The Death of the Dove.

I am indirectly responsible for the death of a dove. You see, they roost in our oak trees and they crap on our vehicles. Out of frustration I got the BB gun out. At first shooting aimlessly into the foliage trying to spook them away. I connected with one, injuring it enough that when it tried to fly away it wasn’t able to get air. It crashed into our back door and was quickly caught by my dog Hazel. It wasn’t exactly a death I wish upon any living creature. It also made me profoundly sad the remainder of the evening. The bird just wanted a safe place to sleep and I took that from it. What made things worse is that the bird wasn’t alone. It had a companion. The companion even tried to come to its aid, but was quickly chased away by my other dog Owen. Later, the companion dove came back to roost. Upon seeing me enter the yard, it was fidgety in the tree. I looked up at it and it looked down at me. It quickly flew away. I hate seeing a terrified animal. Much less, be the focus of said fear. The bird had felt safe roosting in my trees and now it no longer did. It now had fear, and rightfully so.

I was rather angry at myself for it. When I was much much younger, a boy growing up, we did regularly shoot dove from the trees. I’m not proud to admit that. I know, you might say “it’s just a bird, lighten up!” It was till a living breathing beautiful creature that committed no crime aside from sleeping and defecating above our vehicles. For this the dove was shot from the tree which it was trying to find peaceful sleep only to be eaten alive.

The last animal that I killed was a rattlesnake. I was in far west Texas on some family land and decided to relieve myself. I urinated on a snake. It scared the hell out of me and I jumped a mile back all the while urinating everywhere and on myself. For this, the snake had its head removed with a sharp shooter shovel. It was just in the wrong place at the right time. In that snakes last minutes of existence it was pissed on, shot at and eventually decapitated. What a tragic ending. For what? It meant me no harm. It just had the bad fortune of being a poisonous snake. That’s stuck with me for years and I told myself I would not take the life of another living creature unless completely necessary.

That’s why I’m angry at myself. I can still see the flame flickering out of the eyes of the living creatures I’ve extinguished. No shit. I killed a lizard when I was a little boy by throwing a rock at it. I still remember it looking up at me taking its last breaths. It haunted me in my dreams. A damn lizard. Kids do stupid things and they don’t think about it at the time. Years later, as a middle age man, I think about that a lot. Killing birds. Spotlighting rabbits with friends. Just pointless murders of helpless animals.

Don’t worry, I never tortured an animal and I tried to make all deaths humane. I was just a dumb kid having fun with other dumb kids. These days I despise people that go trophy hunting. No animal should be killed and wasted without purpose. These days I probably empathize with animals more so than humans. Just because they are “lesser beings” does not dismiss them from having existence. Feelings. LIFE!! We really are not better than them because of our status as “humans”. Are we not all so called “Gods” creatures?

The following day I had a strange sort of anxiety over having participated in that doves death. I didn’t know the dove would impact me so much. Grief. Remorse. Not just for that singular dove, but for every other animals life I had taken in my near 44 years on this planet. I couldn’t stop thinking about it trying to fly away only to be caught it the jaws of a beast. The fear and the pain. It was all my fault. I was to blame. Overacting? I don’t know. I don’t know. I think maybe this is the root of why I have donated so much to animal causes over the last 20 years. I never really thought about it until now. One thing is for certain, never again. There was to much life in all those animals eyes before I took it away. I will not extinguish flame again. I hope, in times of judgment if there is judgment, I have a chance. Senseless killing is still senseless killing.

Go hug your damn pets. Animals are better than us. They have love without hate muddling things up. Unfortunately, humans have shown through history that our default nature is cruelty and hate. We seem to come back to that time and time again. I implore you all to seek love.

The Week.

Saturday I really needed to do yard work but I really didn’t want to. I fueled myself with coffee and attacked the yard. Mowing was the easy part but what o did next was what took so long. I went a little crazy trimming trees. The mess quickly gets out of hand. The clean up took hours. Since my dumping grounds was occupied I was forced to break all the limbs down and bag what I could. I also harvested some fire wood for next year. For some reason I still felt compelled to work. I sprayed the side yard plants. I need that yard eradicated. It was a busy day and I was at it for a good 4-5 hours.

After a visit to see the baby and the newfound parents finally free of the hospital Yvette and I had a date night. It’s good to go on the occasional date. We are trying to make it much more frequent. We had a few drink and just relaxed. It’s a thing couples need if they can. If nothing more than a little picnic. Just a meal for two.

Sunday was a perfect sleep in day. My back was agonizing. Really a bummer. It was already bothering me and all the yard work was me overdoing it. Big surprise. This little flare up is the worst it has been since finishing PT. I really had to do some stretching in the morning. I think it’s about time to just bite the bullet and get the spinal injection. I have put it off but at this point it’s worth a try. I didn’t leave the house until around 3:30 or so, which is very unlike me. I just hurt and wanted to lay around. I suppose that was productive.

Once I left the house the first thing I needed to do was replace Lola’s cereal. I had a late night craving for sweets and busted into her Kellogg Krave’s. All but annihilated them. I felt bad. I had to go out of my way to get them because only WalMart carries. After that little errand I was headed to get gas and some other groceries. On the way I veered off the beaten path to my favorite little cemetery. It’s a tragic story. Ben Ficklin was the county seat of Tom Green before my little town established itself as that position. In 1882 the town was all but wiped from the earth by a biblical sized flood taking away many of the residents in the process. This little cemetery is on high grounds and contains many grave markers with the same death date. After my trip on Sunday I noticed they have some recent additions, which is rather cool. I’ve always found the cemetery to be rather peaceful. My father introduced me to it years and years ago. He told me the story of the towns tragedy and it’s always stuck with me. From time to time I find myself drawn back.

The yard work took a very large toll on me. I hate my back. Hate it!! Pain is such a depressing thing. What do you do tho overcome it and live a life? You find out you will do what it takes. I went to my mother’s that evening, who knows all about pain.We visited for a little while and I came home to make leftovers into a real treat. Teegan and I had The Last of Us to watch. I was wondering where the hell they would go with the show after last week’s traumatic episode. Hard times to be a fan of anything. The episode was all about the fall back. It was depressing as hell. It was also really good.

Yvette cooked and went to see the baby. I was a little tired and stuffy so I stayed home and put on a movie. Norteratu 2024. I had been wanting to see it for some time. Love the directors previous works. It didn’t disappoint. Now if you know the tale of Dracula then you know this movies plot. It’s been done so many times. That does make this version surprising or not worth seeing. Now, this is my opinion. My stepsister hated it for reasons now understood.

Really nothing all that eventful during the week. I was struggling with another sinus infection or some shit. Stuffy runny nose and a slight cough. It’s been a bad year for me and my sinus cavity. It wasn’t until about Thursday’s that I started to feel a little better. Made for a foggy week at work with all the cold medications I was taking. Friday rolled around and at lunch I found a nice surprise waiting on my porch. A Propagandhi album I had pre-ordered months ahead. Made my day.

Happy Friday!!!

Jalapeño.

Chicken and waffles.

I had leftover chicken so I decided to pour some green enchilada sauce into a pan and make some chicken verde.

BBQ pulled pork street tacos w/ slaw, pickled onions & cilantro. I roasted some corn with a sour cream sauce.

Yvette made some white chicken enchiladas with rice and beans. A real treat.

Grilled fajita skirt steak w/ veggies over Yvette’s Spanish rice covered in white queso and homemade salsa.

I made Yvette’s spaghetti. It isn’t even near how I have grown up making it. We would pour the sauce on the noodles, not have them already mixed. I also grilled some meatballs and made broccolini. Good stuff.

Grilled tuan, mango salsa, broccoli.