn’t where it had been when I started taking the meds. And when I did have an attack, something within me made me more capable of dealing with it. I don’t know. Experience. It’s still riding with me, but not as bad. I know it’s kept me from doing a lot of things that I’d like to have done. Social events. Gatherings. Just talking to people. You work with what’s given to you. You find a means to get around things. That’s the way it is. Ah, life.
I still have my Xanax. No longer prescribed just never used. I still chew gum often. If you see me, you probably have noticed I have a gum addiction. It became my most useful coping tool. Until this week, the only time I’d take a pill was before air travel. This week I broke down and took one. Work. I’m not making a habit of it, but I needed something. The morning without and the afternoon with were night & day. Just that one day I had to try something. That feeling in the classroom returned. The b**** had been away for a long time and I wasn’t mentally equipped for her. I needed help. When you have a tool you use it.
I didn’t really plan on such a rant. This is a weird time, to say the least. Its exhausting. I come home tired. I wake up tired. I’m sure MANY of us are anxious. Possibly depressed. Who knows what’s happening next. We live day to day. I just want you all to know that whatever you might be going through, wherever you are, you are not alone. Never alone. If you feel that you are know that myself and others are out there with you. We got this! It’s not called “living in fear”. It’s called having a brain. Having Instincts. Being concerned about your family, friends & fellow neighbors. Your fellow Homo sapiens. It’s called having a heart.
Picture of things to make you smile.
Dogs In Trees. ArtThe Sunrise In Gods CountryPot Of GoldSad Partings. The Excitement. Forever Longing The Golden SunsetA Morning To RememberNo FilterLonesome Highway Blues. MammatusAnd Then There Was RainAlpine In My Heart
Jalapeño
Brisket tater tot hash w/ beans and the works. Such a good experiment.
Teriyaki chicken fried rice done on the grill again.
Skillet king ranch chicken. This is about as easy as it get. Rotel, cream of chicken. Nothing to it.
Bekah made dinner. Stacked chicken cheese enchiladas. I said keep stacking. I think we reached 6. MY GOD this was a good meal. The egg. Why doesn’t she cook more often. I was in heaven. I thought I had a baby in my belly I was so full. Happy camper.
Zucchini Pizza Bites. I have loads of zucchini. I got this from a friend on Facebook. It was a very simple delightful meal. Finger food.
Teriyaki chicken w/ ginger soy sugar snap peas.
Cocktail of the Week: I’ve had many cocktails….. but this beer stands out.
Omelette w/ arugula salad. I don’t know why I have not done this for brunch yet. I mixed the eggs with heavy cream. The fillings consist of ham, onion, jalapeño, sharp cheddar & mushrooms. I sautéed the mushrooms w/ butter & Pinot Grigio. The salad was tossed in a red wine vinaigrette. Very balanced plate.
Bunless ghost pepper burgers. It burned and boy howdy it was a delight.
Creamy garlic butter Tuscan shrimp. This was something new and a real treat.
Ground beef Zachos. This batch might be the best I’ve made this year.
As we set to open all this back up again and get this campus rolling, I bare witness to some of the most irrational though process. With COVID numbers at an all time high and hospitals reaching capacity, we are gung-ho on turning this machine on again. What my eyes have witnessed, no one has a damn clue how it’s even going to work.
I was sitting in my office the other day listening to someone say that he believe COVID will “disappear” when and if Biden is elected president. I marveled at the stupidity of what I was hearing. For one, I don’t think our government is competent enough to pull off something world wide. Let’s face it, both sides of the spectrum, it’s amazing they are potty trained. So to hear this… I kept my mouth shut behind my mask. My eyes said something, if anyone was looking. I wondered to myself, how many people think like this? How can they? Why would they? The lost loved ones. How insensitive can one be? This guy also wants the bars open again. Now, I feel for the bar employees. Concert venues. Artist. It’s a drag. It’s crushing. I wish a solution was…. available. Its just not. This guy… so passionate about this all being, as Leroy so enthusiastically says, “bulls***”. So I was happy when a friend called and I was able to “get the f*** out” of the office. I was mentally dialing 911 and she picked up.
Bekah in quarantine is something. Our internet apparently sucks. I knew this from my own time at home. It really limits what you can do when it drops off and on. I think she is having a hell of a time adjusting. Week 1 wasn’t the easiest for me either. I hope her test results come back AOK and she can get back to the job. Marketing isn’t easy at nursing homes right now, and being stuck at home makes it worse. Plus, lunch was my meditation time, the only time I had to myself during the day, and now that’s gone. Haha. I do love seeing here though. It’s just been so long since I’ve had weekday lunch with anyone but my dogs and cats. A long time meaning years.
I should re-title this “Grumpy Blog pt 2”. I’m really not, though. More like I’m deflated. I’m anxious about the uncertainty. It’s hot. I hate the heat. And stupid people give me a headache. And they drive me to drink. I worry this will be the remainder of my summer. Possible year??? Probability is high. The only thing I’m looking forward to right now is cooler weather and that’s a long long long long long LONG time away. What a bummer. What a bummer.
Jalapeño
Sunday brunch was pulled pork hash with a poached egg and hollandaise sauce.
Bacon wrapped BBQ chicken thigh with so grilled okra.
Italian pork tenderloin w/ brussel sprouts.
Grilled sweet & sour chicken w/ broccoli.
I’ve realized I’ve never made this meal. It’s all Bekah. Red enchilada chicken. It’s easy and it’s good. I’m always happy to have it and have a break from cooking.
So we are getting those summer storms that I always love. That remind me of being a little bow feeding of my fathers excitement whenever a storm was in the forecast. It’s almost a reward after a long day at work where the people are idiots and the days is 100 degrees. It puts me in a good mood. It’s the little things, am I right? Bekah and I ate dinner late, didn’t watch TV, and had cocktails. The weather was our show. Mine, more so than hers. The geek in me was ecstatic.
I still don’t understand the no brains operation at work. I come home with headaches. Non COVID related. The stores are also sunning low on supplies. TP is scarce again. People, please!! It’s like we have gone full circle and are right back to where we started in March. But worse!!! The amount of people sick now. It’s been finally mandated that everyone must wear mask. Why did we wait so long. This has been a year, hasn’t it?
My family insisted on getting together for the 4th. I’m completely against the idea of travel right now but they were responsible and got tested. If they hadn’t we wouldn’t have been able to see them. It was nice. I finally got to meet baby Patrick, my 6 month old nephew. He is adorable. And Teddy, the 4 years old has grown so much. He is a hoot!!! Smart kid. We played lightsabers, hide and seek. We shared a snack because he was hungry and he told me to not tell his mom about it. Secrets safe with me. Lots of good fun. Since the fireworks were canceled I went and bought some sparklers for him to enjoy. Well, if I’m honest here, I also bought them for myself to enjoy. Teddy was at first afraid to hold his own sparkler but eventually he could get enough. I saw a few fireworks people launched from the lake. I guess that will do. I heard people launching well past 1AM. Why was I up so late? FaceTime with Slovak. She has a new puppy!!! It was also a full moon and some sort of lunar eclipse naked to the human eye. I got out the telescope and damn near blinded myself. It was beautiful.
I can’t take credit for this.
Jalapeño
I’m going to include Sunday brunch since I didn’t have weekend blog and it really is the start of the week. Bekah made pancake tacos. All ingredients are items you typically see on an American breakfast plate so why not just put them all together. I topped it of with maple syrup and Tabasco sauce. Delish.
More giant zucchini, more Zachos. I only ever get to eat this this time of year when I’m getting giant ones. Stores just don’t have big enough, they reduce so much. For reasons unknown, this batch turned out to be my best yet. Not sure what I did differently. Julios seasoning, maybe? Whatever it was, the couch was perfect.
Pot roast on another long day. Bekah got home late and said it was the comfort meal she needed. Just about perfect.
Udon noodles w/ steak and veggies. A first and pretty good.
Pulled pork & street corn. Perfect summertime meal. Throw some BBQ sauce and jalapeño. Talk about leftovers.
Look familiar? We had this last week. Mac, green beans and grilled chicken & jalapeño. Simple comfort food.
Work is f***ing stupid right now. I might as well be wallowing in a cesspool. Exposure to positive COVID is a real possibility. I’ll probably be docked some points on my upcoming performance review because I quickly “get-the-f***-out” whenever too many people enter the office. I could care less. The numbers are rising. These motherf***er’s don’t social distance or wear mask. I have taken it upon myself to be the permanent buyer for the campus. No one has said anything. It gets me out of that office. I might feel better if people actually somewhat pretended that they gave a s*** about any of this. Given a mask every morning yet they choose not to wear. Wasteful f***s.
Summer is officially f***ing here. Yay Summer Solstice!!! Not!!! My least favorite time of year, and I’m a summer child. What kind of person gets excited for temps that reach 108? The type of person that likes pulling hangnails and waxing, that’s who. It’s miserable. To add to my negative disposition is that rain has been in sight and somehow manages to fizzle out every… damn… day.
I think it’s safe to say we have all had a few trialing months. This year was cool until mid-March. I was enjoying those first 2 months. Boy oh boy did it take a turn for the worse. Civil unrest during a pandemic? I’m worried for the outcome. I understand the need for it, but I still fret where it will lead us during these time. I’ve lost my patience with people not taking things seriously. I’ve lost my patience with ignorance.
Stupid people drive me to drink, and I’ve been around a lot of them. People traveling when we have more positive cases than ever before. Seems like a good idea, right? Going out and having a blast like all is normal. You know, I’d love to vacation right now, but I’m not out of a desire to be responsible. Now isn’t the time. Only 3 months and everyone looses their s***. On a normal day these are probably the people that bitch about having to leave their house for work.
Monday was a Monday from hell. By noon I was tempted to have a drink with my lunch. I didn’t, but man did it sound alluring. That 108 temp I was talking about? It hit Monday. No sense in wasting you time with the mundane details, we have all had sufferable Monday’s. That evening a prayer was answered and we got a “torrential” downpour. Temps rapidly dropped to the 70’s and rained. We had a light show. The thunder was rolling. It was much needed. Not just for our lands sake, but for my own fabric. I absorbed the moment and felt refreshed. A mood reverser.
The rest of the week I did hardly a thing. I feel it about pointless for us to be full staffed. I mean, how productive can one be if they are able to average 4-5 miles of walking in the 8 hours at the office? Friday couldn’t have arrived any sooner. I’m curious what the weekend has in store for me.
Deep breaths. Okay, I’m better. I needed that.
Jalapeño
Texas Philly Cheesesteak Sloppy Joes. I was inspired by some campus friends to try this after watching a video that they made. It was sooooo tasty. Thinly sliced sirloin, red & green bell peppers, onion. Spices and velveta cheese. So simple and so good.
Green enchilada chicken. Bekah’s treat. I topped it with a poached egg. Always a favorite. I love myself some green sauce.
Seared tuna tacos. I wish I hadn’t used mango pico. I just don’t like mango. Everything else was great.
Chimichurri chicken. I pickled some red onions weeks ago and they turned out to be a perfect side along with some broccolini. It’s been a long time since we’ve made this meal. It was once a regular.
Some Italian squash ground beef mix. I don’t know. It was good.
I didn’t do anything this weekend. Played with my new griddle. Went and looked at the lilies. Had a nightmare trip to HEB. Watched the same movie two nights in a row. Cried a little because of said movie. The Road. Not sure why I subjected myself to that twice when once in a lifetime is probably enough. Watched my state increase in positives. Listened to Bekah say she doesn’t think I should be at work, being that I’m at risk. I dreamed of a vacation far away from the world. I was on a planet with purple skies and the trees had blue leaves. The water was red, but not blood red. The air was fresh and relatively mild. Green thunderstorms brewed in the distance. I was on a balcony overlooking the scene while Bekah was asking me what was for dinner. Cat woke me up and I wanted to return to that place. We were having fun. A vacation is in store whenever we can do it.
I have a Finch family. Fingers crossed.
For lunch on Saturday I thought it time to try something I’ve never been capable of cooking until now due to my birthday griddle accessory. Cheddar blanket burgers. Place a cup of shredded cheddar on top of a patty and it become a bark. It molds with the bun. I can’t tell you how good this thing was. Far superior to the one we order in town. I think I used higher quality cheese. This meal was sinful. I felt dirty. I wanted more…
I suppose I read some until it was time to make dinner. we were not hungry but I wanted to cook again just for pops. Why not make chicken fajitas!! Easy. Fun. Good. That’s what we did.
Sunday brunch. Sister-in-law finally was able to have brunch with us. We made Machacado street tacos with bean and cheese. A meal we had meant to make weeks, maybe months ago. The brisket I had frozen from a cook out long forgotten. It was a great meal.
More burgers. I hate to waste buns. Just the basic tonight. Nothing curious.
En Fuego 