Watch A Shadow Cross The Floor

I watch a man die. Life has no meaning. Mine doesn’t. What is the meaning of my life? Do tell? Sun in an empty room. Watch a shadow cross the floor. Parallelograms of light. I awake at about 2AM every night. Deflate me.

Monday was my 7 year wedding anniversary. I also found out the night before that a very close friend from 15-16 year passed away. It was a bitch dragging my fucking ass into work. I did it. What else would I do. Also, I didn’t want to receive grief from Jamie because I would have missed another staff senate meeting. Might I add that that was utter hog wash. I’ve been assured they are not all so dramatic and long winded. I pray not. Either way, it’s a nice change of pace for me which I need right now. I think my mind was also just not feeling it. Lots of thoughts.

My mother and I had dinner and a good time. We ordered out. Italian. She also made me a special cheese cake. Comfort foot for the day. 7 fucking years. I wouldn’t trade a day. The wedding weekend was pretty amazing. I wish my wife had partaken more in the festivities. She really missed out. My mother and I reminisced. I’m glade she came over. The food was also pretty amazing. It had been a while since I’ve had dinner with another person.

I had no intention of going into work Tuesday. I needed to attend to matters and my mental health was in jeopardy. I took the day and I had one. I went to lunch. I went to my moms. I went to a couple bars. I did me. I needed it. Fuck it.

Wednesday was just a day. The rest of the week. I notice people don’t like to touch anymore. They both utter apologize when they do.

I went to work for 2 hours Thursday & a my friends funeral with my soon to be ex wife. It was a good service. We both agreed. Sad as hell. Great guy passed. After we went for lunch and I talked a lot. I’m not sure she liked it. I took the rest of the day off. And I repeat friday. My poor brother has Covid & the flu. What does death feel like?

Another day another funeral. We had to duck out early on this one, sadly. I had my blood sugar plummet and I almost fainted when I stood up. The girl will understand. She saw me. We embraced. Poor Caryn. Found out my mother-in-law has had another seizure. She is in the hospital. Bless her big heart. It’s been a fucking week. I only worked 23 hours. Good riddance.

Jalapeño

Egg bacon sandwich.