Finding My “Want To”

So it cooled down again. It was like winter in May!! It was cloudy. It was wet. I don’t want it to end!!! It felt like somewhere in the northwest. I should have been in high spirits just because of this, but the week was hard.

It was a slow boring week. I knew I had a funeral and a drinking arrangement on Friday. I slept like s***. I drank more than I needed. Vacation mode & a 20% discount. It was also, as mentioned, gloomy. I had “no want to”. Again. I had to drag myself to work on Wednesday. Too soon for another mental health day. I sooooo wanted one. I’m done. I’m just done. Jumping into my car and just driving sounds appealing on some days. That’s life. Everyone hits a rut from time to time. Haha

Sadly, my “want to” only began to appear on Thursday. Why….. Another day of little to do but also one of good laughs. A friend had a coworker totally go off the deep end. Even for her. My own office was completely inappropriate. I strongly believe myself and my coworker all have something wrong with our heads. The things we get our kicks off. We also found a treasure trove of old campus newspaper and memorabilia which was great fun to go through. All in all, I generally love my coworkers. We are sick, but sick together.

Another semester down, another graduation. Clearly this ones a bit different than the last. A little more “normal”. I don’t even know what that means anymore. It’s wild to think. I feel like I was just taking first day of school photos. Did the year feel quick for anyone else?

Friday was a heck of a day. “Want to” gone. Sewage backed up into our house through the shower and tub. It was a city issue. They were knocking on the door when I was trying to leave. That’s how the day started. I made it to work and hour late only to go to a funeral and hour later. The boss and I went. It was emotional to say the least. My coworker who I’ve called “Jimmy” lost his wife after a long and short battle with cancer. They had been married for 44 years. High school sweet hearts. When he got up and attempted to sing his and his wife’s song, broke down into sobs. It hurt. It really hurt. Took a lot out of me.

Upon returning to work I found myself slammed on a day I wanted to do nothing. I was having one f*** of a morning. I told my coworkers “I am going to lunch, f*** this place.” I went home and just contemplated 2 things. 1) Do I take a brief nap and wake up feeling worse, or 2) do I have a beer and hope for the best? I choose the beer. I don’t ever do this. I know in the work OP their is nothing against it. WTH. To admit this is something I shouldn’t be saying but it really did improve my afternoon. I was reinvigorated. I was friendly. I had some “want to” again. I could make it!!! And we had ourselves a very fun afternoon. The office was an HR nightmare. We were so inappropriate. The beaver….

After work I was having drinks with my friend The Dean. My house stank of bleach so we sat outside. It was good therapy for all of us. We had all had a week and needed laughs and drinks. They both came in plenty. I had been anxious about the get together but like last time, we all had a blast. It went on until half past 11. No dinner. Lots of good times.