The long weekend to celebrate our Independence Day. Woot woot!!! I had no plans. I had the most amazing chicken fried steak with my dumbass friend Yeti. Good god was it amazing. That corn….I can’t stress enough how amazing the meat was, and how dumb my friend is.
I followed that with a visit to my mothers and I was asked to have a drink. By Bekah. It was fun. Saw a few old friends. Things got a little emotional. Messy. Not on my end. She cried. Maybe we need to pause on having drinks. I laughed which made matters worse I’m sure. Unintentional a**hole. I just didn’t think her coming over to see the dogs was a good idea. Too soon. The only mistake I made on Saturday was eating Taco Bell. Good grief, when will I learn. Never.
Sunday I stuck to tradition and went to lunch with my mother. I’m so glad we started this every Sunday. I cherish it. Since the divorce I have had so much more time with my mother. I love it. She is the best.
Life is yours.
The 4th of f***ing July!! I really didn’t want to do anything. That didn’t happen. I tried to wash my car. I brought sparkler and 4th glow neckless to my tea hookup. I wasn’t expecting free tea. I went and had lunch with a friend that’s going to leave forever in a month. I saw my mother. I went and looked at boobs. Kidding, sort of. Not kidding. That happened. America!!!
I just wanted to watch Stranger Things 4. I was invited to a BBQ party. I love the people but I just didn’t have it in me. Mellow is the day for me. I’m playing hermit. Trifecta of weenies.
I can feel the heat of the summer in my veins.
Tuesday was nice a mellow. I made two pizzas. One for Yvette and family and one for myself. She got pineapple. . Gave her extra hell for fibbing. Got a cake for someone despite lies. That backfire blog was a joke on me. They played me. Haha. It was a nice day off.
So that’s my weekend blog. I had a mellow One. Yay!!!
So I pranked the Dean of College of Education. Oops. Little history. Three years ago I joked with Yvette about putting a toy snake into her inner office mail box. She is frightened of snakes. She might have said she would castrate me if I was to do this. Idle threat? Who knows. Best to No find out. Years passed and I had forgotten about the prank. Until one day I find a toy snake. The idea once again presents itself. I thought about it and couldn’t resist. Heart attacks. Peeing oneself. Screaming. Fainting and hitting head. Castration be damned, I was going to do it.
Monday rolled around and I placed the snake in the mail box around 9am before she made her mail run. I didn’t hear anything. That afternoon the snake was still untouched. I decided maybe she just glanced into the room and didn’t see a folder sticking out. I put a folder in and made sure it was noticeable from the doorway. Tuesday came and passed. Wednesday, nothing. Snake untouched. WTH!!! She slacking on the job? Thursday morning arrives and I get a bomb notice. The Dean wants to know what the hell!! I scared the shit out of her. Oh boy….
I was told it might be best to not show my face for a couple days. The Dean wasn’t happy with me. I was going to get an ear full. I decided to listen. I stayed away for a day. I knew I had to apologize and offer some peace treaty. I originally planned on waiting till after the holiday weekend but I really didn’t want that looming over my shoulders so I took a dive and went to the office. She wasn’t yet there so I chatted with Yvette and dropped off some leftovers. The Dean approached down the hall and she had knives for eyes when she say me. I was in trouble. I said “I was soooooo sorry”. She shook her head and winked at me. I was like, okay. She walks into the office and says “I’m in big trouble. Do I have any snakes on my person right now?” No. At this point I realize we are putting on a show for Yvette. So I play along and apologize and offer treats. She says Yvette deserves something out of this for being in the middle. I offer a full tank of gas. Everyone laughs and it’s over. Apology accepted on one condition. Red velvet cake. Done deal. The Dean is a much more fun person than I had thought. I think the snake made me a new acquaintance. Funny how things work out. Prank backfired abut worked out for the best. Highlight of my week.
Jalapeño
Steak, asparagus and potatoes.
Lemon asparagus chicken stir fry.
Salmon Patty w/ green beans.
More salmon. Stuffed with crab, covered in sriracha and served with broccoli cheese.
The heat is one. Summer solstice has officially arrived. Not that it wasn’t already f***ing hot but now we can blame it on summertime. If you are a long time reader you know that I hate summer. We are also in a drought making matters worse. No rain and 100+ is bad for everything. Even the tarantula are thirsty. They have been invading out office looking for water, I assume.
I watched a most disturbing film Wednesday. Crime of the Future written & directed by David Cronenberg. Surgery is the new sex. Lots of body mutilation and organ transplants. Pain is all but gone. Evolution is developing new organs that can cope with our never ending pollution of the planet. It was dark. It was disturbing. Visually grotesque & stunning. Certainly not for everyone.
Done.
Jalapeño
Burger salad.
Spicy sesame chicken over sushi rice.
Wonton tuna tacos with a guacamole mousse, seaweed, and a Serrano simple syrup for a sauce.
Ahi seaweed poke w/ kimchi.
Teriyaki steak with mushroom, asparagus and jalapeño.
After a very rewarding weekend with family and all that stress/anxiety behind me I came into this week like a new man. I can’t overstate how much better I feel. Monday was so strange. Out of the blue a friend I have not seen in at least 20 years sends me a message. I didn’t immediately reply. He sent another and I still did not reply. Third message: “Would you date my sister?” What!!! It turns out she got divorced this year as well. This is someone that I’ve had a crush on for at least 30 years! Wild! I think someone might have been playing matchmaker. Hmmmm. What a deal. I’m single. If something happens, it happens. Right now she is in California. There is someone I am having fun with that lives a little closer right now, but who can say.
Found Yvette a bike! 😂
I got late birthday presents from the campus. It was sweet. The little things mean more than the big. For instance: cards, tea and cheese. I love it. I’m 41. After 40 you shouldn’t expect a thing. I feel very grateful for them all.
It’s amazing what a week can do. I feel more like myself than I have in about a year. It was a REALLY good week. Lots of work and productivity. Had leftovers, which friends received. I was on a pasta hook. Bought some tea for another friend. I think I’m hooked on that s***. Unsweet coconut. Laughed so hard my face would hurt. Been early to work everyday. I’ve been 5 after 8 for a long time.
I’ve also found a motivation to cook new things again or at the very least cook what I haven’t in a long d*** time. I made a dish for Janine. Her words: “If you ever need a sugar mamma, invite her over for dinner. Your ex wife was a fool.” Is it that easy?
It was a nice busy week. Spent very little time in the office. I’m afraid of this next expense report. The plus side it’s Friday and it felt like Wednesday. The week booked it. I had fun. It was a good week and I needed it. No complaints. I have heard a few, but I have none. Well, maybe I do. My favorite jeans ripped out at the crotch. Can’t wear them anymore. Haha. Cheers!!
I still remember my wedding vows and the first kiss. I meant them and that was a special moment in my life. Always will be.
If you can’t be honest in your own blog where can you. I feel the weights of mountains lifted off my back after the divorce, but I’m also very lonely. It’s been a hard year. My friends have meant so much to me. I have many of them I do not see at work. Very few, actually. It’s work and than I spend the rest of my days at home or with my mother.
I go to the bar for company. But that’s not what I want to be doing. But I get lonely and end up there some evenings. Loneliness is a b****. I’m just happy so much anxiety has lifted. I wonder what’s next in life for me?
You can ask that question a million times and the answer will not show itself. The great wide open doesn’t make life that simple for us. No. We trial. We are flogged. We should have avoided that forbidden fruit. I think lessons are all around us. Be it enjoying a bird song. If we want to have a healthy life on this planet it’s all in our perception of our surroundings.
I think, and this might be just early discovery thinking, most humans shouldn’t expect to be in a lasting relationship. For those that have, I am proud of you. Amazing feat. Truly. Most people don’t like themselves so how can they be expected to hold that towards someone else. Men licensed that on women out of jealousy and they used religion. D*** move. .
I wrote this next section months ago. I’m going to post it to get it off my chest. Disclaimer, I’m better.
“This blog is my vent that I don’t speak to others. It’s a weird thing to hear your estranged wife is f***ing a person. Now soon to be ex. It made me feel better about my life. So much better. Cleared my mind. Hope her world is rocked. It made me sick. And DONE. I figured it was happening and I heard the rumors. I have heard a lot. I don’t care. I mean, it’s a relief. Now I don’t have to care. She started it. She gave up on me. Life is strange. I guess I can say I wasn’t the cheater. Since I never did but people seem to view that the case because of her mouth. One thing: getting a divorce is a great character study. You finally see someone for who they are. Not the person you loved. I miss the “version” of my wife that I married. The “version” I know now would never have been excepted into this family. She is cold, cruel and unhealthy. The past has a perfection the future can never hold.(Since adapted. Positive vibes.)
Then you have other people. That are lonely. That seek attention, because they are lonely. They pull “love”away from you. They don’t like themselves and they don’t like to see other people happier than them. They don’t like to share. They only like themselves. It’s hard to share with that person. But they have a good soul. It’s in the eyes. We all have our breaking point. When it “snaps” it just means you pull yourself up and out again. I trust they can do it. When it happens just deal with it your own way. Being miserable doesn’t have to be a team effort. Look for positivity. Overcome.
I’ve come to the conclusion that monogamy is a joke. It is unrealistic. We always try. We don’t want failure. You love someone. It doesn’t mean you will be compatible all your life. But you try and it’s a joke. BUT… maybe it isn’t. You just have not met the right person. You held on to hope. I believe in the world. Holding onto hope. I contradict myself.”
Maybe I’ll find someone. A lot of it was on me. Blind fool. 50/50. Just work. I also don’t blame her for all her crap. Both our hearts were dying fast and we didn’t know what to do. I’ll always forgive.
My life has been empty. I’m lonely. It’s no damn joke. Dead eyes. Vacant as the sea. I just need my friends right now. I’m happy but it’s been a lonely fucking year. I love you all. I hope you are all not just like me. By star light.
These are the soul lifters.
I truly love my family and my friends. I would count myself lucky. Had a great week and weekend. Had the little boys. We went to the museum. They had a damn blast. such young energy. They are a handful at restaurants.
Jalapeño.
Spivey chicken thigh, onion/jalapeño, grilled lime, avocado and tomato. Delish.
Friday the divorce was finalized. Birthday divorce weekend. I took some time off. Bekah and I had lunch after the hearing. I got drunk. It was a heavy weekend. Monday I was cripple on the couch. People buy lots of drinks for the birthday divorce boy, sadly. I’m not 21. That was 20 years ago. It was fun and I’m glad people care. Wore me out.
Tuesday I hung out all afternoon with my nephew. Went to see a movie. Good times. He likes Doctor Pepper. Very behaved. We had an awesome time. I needed him. I won’t deny I tested up once just watching him so into the movie. Love him. He also came around and not like My Monster. 37year old toy at least. He was afraid until this weekend. Haha
I realize I’ve got a lot of other peoples drama in my life. Toxic people. I tend to look for the best in people and shrug off the blatantly obvious. Sometimes you need to listen to those trying to pry open your eyes. I generally am forgiving. It’s a new era in my life. I don’t want to close doors. I want to keep people in my life. Unless caused total damage, why not? People are generally in your life for a reason, you cared for one another. I know people think it’s weird I’m remaining friends with Bekah but I’m different and weird. Yeah. Oh well. It’s been a f***ing year.
This is a two week blog. I didn’t have enough to really write about. It was hot. The weekend of the 14-15 I went out on my third date with mystery woman #4. We laugh a lot and have good fun. We satisfied our nacho craving. Sunday was date with mom. That was my weekend.
Like I said, the week was hot. 110 degree hot. Zap the life out of you. Nothing fun by about that. We did have a nice full moon.
The following weekend I went out with the Slovak for some fun. It was entertaining. As usual, lunch with mom.
Rain and finally cool temps!! It was so nice. Too bad I drank way too much coffee. Monday I got home from work and vomited. I wasn’t about to eat that night. I was sick and restless. I took Tuesday off. I slept. Around 1 I finally nausea went away. I was still to afraid to eat. Comfort food later.
The rest of the week was very busy. I was all over the place. I had a bucket list tour that I almost didn’t make on time. Bad because I was the guide. When I signed up for it I assumed we would be taking the elevator. No, we walked up 10 flights of stairs. Someone is afraid of elevators. Ridiculous. Either way, the girls were all smiles and it touched my heart. It was a bigger tour than expected. What was supposed to be 3 people turned into 6. Friday rolled around and because it’s Memorial Day weekend they gave us a half day. Thought maybe I’d have a lunch date but nooooooooo. I was left to my own devices. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I might do a weekend blog. It’s been a while.
Oh yeah, the title of this blog. I must be watching too many horror films again and my dreams have become B-level horror. I’ve been known for bizarre dreams.
First dream. I was having a party. BBQ cooking outside. All of us drinking. I go inside to grab another beer and start visiting with the people in the kitchen. Lots of laughter. Suddenly we hear some commotion coming from the back. I go to look and these lingerie wearing demons are crawling out of the earth. Straight up Evil Dead if you know what I mean. They begin to butcher my friends. It’s too late so I try and slam the door before they come inside. Dream logic failure, they are in the house. The remaining of us flee. They are everywhere outside. We run for our lives with the demon women wearing very little bouncing down the street behind us . Why not get in our cars? Dream logic. Well, the demon women must have been track stars(or we were drunk) because they gain on us. One by one my friends are picked off. Finally they catch me and go for the neck. I awake. The first words from my mouth that morning were “demonic whores”.
Second dream. I was being stalked by this guy I always see walking on campus. Yes, he is a real dude in a fedora. I wake up in the morning and go to make some eggs. This fedora f*** is standing at the street motionless staring at my house. I duck away from the window, startled. Look back. He is gone. Get ready for work and off I go. Dream logic, time bounce. I’m still at work but it’s later in the day. I’m in a building that actually doesn’t exist on campus visiting with a friend. I feel eyes on me. I turn around and the guy is looking through the window. I ask my friend if they see that guy. They don’t see anything. Again with the time bounce. I have less detail but he is at HEB at the opposite side of the store staring. I get home and cook/watch the weather & go to bed. I don’t seem to have dogs. In the middle of the night I wake in a panic and fedora f*** is at the end of the bed staring me down. I than woke in a real panic. I’ve seen that guy walking since and he wigs me out. I try to go another route on the golf cart. I actually saw him on Thursday.
Jalapeño
Cielo quesadilla. Date with mom. Glad she was back. Win.
Broccoli beef with ground beef. Dud.
Bacon mushroom Swiss. Too salty. Dud.
Seared tuna, seaweed and leftover sushi. Win.
Asian chicken salad. Win.
Twin Peaks nachos.
BLT w/ egg.
Lily’s pizza.
Shrimp tacos.
I couldn’t even eat that on Monday. 😦
Comfort food. Chicken Divan.
Korean diced pork with Spivey fried rice.
Enchilada chicken. It was nuclear. I literally had to take a break and blow my nose. Finally I made something good this week.
PB&J burger again. I had to see if it was a fluke. It wasn’t. People need to try this. Seriously.
It’s taken some time but I’ve adjusted to the life as a single man. No one thinks they will get a divorce. Well, maybe some do. I just know that I didn’t marry with the intention of things not working out. I meant my vows.
When the process began I felt alone in many ways. The weekends which was our time to have fun turned into days by myself. Eating by myself. Having a drink by myself. One day The Slovak and I decided to say screw is and go have lunch. Call it a date, call it what you will. It was fun and it helped me realize that I didn’t have to be alone. There were people I could call upon. So I’ve had about 20 “dates” with various people whom have helped me in so many regards. Did I want to be single at 40? No. Am I happy being single at 40? Absolutely.
Just know life is a rollercoaster and the mind can be a merry-go-round. We eventually climb off. It’s just a ride. We all stepped on and we all step off. We jump onto another scary ride. Hold on.
“One life on this earth is all we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be that at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.” – Frederick Buechner.
Saturday was a second date with a female friend. I think 3 hours means it went well, right? Lunch and a walk around downtown. She is pretty cool.
On that note, went to lunch Tuesday with Slovak. Tuesdays are great days off. You beat Monday and you come back on Wednesday. Had some good lunch. I’m not playing the field, just free and most my friends happen to be female.
Capped off the week with a surprise. Went to happy hour to find a little joy. Have not seen her in a long time considering we live in the same town. She wasn’t happy, sadly. But life will come around. Crazy woman.
The bad thing about taking a Monday off is that Tuesday becomes your Monday. The real stinker is that it’s only your Monday. Everyone else had their Monday so you are the only one dragging your ass. Everyone else was dragging ass together the prior day. Now it’s just you alone dragging ass and everyone else has already conquered the hardest day of the week. You are alone in your struggles. Sad and alone.
Deep thoughts with Jordan Swiderski. Thank you!
Boring week. I took Monday off and got a little tipsy. Wednesday I ran into Bekah. She bought my drinks. I saw Kat Thursday. My crush. Friday Kami & I had drinks. It was fun. I love my friends. Nothing really happened this week.
The week wouldn’t end. Some people. I wanted to shove my shoe up someone’s ass. I blew up twice at work. But the main reason for my anger wasn’t even work. Life. People.
En Fuego 