Divorce!!! Is Love A Lesson I Can’t Learn?

I still remember my wedding vows and the first kiss. I meant them and that was a special moment in my life. Always will be.

If you can’t be honest in your own blog where can you. I feel the weights of mountains lifted off my back after the divorce, but I’m also very lonely. It’s been a hard year. My friends have meant so much to me. I have many of them I do not see at work. Very few, actually. It’s work and than I spend the rest of my days at home or with my mother.

I go to the bar for company. But that’s not what I want to be doing. But I get lonely and end up there some evenings. Loneliness is a b****. I’m just happy so much anxiety has lifted. I wonder what’s next in life for me?

You can ask that question a million times and the answer will not show itself. The great wide open doesn’t make life that simple for us. No. We trial. We are flogged. We should have avoided that forbidden fruit. I think lessons are all around us. Be it enjoying a bird song. If we want to have a healthy life on this planet it’s all in our perception of our surroundings.

I think, and this might be just early discovery thinking, most humans shouldn’t expect to be in a lasting relationship. For those that have, I am proud of you. Amazing feat. Truly. Most people don’t like themselves so how can they be expected to hold that towards someone else. Men licensed that on women out of jealousy and they used religion. D*** move. .

I wrote this next section months ago. I’m going to post it to get it off my chest. Disclaimer, I’m better.

“This blog is my vent that I don’t speak to others. It’s a weird thing to hear your estranged wife is f***ing a person. Now soon to be ex. It made me feel better about my life. So much better. Cleared my mind. Hope her world is rocked. It made me sick. And DONE. I figured it was happening and I heard the rumors. I have heard a lot. I don’t care. I mean, it’s a relief. Now I don’t have to care. She started it. She gave up on me. Life is strange. I guess I can say I wasn’t the cheater. Since I never did but people seem to view that the case because of her mouth. One thing: getting a divorce is a great character study. You finally see someone for who they are. Not the person you loved. I miss the “version” of my wife that I married. The “version” I know now would never have been excepted into this family. She is cold, cruel and unhealthy. The past has a perfection the future can never hold.(Since adapted. Positive vibes.)

Then you have other people. That are lonely. That seek attention, because they are lonely. They pull “love”away from you. They don’t like themselves and they don’t like to see other people happier than them. They don’t like to share. They only like themselves. It’s hard to share with that person. But they have a good soul. It’s in the eyes. We all have our breaking point. When it “snaps” it just means you pull yourself up and out again. I trust they can do it. When it happens just deal with it your own way. Being miserable doesn’t have to be a team effort. Look for positivity. Overcome.

I’ve come to the conclusion that monogamy is a joke. It is unrealistic. We always try. We don’t want failure. You love someone. It doesn’t mean you will be compatible all your life. But you try and it’s a joke. BUT… maybe it isn’t. You just have not met the right person. You held on to hope. I believe in the world. Holding onto hope. I contradict myself.”

Maybe I’ll find someone. A lot of it was on me. Blind fool. 50/50. Just work. I also don’t blame her for all her crap. Both our hearts were dying fast and we didn’t know what to do. I’ll always forgive.

My life has been empty. I’m lonely. It’s no damn joke. Dead eyes. Vacant as the sea. I just need my friends right now. I’m happy but it’s been a lonely fucking year. I love you all. I hope you are all not just like me. By star light.

These are the soul lifters.

I truly love my family and my friends. I would count myself lucky. Had a great week and weekend. Had the little boys. We went to the museum. They had a damn blast. such young energy. They are a handful at restaurants.