Some people are hard to put together. Figuring them out… motives.
F***ing pumpkin spice. Bulls***!
Our tiny little town finally received its much needed rain. A collective sigh of relief. Not only the rain, it was nice and cool. You have to understand it had been month since good rain and the temps had been over 100 degrees. Everyone was in a better mood.
Friday. It was a really busy nice week. I didn’t have much time to work on this blog. Someone got a nice purse. I got drenched and killed a golf car. Almost ran down by a crazy driver. Friday I took a walk in the rain. Wonderful funny day.
Jalapeño.
Sesame chicken.
BBQ pulled chicken, fried okra and corn.
Chorizo omelet.
Chorizo bunless burger.
Chorizo egg tacos.
Chili for the first time of the year. If was a cool cloudy day.
The first day of the fall semester. WTF happened to the summer. Where did it go. I had some really high and low moments. I have one friend that really made a positive impact on the months. I hope she realizes my appreciation. It was a f***ing weird summer for me. I was maybe “manic depressive”. I had ups and downs. I was happy to be divorced but at the same time it was a gut punch. Some days I felt a little crippled. I took a lot of time off. In the previous blog, I ate like I didn’t have type 1 diabetes. I’m glad the kids are back. Thank god for friends. Even when they are f***ing turds. I have fun with her and fun is all that matters right now. Drum roll.
It’s really hard to believe Summer has passed and the fall semester in a go. It so weird getting used to the extra traffic on campus. It takes a bit, but it’s fun. The future all over the place. Hope they learn what they need in life. We did get some appreciation from Admissions.
We didn’t get the rain that was promised. Sad fact.
Friday finally arrived. It was National dog da and toilet paper day. Reason to celebrate. What a week.
Jalapeño
Teriyaki chicken with snap peas.
Burger salad.
Ground beef avocado burritos with chili verde sauce.
Saturday was one of the best I’d had in a while. I was nervous for some reasons. I had a happy hour date (a date!!) with a friend. It wasn’t the first time. It was the 4th. I suppose this time might have been more me pestering and she agreed finally. Again!! I had pissed her off. When she said yes I was taken aback. I was nervous. Butterflies.
We laughed our t a**es off. Seems to always be the case. It’s great to have fun with someone. It really made my weekend and I needed it. I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s been so long. She is fun. How many people can you say that about? Can you say that about many?
Sunday was the unusual mother son lunch date. Always a fun time. The divorce really brought my mother and me closer. I’d go a week or longer without seeing her where now it’s almost everyday.
The week was busy busy. That’s all I have to say about the week.
Jalapeño.
Bow tie pasta salad w/ corn, peas, carrots, tomato, jalapeño, ranch, salsa, cheese, spinach & grilled chicken. Heaven on a hot summer day.
So I’ve been eating well I guess. I don’t have much to say about the past 2 weeks. I took some time. I had some mental stress. You all know how it is. I can’t say that I didn’t have a good time through it. I have to pull my head out my a**. Can’t let bulls*** bother me. My mind is an ocean and my memories are waves. So this is basically food I ate and some picture I took on the side.
It you can’t be heard you can’t be seen.
Btw, Friday was great. Had fun and busted my a**. Busy and happy. Someone brought me some tea when I needed it. Joy. Happy Friday!
The long weekend to celebrate our Independence Day. Woot woot!!! I had no plans. I had the most amazing chicken fried steak with my dumbass friend Yeti. Good god was it amazing. That corn….I can’t stress enough how amazing the meat was, and how dumb my friend is.
I followed that with a visit to my mothers and I was asked to have a drink. By Bekah. It was fun. Saw a few old friends. Things got a little emotional. Messy. Not on my end. She cried. Maybe we need to pause on having drinks. I laughed which made matters worse I’m sure. Unintentional a**hole. I just didn’t think her coming over to see the dogs was a good idea. Too soon. The only mistake I made on Saturday was eating Taco Bell. Good grief, when will I learn. Never.
Sunday I stuck to tradition and went to lunch with my mother. I’m so glad we started this every Sunday. I cherish it. Since the divorce I have had so much more time with my mother. I love it. She is the best.
Life is yours.
The 4th of f***ing July!! I really didn’t want to do anything. That didn’t happen. I tried to wash my car. I brought sparkler and 4th glow neckless to my tea hookup. I wasn’t expecting free tea. I went and had lunch with a friend that’s going to leave forever in a month. I saw my mother. I went and looked at boobs. Kidding, sort of. Not kidding. That happened. America!!!
I just wanted to watch Stranger Things 4. I was invited to a BBQ party. I love the people but I just didn’t have it in me. Mellow is the day for me. I’m playing hermit. Trifecta of weenies.
I can feel the heat of the summer in my veins.
Tuesday was nice a mellow. I made two pizzas. One for Yvette and family and one for myself. She got pineapple. . Gave her extra hell for fibbing. Got a cake for someone despite lies. That backfire blog was a joke on me. They played me. Haha. It was a nice day off.
So that’s my weekend blog. I had a mellow One. Yay!!!
So I pranked the Dean of College of Education. Oops. Little history. Three years ago I joked with Yvette about putting a toy snake into her inner office mail box. She is frightened of snakes. She might have said she would castrate me if I was to do this. Idle threat? Who knows. Best to No find out. Years passed and I had forgotten about the prank. Until one day I find a toy snake. The idea once again presents itself. I thought about it and couldn’t resist. Heart attacks. Peeing oneself. Screaming. Fainting and hitting head. Castration be damned, I was going to do it.
Monday rolled around and I placed the snake in the mail box around 9am before she made her mail run. I didn’t hear anything. That afternoon the snake was still untouched. I decided maybe she just glanced into the room and didn’t see a folder sticking out. I put a folder in and made sure it was noticeable from the doorway. Tuesday came and passed. Wednesday, nothing. Snake untouched. WTH!!! She slacking on the job? Thursday morning arrives and I get a bomb notice. The Dean wants to know what the hell!! I scared the shit out of her. Oh boy….
I was told it might be best to not show my face for a couple days. The Dean wasn’t happy with me. I was going to get an ear full. I decided to listen. I stayed away for a day. I knew I had to apologize and offer some peace treaty. I originally planned on waiting till after the holiday weekend but I really didn’t want that looming over my shoulders so I took a dive and went to the office. She wasn’t yet there so I chatted with Yvette and dropped off some leftovers. The Dean approached down the hall and she had knives for eyes when she say me. I was in trouble. I said “I was soooooo sorry”. She shook her head and winked at me. I was like, okay. She walks into the office and says “I’m in big trouble. Do I have any snakes on my person right now?” No. At this point I realize we are putting on a show for Yvette. So I play along and apologize and offer treats. She says Yvette deserves something out of this for being in the middle. I offer a full tank of gas. Everyone laughs and it’s over. Apology accepted on one condition. Red velvet cake. Done deal. The Dean is a much more fun person than I had thought. I think the snake made me a new acquaintance. Funny how things work out. Prank backfired abut worked out for the best. Highlight of my week.
Jalapeño
Steak, asparagus and potatoes.
Lemon asparagus chicken stir fry.
Salmon Patty w/ green beans.
More salmon. Stuffed with crab, covered in sriracha and served with broccoli cheese.
The heat is one. Summer solstice has officially arrived. Not that it wasn’t already f***ing hot but now we can blame it on summertime. If you are a long time reader you know that I hate summer. We are also in a drought making matters worse. No rain and 100+ is bad for everything. Even the tarantula are thirsty. They have been invading out office looking for water, I assume.
I watched a most disturbing film Wednesday. Crime of the Future written & directed by David Cronenberg. Surgery is the new sex. Lots of body mutilation and organ transplants. Pain is all but gone. Evolution is developing new organs that can cope with our never ending pollution of the planet. It was dark. It was disturbing. Visually grotesque & stunning. Certainly not for everyone.
Done.
Jalapeño
Burger salad.
Spicy sesame chicken over sushi rice.
Wonton tuna tacos with a guacamole mousse, seaweed, and a Serrano simple syrup for a sauce.
Ahi seaweed poke w/ kimchi.
Teriyaki steak with mushroom, asparagus and jalapeño.
After a very rewarding weekend with family and all that stress/anxiety behind me I came into this week like a new man. I can’t overstate how much better I feel. Monday was so strange. Out of the blue a friend I have not seen in at least 20 years sends me a message. I didn’t immediately reply. He sent another and I still did not reply. Third message: “Would you date my sister?” What!!! It turns out she got divorced this year as well. This is someone that I’ve had a crush on for at least 30 years! Wild! I think someone might have been playing matchmaker. Hmmmm. What a deal. I’m single. If something happens, it happens. Right now she is in California. There is someone I am having fun with that lives a little closer right now, but who can say.
Found Yvette a bike! 😂
I got late birthday presents from the campus. It was sweet. The little things mean more than the big. For instance: cards, tea and cheese. I love it. I’m 41. After 40 you shouldn’t expect a thing. I feel very grateful for them all.
It’s amazing what a week can do. I feel more like myself than I have in about a year. It was a REALLY good week. Lots of work and productivity. Had leftovers, which friends received. I was on a pasta hook. Bought some tea for another friend. I think I’m hooked on that s***. Unsweet coconut. Laughed so hard my face would hurt. Been early to work everyday. I’ve been 5 after 8 for a long time.
I’ve also found a motivation to cook new things again or at the very least cook what I haven’t in a long d*** time. I made a dish for Janine. Her words: “If you ever need a sugar mamma, invite her over for dinner. Your ex wife was a fool.” Is it that easy?
It was a nice busy week. Spent very little time in the office. I’m afraid of this next expense report. The plus side it’s Friday and it felt like Wednesday. The week booked it. I had fun. It was a good week and I needed it. No complaints. I have heard a few, but I have none. Well, maybe I do. My favorite jeans ripped out at the crotch. Can’t wear them anymore. Haha. Cheers!!
I still remember my wedding vows and the first kiss. I meant them and that was a special moment in my life. Always will be.
If you can’t be honest in your own blog where can you. I feel the weights of mountains lifted off my back after the divorce, but I’m also very lonely. It’s been a hard year. My friends have meant so much to me. I have many of them I do not see at work. Very few, actually. It’s work and than I spend the rest of my days at home or with my mother.
I go to the bar for company. But that’s not what I want to be doing. But I get lonely and end up there some evenings. Loneliness is a b****. I’m just happy so much anxiety has lifted. I wonder what’s next in life for me?
You can ask that question a million times and the answer will not show itself. The great wide open doesn’t make life that simple for us. No. We trial. We are flogged. We should have avoided that forbidden fruit. I think lessons are all around us. Be it enjoying a bird song. If we want to have a healthy life on this planet it’s all in our perception of our surroundings.
I think, and this might be just early discovery thinking, most humans shouldn’t expect to be in a lasting relationship. For those that have, I am proud of you. Amazing feat. Truly. Most people don’t like themselves so how can they be expected to hold that towards someone else. Men licensed that on women out of jealousy and they used religion. D*** move. .
I wrote this next section months ago. I’m going to post it to get it off my chest. Disclaimer, I’m better.
“This blog is my vent that I don’t speak to others. It’s a weird thing to hear your estranged wife is f***ing a person. Now soon to be ex. It made me feel better about my life. So much better. Cleared my mind. Hope her world is rocked. It made me sick. And DONE. I figured it was happening and I heard the rumors. I have heard a lot. I don’t care. I mean, it’s a relief. Now I don’t have to care. She started it. She gave up on me. Life is strange. I guess I can say I wasn’t the cheater. Since I never did but people seem to view that the case because of her mouth. One thing: getting a divorce is a great character study. You finally see someone for who they are. Not the person you loved. I miss the “version” of my wife that I married. The “version” I know now would never have been excepted into this family. She is cold, cruel and unhealthy. The past has a perfection the future can never hold.(Since adapted. Positive vibes.)
Then you have other people. That are lonely. That seek attention, because they are lonely. They pull “love”away from you. They don’t like themselves and they don’t like to see other people happier than them. They don’t like to share. They only like themselves. It’s hard to share with that person. But they have a good soul. It’s in the eyes. We all have our breaking point. When it “snaps” it just means you pull yourself up and out again. I trust they can do it. When it happens just deal with it your own way. Being miserable doesn’t have to be a team effort. Look for positivity. Overcome.
I’ve come to the conclusion that monogamy is a joke. It is unrealistic. We always try. We don’t want failure. You love someone. It doesn’t mean you will be compatible all your life. But you try and it’s a joke. BUT… maybe it isn’t. You just have not met the right person. You held on to hope. I believe in the world. Holding onto hope. I contradict myself.”
Maybe I’ll find someone. A lot of it was on me. Blind fool. 50/50. Just work. I also don’t blame her for all her crap. Both our hearts were dying fast and we didn’t know what to do. I’ll always forgive.
My life has been empty. I’m lonely. It’s no damn joke. Dead eyes. Vacant as the sea. I just need my friends right now. I’m happy but it’s been a lonely fucking year. I love you all. I hope you are all not just like me. By star light.
These are the soul lifters.
I truly love my family and my friends. I would count myself lucky. Had a great week and weekend. Had the little boys. We went to the museum. They had a damn blast. such young energy. They are a handful at restaurants.
Jalapeño.
Spivey chicken thigh, onion/jalapeño, grilled lime, avocado and tomato. Delish.
En Fuego 