Life is like a box of f***ing chocolates. Isn’t that misleading? I mean, most chocolates you already know what you are getting? What a stupid over used movie quote. Life is not a box of chocolates. It’s a box or skittles, dates, onion peal, dog poop and chocolate. Each day is a different taste. I wish it were a box of chocolate. I mean I’m not even the biggest chocolate fan. What a bold claim.
Tuesday I just couldn’t so I didn’t. I was very tempted to not leave the house at all but I eventually decided I need a change of scenery. I went to my mothers and then I went to visits a bartender friend. I got trashed. It just happened. My morning was shit and I went with the impulse. I don’t need to do that. I sure did have some humorous conversation though.
Back to the grind. Wednesday not all cylinders were on fire. Good lord it didn’t want to end. Thursday was a little better, I suppose. My ding dong friends managed to lock themselves out of their office so after a brief trip for ice cream one of them had a golf car ride across campus for some spare keys. Call it a field trip if you will. She had fun with the wind in her hair.
I like an evening alone. An evening is nice. Have a meal and a drink and think. I’ve had a lot of those lately. The biggest adjustment is sleep and dinner. Adjustments can be… difficult. Years of doing things one way and suddenly it’s time to change. Humans become conditioned. We also adapt. A bandaid being pulled off slowly is never a good feeling. I thought we all knew that you rip it.
Friday all my burrito peeps were gone which meant I got it cheap. Actually I decided not to get any. I didn’t sleep and I decided to take some NyQuil at the wrong hour so when I finally did sleep I over slept. Felt drugged all morning. One of our painters whom I had known since at least 2015 died from his struggles with Covid. First person I’ve know to die from this pandemic. Jimmy was being a real ass all morning. My lunch sucked. A department tried to blame us and get us to do another contracts job and threw a fit when we didn’t jump. It was a f***ing day. I felt like a zombie. The day was extra special.
First pumpkin sighting.
There was a woman with long attractive legs in fishnet hose and a short short skirt whose ass I couldn’t help notice. Either could the guy in line ahead of me. Well, when she turned around it turned out she wasn’t a woman but a man. Something out of a nightmare. I don’t know what this person was going for. Something from a Rob Zombie film.
After that I picked up my neighbor to meet up with Jamie for drinks. This outing had been planned a while in advance. No matter how crummy and tired a day I had it was going down. He was late, Jamie was early. Miscommunication. I was picking him up at 5:20 we were to meet at 5:30. She thought 5:20. We got there at 5:35. She had a head start on us at least. What was meant to be drinks turned into appetizers and pizza. Dinner with friends. You have no idea how long it has been since I’ve had dinner with friends. Lots of laughs and just what I needed. Especially after this day. This week. It was a good time. But someone decided the drinks needed to keep going at another venue. So we went to a local dive bar for what was supposed to be one drink but ended up being about 4. I was reluctant but in the end happy. Again, it was what I needed. Maybe that’s a good sign for the weekend. Laughter is a cure.
How long do I have? The flowers were once in bloom. Is the summer really through? A long weekend. Is this a good thing? Who knows. I tried in vain to sleep in but the dogs plotted against me. I got up and rolled along. I fought with my POS computer for about 30 min. Nothing more aggravating than technical issues. Things that are supposed to make this life move quickly yet only slow you down. Once that was absolved it was a quick trip to HEB. Happened to run into Jamie. Like 4 times. It’s humors me. We both dislike the shoppers that have long conversation and congest an aisle. We say our words to each other in passing. Never really at a stall.
Once home I cleaned some and did a bit of yard work. After that it was time for a drink and some food. What the heck! Saturday with no plans and all alone, screw it. I went out with a friend for a few rounds what else to do. Oh, and a late 4 o’clock lunch. It was a good outing.
Dinner was some wiener. I was inspired. It was tasty. Toooooo tasty. I was happy. While eating the delicious meal I realized I couldn’t see the future because I liked the past to much. Change can be hard.
The night was one of strange conversations. The night was strange. The morning even stranger. 4 am vodka talk. Never good. sleep at 6am and awake again at 9. It’s no way to live at 40 years. I didn’t see this in my life at 40. I’m tired.
I made some Brunch. Chorizo potato and the fixings. Honestly a pat on the back. It was a hell of a meal. I’m cooking too much. Not used to doing this for only one. Life…. At least Connie gained some family this weekend. Cute little Paulie. That bottle was broken by Bekah. She destroyed it.
I went to visit my mother after dragging my lazy a** off the couch. That was a difficult task. I didn’t want to move but I needed out. I needed perspective. A little chat was nice.
I was persuaded to meet a new boy. He was adorable. I saw some friends. Paulie. I wish my dogs would get to know him.
At Home I made some fried rice. Chicken. Shadows. I dwell. I’m alone. I need to get out of this. How long do I have. I can’t do this every weekend. They are worst.
Broke the bottle.
Someone help me. I hate myself. Mystery of the stars. I woke up at the usual hour and listened to the same song on repeat for about 30 min before I decided to pop a pill and find dreamland. I crashed.
It was Monday. It felt like Sunday. I was discombobulated. Are you not supposed to cook something good on Labor Day? I scrambled some eggs. Not even photo worthy. I was tired. Exhaustion.
I had some fries for lunch. And some Jameson and Red Bull. Shared with a friend.
I made it home. Final drink. BBQ for Labor Day. Goodbye vodka. Bekah got Covid tested. Negative results finally came. Thank god.
Exhaustion. What’s the point. I am dreaming of a life and it’s not the life of mine. I’m soooooo tired. Living by the hour. I’m half awake, half in a frenzy. I’m just a question knowing my answer. Asleep but walking. Drinking. Life is bulls***. Had a bender last weekend. Not happy with that. It’s not healthy sleep. You will be happy to hear I did finally find sleep. Waking up with clarity is a beautiful day. But I still need more. And BTW, the bar is a beautiful place.
I’m just always amazed with peoples stupidity. There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity. You have to know how to have that. Anyway, an unbalanced employee came into my office claiming that dinosaur never existed. They are a hoax. They are fake. This individual has had some outlandish takes before so I really shouldn’t have been surprised. He doesn’t believe the Holocaust took place. Liberals eat babies. Yada yada yada. But to say dinosaur never existed. Christ man!!! I just looked at him like he was a f***ing moron. What could I even say? Well I wished I’d have asked him if he also believes the earth is flat. What a missed opportunity.
Because COVID numbers are so high right now the university has decided to once again go hybrid. Half in person half online. Like we did last year. We made it one week like a normal semester. “Eyes rolling”. We should have done this method from the start. They say this is temporary. Only 3 weeks. We shall see… no mask wearing mother fuckers.
This place is full of contradictions. Mail Services. I’ll leave it at that.
Fall decorations are out!! September first, as per tradition, I decorated the house. It made me feel good. My favorite time of year is hear. Well, it still feels like a heat wave but soon, hopefully, we will have some fall weather. I can’t believe the summer has passed. It will not be forgotten. Blasted b****!
Jalapeño
Fake lasagna w/ bite sized caprese salad.
Steak & egg for brunch.
Leftover fake lasagna.
Steak, mashed potato’s & asparagus.
Shredded BBQ chicken w/ slaw.
Vodka sauce cheese tortellini when some green beans. Garnished with fresh basil, red jalapeño & Parmesan
Pot roast & scalloped potatoes.
Some kind of Mexican dish. Green chili chicken with added asparagus. I used what I had.
Cocktail of the Week: Ranch Water w/ Blue Curaçao.
It’s showtime!!! The fall semester has officially began. The students are like locust descending upon the campus. We are at 100% capacity so it’s a little adjustment over the last year. And COVID numbers are soaring!! They are everywhere. How is the fall already here. What the flying f*** happened to the summer? I guess summer was s*** and a blur. Worst summer of my life? Maybe so. God it went fast. My friends & I took our traditional back to school photo. Mask not required. It was fun. What a beautiful batch we are.
Did I mention I’m of Staff Senate. We had our first meeting. I will admit to being a little anxious. I had no idea what I was in for. Heck, I didn’t even know it was happening until I received a text. Only 7 people arrived. For the most part I was quiet. I was trying to get a feel for it. It was fun. Short and simple. I’m capable of this for 2 years? Sure!! And I get to be around people I like and possibly meet some future friends. Definitely outside my comfort zone.
Wednesday. What a f***ing morning. It was weird and I got NO sleep so I decided I’d go in late. Later I decided I’d just say f*** it all and not go in at all. Intentions were to sleep but I ended up chatting with Jamie & The Dean for about an hour. After that session my belly began to grumble. Fooooooooooooooood!!!!! I ordered cheese enchiladas from a generally reliable spot and was only dissatisfied. That’s f***ing life. When you actually get what you want and it’s still a bummer.
National Dog Day!!!! My dogs, they sure deserve a day of recognition. They are the sweetest pups ever. They got the treats and were happy doggies. It was a pretty good day for me as well.
Birthday weeks. They are special to many. I think for some more than others. Jamie likes to celebrate her’s so we on campus try to oblige. It didn’t quite fall on a work day so the goofy gifts were distributed throughout. I do mean goofy. I’m a big fan of wasting my money on gag gifts that no one will ever use. I hope she got a chuckle. She now has an addition to her Mariah Carey shrine!! Hahaha
FRIDAY!!! It was a long time coming. So many people I know on campus right now have the delta variant of COVID. If I catch it from work again I’ll be soooo mad. These are people that I’ve been around. I keep telling myself that I should be fine having had the virus already and having take the vaccine, but every bugger in my nose alarms me a little. Phantom sore throat? Is it all in my head?
I took half the day off to take care of things that needed taking care of. It wasn’t exactly a fun afternoon. I was also informed that work BLEW up after I left. We had a morning without anything going on and as soon as we are short staffed everything hits the fan. That’s the way of the world. Chaos. Once done with all appointments I relaxed with a beverage. I owed myself.
Just a side note to finish this one off. Some days I think this world is just a subtle shade of shit and then I witness one simple act of kindness and I know immediately I was wrong. It’s easy to get lost in the BS and not see how amazing things really are. Remember that.
Jalapeño
Breakfast sausage burger.
Burger patty with some Mac & cheese.
Queso chicken over some Spanish rice.
Mongolian beef.
I made something with jalapeño and chicken. Broccoli as a side. It didn’t kill me. It would have killed my spouse.
Saturday I spent with my middle brother for the most part. Had some drinks, good laughs. I took him to the museum so he could see dads exhibit. He thought the whole place was pretty cool. Chomper was happy to see us. went. He was extremely hungover so off to lunch we went. For reason that make no sense, the place we wanted to eat decided to push opening back till 2 so we had to find somewhere else. We tried a fairly new place and it was enjoyable. Not exactly what we wanted, but enjoyable.
After a portion of the day alone and happy with it, I went to meet for drinks. After that it was burger time and booze at mi casa. The burger was basic and pretty perfect. A movie called “Don’t Breathe” was on and my brother hadn’t seen it so we watch. We wondered how the hell they made a sequel? Not that the first is bad, but the main character in the sequel is being proposed as a hero and he has no redeemable traits if you watched him in the first film. Villain 100%. Turkey Bastet full of semen…..
Early Sunday I was awoken to the glorious sounds of a thunderstorm rolling through like a freight train. She was an angry b**** of a storm. She cried 2.4 inches before she left us. It was so nice and gloomy and cool outside. The perfect morning for lunch outside with friends.
Early signs of rain.
Unfortunately that didn’t f***ing happen. Last minute change of plans left it only being Jamie and I so we both decided it should just be moved to a later date. Real bummer because it was 70 degrees outside and that patio would have been perfect. When plans fail they fail good. I tried to get my brother to have lunch with me but it seems the drink got him good and he wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t want to cook and I needed out of the house so Chili’s it ended up being. It’s been over a year and 4 months since I’ve dined indoor at this establishment on a Sunday. It was a tradition of Bekah’s & I. Oddly it was a little emotional.
After knocking out some HEB shopping, the rest of the day was spent mostly with my brother watching bad tv. It was fine and dandy. Just what I needed. I also exposed myself one too many times during the day. Revealed secrets. Damn tricksters. Got me telling on myself. I guess for a day that didn’t start out as planned it was pretty good.
Monday was a total b****. As they can often be. I made it through and decided upon a last drink with my brother after such a sluggish awful day. We had a good time. Ran into my spouse, the vampire. She had the day off. We had a couple drinks and laughs at the days of old. It was a pleasure to have my brother in town. I needed him & will miss him.
Tuesday it was so nice and gloomy. I really need to remove the weather radio from my room. That thing started barking at me like a mad dog. It was flooding in town. More rain!!!! A LOT of it. 3.2 at my house. Let me just say that I needed it as much as the land. I soaked it up into my soul. I went to work and did very little before deciding “f*** it” and taking a half day. It was 70, gloomy & raining in August. I could also use a drink. What a day for it. It turned out to be quite productive and needed.
Wednesday it was still nice and gloomy. I didn’t get much sleep but I still went into work. Move-in day. Big day on campus. The kids arrival. What a time to exist. It’s a chaotic mess.
I am a staff senator. Stepping out of my comfort zone. I told people not to nominate me but someone did anyways so maybe it was a sign. I found out right before the campus assembly. Which was sooooooo looooooong. I was standing for 2 whole hours. Long winded folk, these academic type. Mini bios for everyone. I also had my name called as a newly member of staff senate. I was not expecting that. I was expecting the last name to be butchered but it didn’t happen. Oh well. I was out of the office for 2 hours. That evening I almost went for the free drinks and food at the campus assembly. I went as far as pulling into the parking lot. I sat for a while and decided to just go home. It was crowded and I didn’t feel like walking into that mess and not knowing who to talk to. Besides, I had better booze at home.
It was my burrito day come Friday. Weird day. Hung out a lot. It couldn’t end. At least I saw friends a few times. Next week school starts. Let’s see how that goes. May the weekend prepare us all. Happy Friday!!!
Jalapeño
Just some basic burgers with my middle brother.
An early breakfast since I was skipping brunch for lunch with friends. (Didn’t happen).
Asparagus ham Gouda stuffed chicken with a sauce I make that is to die for. One of Bekah’s favorites.
Steakhouse Patty over mashed potatoes.
I know it’s not exactly soup weather but a cloudy, rainy 70 degree day in August, I’ll do soup. I made some chicken tortilla. It was pretty damn good. Couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
New York strip with asparagus & potato.
Taco salad. I did the meat, peppers, & onion from the grill. Seasoned it with my own mix spices. It was rather great.
The weekend became one of peace. I drove out to my youth. I went to speak to my grandparents. Grave stones are beautiful. Processing doubts. Flowers. The whispering winds. Trails and creeks. The sounds of a small town. Silhouette’s of a child painted on stone long forgotten by weary eyes. An 83 year old woman enjoying a beer. Permanent sunshine. A song. They say “f*** the rain!” They say a lot. A back road is glorious. A town undiscovered. Beauty behind the highway. Watch that sun rise. I carried myself and it was nice. Dreaming backwards. Aching souls. Laughter and smiles. Friends forgotten & found again. A hushed goodbye. Dancing candlelight. A breeze like a caress across the cheek. Desolate abandoned lands. Time is a town that crumbles. Calander days. Man, they flew away. Sparkling wine on a Sunday morning. The hotel bar is closed. Do not disturb anymore. The hotel bar is closed. Nothing to write. A day drive will dry your eyes.
The week was a real b****. Nothing to write home about. My middle brother arrived. We decided to have drinks and make some dinner. It was lots of good laughs and long talks. He has a coworker that likes to talk to people while he is taking a poop. I’ve never heard of such a foul person. I thought I had it bad. Maybe I don’t. the weekend is finally here. I have some plans and I am happy about them. I’ll let you all know how they pan out. Cheers!!!
Jalapeño
Saturday night pizza!!!
Sunday brunch I was in the air. I had chorizo still. It needed to be used. Was it tacos or omelet. I sided with a omelet. It was the right choice.
General Tso’s chicken with fried rice.
Spanish rice topped with chicken, veggies & Queso.
Philly cheesesteak without the bread.
Fish tacos.
Steak, spicy mashed potato and asparagus.
Appetizer onion rings and then brother and I made fajitas.
My life is in a shadow. I dwell, hidden in the gloom. That’s how I feel. Perfect. I needed a mental health day Monday so I took it. Only f***ing myself because I’ll have worked piled up but I just couldn’t. It was nice and gloomy. Cool for August. I had things I could do but I just couldn’t. So I posted on a barstool in the kitchen and watched the neighborhood for a while.
Eventually is began to rain. I decided to drive around and listen to it. I ended up at the lily pond. It was beautiful and therapeutic. The pond director had recently passed away and it was a little sad. I’ve seen his face so many times over the years. You could sort of see the ponds were in a bit of neglect. Where can I volunteer.
Tuesday arrived and it was another mental health day. Sometimes you just need it. I was as unproductive as I could be. It was watermelon day. I enjoyed and brought someone some watermelon. The weather was still nice. A rare cold front in August. I wish it would stick around all month.
I’ve run myself to ground. Old dreams are breaking now. Wednesday I pulled my big boy pants on and dragged my happy a** to work. It was Janine’s birthday. She had a surprise. Toys from me & cake from Jamie. . We tried to show her she is part of the family. I guess it moved her. She hadn’t had her birthday celebrated at work. I tried to get people involved. Thanks everyone. She deserved it. Especially covering for me the last 2 days when she didn’t and shouldn’t have done so. Leroy should have filled those boots. Of course the cake was great. Jimmy. He wouldn’t shut up. 20’questions. He also told me before I made it in the office that he had not had a solid shit in 3 days. That’s lovely. Just what I want to hear. Great. Great. Wonderful. “Don’t tell anyone!” Of course I told everyone.
I woke up a little over 20 min before I needed to be at work on Thursday. I made it on time somehow. Which is funny because I’m never on time. Seemed to the the trend for the day. I wasn’t the only “stupid boy” running late. It happens. And we boys are stupid. I could lecture all day on how stupid I am. I own up to my faults and mistakes. Hey man, it makes me who I am. What a boring f***ing world it would be if everyone and everything was perfect. Am I right?
Played shuttle boy again. All in all I think that shuttle service blew away a good hour of my day. You see it’s like being caught in a web when we do these runs. She likes to talk & we are out of the office so we rarely complain. We complain to each other but that fair game. All about the pencils that she really didn’t need but in her head it was all dire straits. Needy people, let me tell you. I got to visit with Chomper though.
I went to see a somewhat “mentor” of mine only to be shown his new hair cut. Bald. Not by choice. He seems optimistic. It was a gut punch and I wasn’t expecting it. What a f***ing week. I told him having no hair in the summer is great!! It’s so much cooler. He said his head is cold in the buildings. I countered that it’s liberating not having to mess with in the mornings. He just isn’t used to it yet. Empathy.
Friday and it was burritos. I woke up confused. The morning powwow was entertaining. We bashed Hawaii for some reason. I have no reason to bash Hawaii but I rolled with it. It was good needed laughs. I left in high spirits. The rest of the day was busy and fun. I took Yvette across the campus to check out what was being auctioned. She was unsupervised. She isn’t on the east side often. We thought about snagging a drink. That’s pretty much my f***ing week. Summed up.
Jalapeño
Poached eggs over chorizo, cheese and hash browns with some spicy green sauce.
Sweet potato topped with broccoli, jalapeño & sloppy Joe.
Saturday I was up and at it early. Picked up a few burritos. After stuffing my face I mowed the side yard which apparently desperately needed mowing. Decided while I needed a shower I might as well go ahead and shave and cut my hair. Once groomed and clean it was off to wash Ruby and make her presentable for her return home. Next it was birthday shopping since I left the present at work. Next it was search for a beer that I couldn’t find in 3 location so I settled with something else. I had to go find a 3rd birthday present because one of my dogs thought the most recent purchase was theirs. Annoying to say the least. One last unexpected chore, bathe a dirty dog that just got a bath the day before.
Chores done and time before the party I decided to go see a movie for the first time since December 2019. The Green Knight. Let me tell you that I had high expectations going into this one. I knew the source material from my college days and the trailers looked promising. It was even receiving good reviews. My eyes are rolling out of my f***ing head. It was horrible. Visually stunning but the story just didn’t translate to screen as I’d hoped. Being my first theatre experience in almost 2 year I was bummed. At one point I almost fell asleep. I wanted to walk out but didn’t because of the time I had invested. I just wanted it to end. Maybe if I were high out of my mind it would work. For me and my state of mind it was a f***ing turd. Such a disappointment.
After that terrible waste of time a grabbed a real quick lite lunch and headed home to prep myself for the birthday party. You see, I don’t generally do things like this. I freak out. Once I arrive I always have fun, but getting me there is a b****. I had a beer to ease my nerves. I was excited though. This would be something new for me and it would involve friends. Let’s put it this way, it was to be the medicine that I needed.
I ended up being the first person to arrive which made it a little easier. Gave me a moment to kind of settle in. One by one everyone else arrived. The birthday girl opened her present and seemed to have a really good time. Jamie made some great Italian. Her nachos, I hate to admit, were better than mine. Who knew you could add bacon and sausage!!! Everyone had some drinks and a good time. Lots of laughs. Birthday girl was happy. I was happy that I went. Even Henry was happy!! It’s a little outside my box and something I don’t get to do. I see these people at work just about everyday so it was nice to see them outside of work. I planned on staying for just about 2 hours and it ended up being around 5 hours if that tells you anything. I always have fun once I get to where ever it is I’m going. And I had a cocktail in person! Probably should have stayed later. Yvette later called me a jacka** for leaving. I hear it was all laughs.
Once back home I made myself a drink and mellowed my mind. Reflecting on a very good day I came to terms with some s***. I’ve needed to get out more for a long time & my handicap is only in my head. I have fun and I must remember that for the future. “Be lucky he even came over” was one of the parting phrases upon my departure while being asked to stay later. I need to make a habit of “doing”. Pour me a road and I’ll go. That’s the new me I want.
Sunday I tried my hardest to sleep in. After feeding the babies at around 7:30 I crawled back into bed and managed to fall back into dreamland until almost 10:30. It was a great accomplishment. Sleep is precious to me and I’ve not been getting as much as if like.
I went to the store and only spent $28.89 on a weeks worth of meals for myself. It was a great victory. I had to call and tell people I was so proud. Back home I decided I wanted hash brows so I made brunch and watch “16 Candles“. Great flick. I figured it was going to rain so I did the floors. Don’t ask. It’s like keeping the windows of your car down when a chance for rain arrives. Went and saw my mom. Visited a friend. Overall a lazy Sunday. Looked like it was going to rain. It finally did rain! So nice and gloomy and cooler than it should have been for August 1st. Just what I needed. Sunday was pretty great. I was treated well. I wouldn’t trade it in. What a good weekend.
I used to write a lot of short fiction & poetry. I took writing courses in college. Fiction, poetry, rhetoric, etc. I really enjoyed diving deep into the darkness. It was always more of a challenge. I’ve had one published but really I just wrote for the fun of it. For myself. I figured since I have the medium I could use it to post a little something from time to time. This was primarily written in March of 2019. Last year I tweaked it up with some fourth wall breaking dialogue which I think adds to it. It’s a pretty dark little tale that I had fun with. Enjoy or not, I don’t care. My “I don’t give a shit” meter is on the red line.
A Lesson on Misery
As he dips his toes into the shallow waters it occurs to him that he had taken too much today. It was as if he had been the punchline of some cosmic beings bad joke. His endurance for anguish, both mentally and physically, were near its threshold. He couldn’t see how things could get worse, but he had already said that twice today.
As if to confirm that the world had turned its back upon him, the clouds overhead suddenly break and the cold rain begins to dampen his skin. He felt a shiver. He was not dressed for this sudden unexpected change of weather. Turning his head upwards, he shouts blasphemies towards the heavens or whomever will hear him. Throat raw from the volume of words that outpour from his being, he falls to his knees into the grime. Placing his head into his hands, the first tears begin to mix with the rain upon his cheeks.
Shuddering in the cold muck, he feels the irrelevance of his existence. What has been taken from him has left him nothing but a hollow husk. A glimpse between his fingers he takes notice of a slug moving across the mud. The slug, he reflects, has more importance than him. It has more purpose than him. It provides food for all sorts of animals. It recycles organic materials into the soil. The world benefits from the slug where it doesn’t from him. Nothing benefits from him anymore. The realization comes with some respite. However brief that it might be, a calm within the storm is a welcome gift. It won’t last long. If the earlier events of the day are any indication, an impending doom is only a matter of time.
A Voice: A lesson on misery. The pain of a soul breaking to pieces. Love torn from its very being. An emptiness of heart and mind. Broken to the core with no means of repair. Equally tormented by one’s self and the world around. Haunted by deeds done and those to come along. A void.
Struggling to regain composure, he lifts his head from his hands and momentarily the sobbing subsides. With visibility low due to the rain now coming down in sheets, he almost misses the figure standing alert across the pond. An immense dread settles over him. This unknown figure standing in the down pour. Impossible to discern through the rain, he is almost certain the lone figure is studying him. Disquiet settles into his bowels as he watches the motionless Phantom in the storm. His heart is pounding.
Uncertainty leaves him as stationary as the one across the pond seems intent on being. Irrational thoughts begin to transform themselves. If he moves the figure will begin to make its way toward him. It isn’t a large pond and he isn’t in much shape to elude should the Shadow in the rain follow.
A Voice: A thing about fear. It can either set one in motion or in deep paralysis. In his case he is almost physically unable to move.
A thunderous boom causes him to close his eyes out of instinct. When he opens them the lone figure is no longer across the pond. Scanning the surrounding area he cannot locate the figure in the rain. Both self-doubt and a gut punch of panic set it. Did he ever actually see something or was it an illusion caused by the rain and his broken mental state?
It is possible that the figure in the rain was a manifestation of all his suffering. The mind can play tricks on you. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that his perceptions have lead him astray. Still scanning the surrounding area a moment of relief settles over him. He begins to laugh softly. Then loudly. His laugher reaching a point where it is no longer controlled. It is the sound of a man on the brink of losing his mind. A passerby would look alarmed to hear such a sound of complete oblivion exiting a person. He regains control, but the episode has left him more exhausted than he was before.
Suddenly there is a light pressure on his shoulder. His heart skips a beat. His bladder breaks and the warmth of urine spreads across his thighs. Trembling like a baby, he knows in his heart that somehow, impossible and illogical as it is, that the shadow figure is the one behind him. Its ominous presence never having gone anywhere. His mind had indeed played a trick on him. While in the grip of hysterics the Unknown managed, like a specter, to find its way behind him.
With every ounce of his being, he wills himself to turn around. What he sees shatters all threads of sanity. As he looks up into the rain and into the eyes of the Dark above him, into the eyes he has seen mirrored back at him for 40 years, all the pain is taken away. He feels nothing and suddenly, he is nothing.
***
A strange sense of déjà vu settles over him as he looks across the pound. All this pain seems familiar. He thinks to himself that he has had enough today to last a lifetime. For all his sins that went unnoticed have caught up with him. Everything has been taken from him. He is nothing now. He begins to weep.
A Voice: A lesson on misery. Often misery is a consequence of action, or lack of action. It is often something one brings upon themselves in some matter of fashion. For this man, misery could have been prevented had he choose his path thought life differently. This man lived a life in which he gained from other peoples misfortunes. He profited from the suffering of others. He now exist within a cycle. His reality is now a circle of pain. Misery on repeat until the very last star in the universe blinks out of existence. For he never learned this lesson in life. He choose to put himself ahead of others, no matter the aftermath. All the misery that he sowed upon the land is now his to experience over and over. His lesson.
The End
That was uplifting, wasn’t it? Not my best but I’m sort of proud of it because it’s new. Also, it’s short at only 1,036 words. Ambiguous. I’ve found writing without spoken dialogue to be my favorite. I dabbled with dialogue in college and I’m not sure I was ever comfortable. Hell, I’m not sure of the words coming out of my own mouth half the time so how would I feel stewing on the ones I put on paper.
Happy Friday everyone!! Cheers & hope the weekend is a blast!!!
Jalapeño
Teriyaki ground beef over a bed of jasmine rice garnished with green onions.
Meet the burrito baby!!! Egg, chorizo, brisket, hash browns, onion, jalapeño, chipotle peppers and cheese smothered in a verde sauce. Somehow I finished it off.
Burger.
Chicken Tikka Masala.
Teriyaki steak.
I had aspirations to make a meal. Low and behold….
Seared tuna over jasmine rice topped with reduced sweet soy, mango pico and side seaweed salad.
It was an invasion. We were not adequately prepared. We couldn’t match their numbers. The sheer volume of them was astounding. Where did they come from!!! They came at me like a shooting gallery from all sides. I dodged left and right. I swatted the air. They almost wrecked my golf car 4 times!!! I’m talking about the f***ing grasshopper on campus! Good lord are they awful. One flew right into my face and landed in my crotch. While I was frantically trying to get him out of there I almost high centered the cart on a damn boulder!!! My passenger even was attacked on one of our trips. She wants to burn them all and I’m down with it. I never liked the little turds. I liked them less after viewing Bugs Life. When I see a bird on campus consume one I cheer them on. Good job, friend!!! Eat them all!! May the seal of God protect us from the plague. I’m understanding why they were part of Revelations in the Bible. Apparently they are also whores.
The week really dragged on. I wasn’t kept very busy. I spent some time in the museum. I cruised the campus. I chatted with friends. Visited my momma. Cooked as usual. Had some cocktails because of life. Finally got a little much needed sleep. Talked about inappropriate things in the office. HR nightmare are we. It wasn’t a great week but it wasn’t bad as it progressed.
Friday rolled around and as I was leaving my house I notice one of my oak trees basically broke in two. I had a 20ft portion of tree too large for me to move just sitting in my yard. Great. I got my weekly burrito. Always something to look forward to. It’s like a reward for making it through the week. I basically spent the first hour of my day on campus but away from my office chatting. I was also unsupervised. Not like my boss is breathing down my neck. Besides, my coworkers know. When I finally did get to the office I hadn’t missed anything. Pretty much the daily theme, nothing happening. After an hour of this I jumped on the cart to check the mail room. During this time I offered a ride across campus. Basically delivered a person to another department. She also needed a burrito. After that I went and chatted with another friend. It was a good hour before I was back in the office. Lunch was near. The afternoon was pretty much the same, nothing happening. 2 hours in a jumped back on the cart for another mail run. Really, I just needed out to pass the time. Talk about a slow day, but it was also a really really good day. Anyway, cheers!! Have a nice weekend.
Jalapeño
For lunch Saturday I went with pizza. Two pizzas. I had to.
Dinner was sesame chicken. Spicy as all hell.
Brunch. What a mess. I was given free fries and I decided to make breakfast cheese fries. What a fantastic concept. Just place some scrambled eggs on top cheese fries. Yummy.
Spicy broccoli beef.
Bibigo steak and some snap peas.
BBQ chicken thighs w/ sweet corn.
Grilled onion and chicken thigh. Nice stir fry sauce I added. Sprinkled with habanero. Delicious.
En Fuego 